Ep26 | How Can I Manage My Money & A Relationship? (Ft Emmanuel Asuquo)

My son is gonna have an expectation that his wife can provide why are we putting this pressure on our head? They say back in the day, you know You get one job you stay in it to to retirement and then they give you a pension and you go This life is hard unless you're earning 80 90 K.

You can't even get a mortgage to buy a house You've got to have standards because you've got to know what life you're trying to live You're saying your commitment is the rest of your life.

It's one person And you say we shouldn't be thinking about money This is talking to my thoughts Welcome to talking to my thoughts the podcast where we have open honest and raw conversations with a twist We bring a unique perspective on our thoughts by literally pre recording the things that are on our mind Before talking about them with the group and we do this because we believe before you can be open with others You first have to be open with yourself So stay up to date with all of our content and follow us on our socials at talking to my thoughts and make sure you guys Listen to the end to hear our responses to some of your thought-provoking questions Now, my name is Simon aka SJ.

I'm a proud St. Lucian I'm a father of two and I'm also a content creator Great. My name is Craig aka mr Positive cheesy motivator with a solution background big dreams and a passion for helping others find and maintain their peace Amazing and we are so grateful today to be joined by our guest Emanuel.

Please introduce yourself Hey everyone, I'm Emanuel Suko financial advisor father of four And yeah looking forward to having this conversation Wicked wicked. So before we actually jump into the conversation and give you an idea about a topic Emanuel we like to give our listeners an opportunity to get to know our guest a little bit better By starting on the front foot and asking you a couple of questions to open up.

Does that sound good? Sounds good to me wicked man, so the first question I want to ask you is We a lot of us will know what you do and what you're known for But what would you like to be known for? What was what's your legacy that you want to leave behind?

For me, my legacy is going to be financial education So there are going to be children who are going to be Long after I'm gone who financial education is going to be normal But that's because I've educated their parents who have been in a position to educate their parents and so forth And so for me, my legacy is going to be generational wealth financial knowledge.

That's what I'm all about One more question If a genie would grant you free wishes, but you can't use any of them to benefit you. What would you wish for? What would I wish for?

Wishes, you know, you'd always wish that there wasn't war and that you know that children didn't go hungry I think those are those are two things that you know, there were those provisions And I wish that, you know, people people cared more about almost as much as other people as opposed to themselves Those are the type of wishes that I wouldn't it wouldn't be financial or house here or this or that Do you know what I mean?

And I wouldn't even wish sometimes you think you wish to bring people back But actually, you know, everything happens for a reason Even if people are gone too early that you don't know what would have happened or how other things would have transpired I watch too many, you know, these films where, you know, you try and change sliding doors and you know, just little things happen and the whole thing change So for me, it's about, you know, what's meant to be is meant to be and I keep in that positive energy and know that, you know, I think the right things will come to me But yeah, I think things that really pay me is when I see, you know, kids people going hungry and those type of things, especially in countries where there's money Cool.

All right. With that said, let's let's kick off the topic. So today's topic is about managing money and relationships Yeah, when I when I first started thinking about this, I was like, we can open up a lot of a big can of worms on this one But what I what I like to do just before we go into our first voice record a manual in as few words as possible So almost think of it like word of association.

When you first think about managing money and relationships, what's the first thing that pops up into your mind? My wife. Yeah, that's the first thing my wife does. It's vital for our relationship that we understand money and that we're talking about open and we have those conversations I think when I was dating that trust me things were So we're gonna get into that. Yeah.

So for me, when I think of money and relationships, I think of my wife because that to me, that's the example. That's the that's the level that I'm setting the relationship that me and my wife have and our relationship towards money together. That's that's the standard Cool. Craig, what's your first thoughts, man? Um, I'm still because I ain't got a wife yet. Like I live with nobody might still like date nights.

Mine's like date nights and trying to manage those date nights. So don't go don't go OTT with them. Otherwise, you're looking at your bank. What's going on here? I just thought of stress. I was like money, relationships, stress, stress. See Manuel's just smiling. He's like, boy, I know that feeling, man. But yeah, all right, cool. We know where we're at right now. We're going to dig a little bit deeper.

So I'm going to play my first voice note first. Have a listen, pay attention to the words and then we'll just open up the conversation from there. Yeah. Sound good? Yeah. See, here's the thing with money and relationships. I don't necessarily believe they go hand in hand. Some people believe that when it comes to relationships, building a relationship, a partnership with someone, finances play a part in that.

And I get it. I get it definitely when you're thinking about marriage. And you're thinking about building a life with someone. That's a conversation that definitely needs to be had. But for me, your finances are always going to be something which you have to take into consideration whether you're in a relationship or not. When you're in a relationship, love is what should be your main driver.

There shouldn't be, for me, love and finances just don't come into play with each other because that's basically the way I interpret it. What you're basically saying to me is if I don't have enough money, then I can't have love, which for me is ridiculous.

I think the main struggle I've had basically since I started working and kind of my own idea and interpretation of finances for one and then obviously getting into relationships is that there needs to be an understanding that your finances are always going to be and there's always going to be a level of individual responsibility.

Because, as I said, whether you're in a relationship or not, you have your own ambition, you have your own goals, you have your own finances, which you need to take care of for yourself, full stop period. It's difficult because when you get into a relationship, or not even when you get into a relationship, I guess when you meet someone and you start dating, the trouble is an expectation.

And I've had that clash, that battle on so many occasions, it almost feels like it's like a weekly basis of discussion about where your understanding is in terms of what you're bringing to the table and what your goals and ambitions are as an individual as well as in a partnership and what you want to do together.

Because I definitely think you need to have some level of individual identity, even if you're in a relationship, you still need to uphold that. I believe this is just a healthy thing to do. But the expectation is an issue for me, man, because it's like, well, yeah, well, we're going on a date, you're the guy. So historically, you pay for everything.

You pay for the first dates and you buy me the gifts and you do this and you do that. And it's like, well, get where it's coming from. But I don't agree with it because you don't actually know what my financial status is. Whether I'm earning more money than you or not, I may have more outgoings than you. You don't really know what the financial state status of me as an individual is.

And then at the same time, I may have my own budget, my own requirements in terms of financially what I can bring to a relationship. And I definitely think there's a level of understanding that needs to be brought to the table.

Basically, if you have no communication and no understanding, you're just going to end up tripping over yourself constantly because the expectation from either you or the other person is going to be a problem. Because when those expectations are met, you're going to fall out. You're going to have a clash. So it's difficult for me, man.

And I know it's difficult for a lot of people just trying to find a balance of how you manage your money and how you build a relationship for me. I believe it's just about getting to know the person that you don't have to go on expensive dates. You can go to the park, have a picnic or whatever.

But I do believe you need to be very clear on, first of all, what your goals, your ambitions, your budgets are, what your responsibility is financially as an individual. And then to relay that to the person that you have a date in, getting to know to say, look, I can't afford to pay for all of these dates or we can't afford to go out to all of these fancy places. This is what the situation is.

And they have to kind of accept that. And if they're not going to accept it, then I guess that's another conversation to have whether you're going to move forward with that person. So, yeah, man, I don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about it. I just definitely think there needs to be an understanding. And I think a lot of the time I have those issues because there's not really a level of understanding.

And, yeah, it just it just definitely becomes a struggle, man. So just to help it, just you just need to be vocal. I need to be vocal. Yeah, yeah. It's actually quite interesting because it sounded a little bit like your self-therapy. You know what you need to do? You need to talk to them. Fun enough, I can see a lot of myself in you because, again, I haven't been in a case where I actually live with my partner.

So I can see that, oh, yeah, my finances are mine, theirs is theirs. Don't mix it up together. But I really do believe that in the in the future or in like relationships where they actually has a very strong bond, you wouldn't be like, oh, well, I have my stuff and you have yours or I have my money.

And I really believe there will be an agreement with both like a kind of a synchronous to say, OK, so you have your budget that you want to correct for your goals that you're passionate. I believe in too. And then we have I have my budget that I believe in too.

And then the other side of it as well is the person's love language is another like a very key place that the person the woman's love language might be the case that she does like to go out and enjoy herself or she does like to be treated at times. And that needs to be budgeted. So, yeah, one of the things you ended with was the fact of communication at the beginning of the voice note.

You kind of went down the road of like, no, man, this is just they just need to get it. They just like you need to get it because that's my finances. You need to get it. But then by the end, you was like, actually, OK, I just need to communicate. I need to communicate it and let's have a meet a middle ground. But the problem relies is when you don't meet the middle ground and what happens then, what do you do?

And I'm assuming that you've never really met the middle ground with a partner before. To be honest, no, I think that's partly what the problem is.

And I guess it's I don't know, just based on my relationships in the past, the ones that have lasted long enough anyway, where you get to that stage of thinking about our future, it's like, how are we going to because obviously I have a set, as I said in the voice note as well, I kind of have a set goal about how I manage my finances.

And then the person that I'm with may just say, for example, at me, I may be a saver and the person that I'm with is a spender. It's like, well, clearly we have an issue there because I'm the one that's kind of saving and thinking about the future and you're kind of thinking about the now and just wanting to spend the money.

So at that point, it's like, well, I don't really want to kind of share my finances with you if you're just going to take it and spend it on what you want to spend it on, because that's not what the purpose of the money is there to do. So if that's what you want to do and you want to spend, then I'll stay where I am in my lane and save and you do what you need to do. And that's why there's a big separation.

And it becomes so difficult because it's like, well, how do you move forward at that point? I'm trying to move. It almost feels like, well, I'm thinking about moving forward. You're kind of moving backwards. And at that point, we're just not moving anywhere. So, yeah, it's hard because I haven't really found that middle ground where I don't have the answer to that, to be honest.

I don't know what Emmanuel thinks about how he manages it. Let's see what Emmanuel thinks. Yeah, I think you said a lot of stuff in the verse and even just now, I think sometimes it's about perception, isn't it? And how you think about things. So, for example, you said that you're a saver. Let's say, for example, you're a saver, but they're a spender.

What the problem is, is that you're assuming that because you're a saver, that means that you're in a good position. And because they're different, they're in a bad position. But relationship is about compromise. And sometimes we go in and say, oh, I'm really, so I might be really good at speaking out loud because that's my personality.

And I assume that if I meet someone that's quiet, that they're meek or they're quiet or they're weak, that they won't be a good match for me. But actually, sometimes it's about balance. And actually, you might feel to yourself and when you come around someone that is a spender, you might realize that actually, I can spend on some more. And actually, I'm not enjoying my life the way I should do.

And actually, I want to spend because I found somebody that I want to have moments with. And I need to use my money to create these moments with this special person. So actually, me being a saver was more about me being on my own. But I'm not on my own anymore. I'm in a relationship now. And so because I'm in a relationship now, I can't assume that what I've learned is the only way that there is.

And that's sometimes the problem because I do like a marriage counseling type thing with couples when it comes to finances before they get married. And we've all learned money in a different way. We've all learned it. So someone might have had a dad that paid all the bills. Do you know what I mean? And so in their mind, that's the right way to do it.

And someone else had a mom that actually made more than that and moms paid everything or split the bills. So now she's coming and saying, no, I want to go to it. I don't want to be a housewife. I want to go to it. I got a degree. And he's saying, well, my dad paid for everything. That's the way I learned it.

And sometimes we have to understand that if you really find someone that you really want to grow with, you want to build with, there has to come compromise. There has to come, OK, I've learned one way. You've learned the other. How do you make this mesh? How do you make this work together for our good? And that's where you find out when you look at how do I make it work for our good?

If you can't make it work for our good, then you go separately. But you can't assume that because you do something one way and they do something another way, already it's not going to work. You've got to give it a chance to mesh and build and grow together. And I think money finances. Love is great. But for some people, they can't love broke. I can't love broke.

So you might not want to talk about money, but if you're broke, you're just not going to work for me. Because I'm not like for some women might say, I'm not going to respect you the way that the way that I would want to respect my man because you're broke. But why is that not a problem? Would you not think that's a problem, though? Are we not allowed to have standards? Are we not allowed to have a way of living?

And so for me, it depends. If you if you meet someone like and the problem is, is that when we talk about broke, it's mostly men, because for some reason, us as men don't have an expectation of women to have money. Listen, if I've changed that completely, that's part of the window.

I told everyone, see, my son, my son is going to have an expectation that his wife can provide and she can make the why why are we putting this pressure on our head? This is this this UK is hard. They say back in the day, you know, you get one job, you stay in it till retirement and then they give you a pension and you go. This life is hard.

We need two incomes, especially if we want to then look at private school or we want to get you tutors or we want our kids to do music. We want our kids to do music, class and football and all of these other extra one income can't happen. You can't even get a mortgage. Try to get a mortgage. Unless you're earning 80, 90 K, you can't even get a mortgage to buy a house. So one income is just it's just not realistic.

And so for me, we've got to look at we've got to have standards because you've got to know what life you're trying to live. You're saying your commitment is the rest of your life with this one person. And you say you shouldn't be thinking about money. But you know what? The funny thing, the funny thing about that is if you say that when you're not even in a long term relationship, you may be in the dating process.

You get stick for saying stuff like that. I've had stick for saying stuff like that. If you if you just said, OK, you've got an expectation as a man, maybe you want your woman to have a certain standard. You want a woman to have a decent job. As I said, I can clash with someone because it's like, well, my ambition is I want to save and buy a home or whatever.

And if I'm dating someone that doesn't have a say, for example, they've got bad credit, they're not thinking about the money. It's like, well, where's your standards then? And then I get stick for it because it's like, well, well, you're the man. You should be the breadwinner. You should be thinking about the money. Hold on a minute. Like, you know, I'm saying that's that's the stick that I would get if I expect.

Of course, but that's our fault though. Come on. You have to remember a lot of the time we are telling women we are focusing on how they look, how they dress. How often are we saying, what's your credit report? Like, what's your credit score? Where are you trying to go? Are you trying to buy a house? What are you doing at work? Are you trying to climb the ladder? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Are we having these conversations with women? Are we talking about, oh, no, you're sexy. I love it when you wear that dress. Oh, you smell real good. What conversations are we having with women that have made women say that they must level up? They must level up. Women are having that conversation with us all day long. And so we have to now change the narrative and say, no, you know what?

And the maddest thing is, yeah, we're in demand. Like, this bad girl. Like, when you think about it, like, this bad. There's a lot. There's a lot. When you think about now, when you think about, although they're about the same amount of boys and girls born, by the time you get to like, you know, like 13, 14, there's actually more girls than boys anyway.

Then you put about how many boys, especially if you want to go black, then you say, how many of them go prison? How many men are gay? When you start adding up, then you now say you don't what they want. That's not broke. That's got a job. That's the rough. If you're doing well, you have every right to turn around and have expectations. Because guess what? There's not many of you. But this bad girl.

That's true, you know. The way you said it. But I think there's a funny thing with you, Simon. Like, I've never had stick for that. I've never, ever, ever had stick. And I don't know if I've maybe attracted a different type of person. Like, a lot of the person I've had in my dating side of things, a lot of them would be like, hey, Craig Lynn, let me pay that bill. You already paid the last one.

There's something I'm trying to fight for the first one. I'm like, hey, I might at least pay the first one. I'll pay the first one at least. But then, yeah, you could free up on doing your next one. So that's the person I've attracted. And that's probably because a lot of the conversations I have at the beginning is that I've already gauged their ambition for life in general.

So ones who didn't have much ambition, for the kind of person, the way I think or the way I move in my life, even the way that we talk, me and you, Simon, I can't actually connect to a person who doesn't have ambition. I can't do it. And then there's a very close correlation between a person who has ambition and is doing well or is trying to get themselves out of a situation. Everybody has a past. It's OK.

It's OK to have a bad credit score, but you can tell the ones who are literally trying to climb their way out. So that's how, so for me, when it comes to that, I've had a, it's been really easy to, I could literally call, I'm not to say I'm more superior than another woman or whatever, but I can de-qualify them for me. Not for somebody else, but for me, I can de-qualify you.

So I've never, I've never had a case where I've had a woman that's been like, hey, you are going to be the one that pays the bill, or you're going to be the one that I expect to do da-da-da. I've been with a lot of women who have been like bad credit scores, but again, their past kind of shifted in that way, but their ambition really wanting them to move into a better direction.

Listen, the arguments I can get into with certain women, even if I just suggest, oh, how come you don't pay for the first date? And they're like, what? They get mad. I'm like, okay, let me just shut up because it gets a bit techy. No, but that's just culture though. That's just culture. I'm Nigerian, so man pays for everything. My wife will pay for three mills. We've been married 10 years this year.

My wife will be paid three times. That's including before we dated for a year and a bit before we got married. So, you know what I mean? But that's me. I like paying for that. But my wife, I've helped to set up her cake business. I paid for her equipment and she set up a cake business. Now she can make her own, she makes her own money. Made sure she did her driving lessons so she can drive.

I'm all about empowering because my thing is that that's my better half. So, you would never want your left leg to be solely dependent on your right leg. When you think about it, you would never want the movement of your right leg and then that's the only, like, has to carry your left leg. You want them to be independently walking, so you're walking at a better pace.

And so, for me, the more I empower my wife, the more I empower myself because that's my better half. So, me, what I want her to do, I want her to live her dreams. It's important to me. Sometimes, as much as I'm ambitious, sometimes it's important for me to just, what do you want in life? Like, now we're going through this thing where she's like, I don't really think I'm passionate about cakes anymore.

It's just something I can make money from. Excellent. So, now, let's try and find what can we do? And that made me say, okay, cool, I need to up my money because, actually, you're going to have to reduce the amount of cakes you're doing so you can go and start pursuing or trying new things to find out where your passions lie.

And I think, financially, money is so important for us to understand because there was a time, for example, where I lost my job. I was redundant and that's, like, the worst feeling in the world. My wife's attitude changed zero. Like, there was no difference between how she treated me when I was hauling to how she treated me when I was sitting at the computer trying to find a job with no money running up.

And for me, that's when I knew that it was, like you said, it's about love. But finances are important and you have to understand. There were girls my man was dating. The girl was telling me, oh, yeah, you can fix my nails and pay for this. Are you crazy? What conversation, like, there's nothing to me. If I sit down and I talk to a woman and she's talking about business or career, that, to me, that is so sexy.

Sold in it. Like, that is like, whoa, I'm gone. Do you know what I mean? That is so amazing to have that power, to have that knowledge and to have those conversations with a woman as opposed to the sexualized conversations that are so common. So I feel like it's so important to have that. But finances and money are a great tell.

Because for me, how she's going to treat you with money before is definitely when you didn't add marriage, kids, it's only going to get worse. So it's a great tell in regards to how she respects you and how she treats you. That's so true, you know, and I definitely hold them values myself.

Like, I've always said, even just through dating, the dating process as well, when I'm speaking to someone for the first time and they're like, oh, so what do you want in a woman? I'm like, you know what? I want someone that kind of holds value in themselves and almost is independent. Like, they don't, you don't necessarily need me in your life, but you want me in your life to help fulfill something.

Like, you have to have your own ambitions, your own goal. I love an independent woman. I want someone that can hold their own. So that's exactly what I will always be after. And that's something I would always drive into my woman is that I need you to be. Don't, it's just, it's even just as you said, to empower them. But it's like, I don't want you to ever like feel like you can't do anything without me.

I would love for you to be able to just hold. It's not to say that I'm not going to be there for you. But the fact that, like, if I'm not around, you can't live your life. For me, that's ridiculous. Like, I want you to be an independent woman. So, God forbid, if anything happens to me, you got it covered. Just watch it. This is really interesting that you kind of got into that last piece there, Simon.

So the interesting part about it is something I had in my head. Like, when there's been money problems with my previous partners and I've been younger, what sat in my head was, I know we're in a relationship now, maybe one or two years in, for example. But before I was around, you survived. Hello. So while I'm around, I don't assume that you need, like, I am the last resort for you. Of course.

So for me, there's two stat works in two ways. One way is that it puts me in a situation where I don't feel like I'm forced to have to help, especially if you're not living together like right now. The second part is to kick back my ego, to believe that I am not as needed as you think because they survived this long without you. You're only in their life for the last two years.

So what you just said, I love an independent woman who can hold themselves. If you've only been in a relationship with them for two or three years, technically they've been holding themselves before you. But there are two sides. There's two sides happening. One side is you're assuming that they need you more than they say. And then the other side is them also assuming that they need you more than they think as well.

But then they kind of forgot themselves to realize, one second, I got here. I got here already before this relationship and I survived. Like I'm not like blacklisted or whatever. So actually I can do this. So there's a give and take happening. But I have a feeling for you, Simon, it might be a case that maybe the fight that you have causes them to feel like, well, no, I do what you should be helping me.

They forget it. There's this middle ground where they forget like, no, but you should be helping me in a sense. Or maybe, but sometimes what I used to do, I used to track them back. I used to say, so how did you get here? How did you get here? What did you used to do? What can we help with in a sense?

And how can I maybe even assist even in words or advice, but also maybe can I assist with you in the short term about with your money as well? Like as Manuel says, like kicking off a business, for example, like my partner recently, she started off her, her lashes. So she's importing from China, et cetera. She says, oh, like it's this much to start off and da da da.

And I said, I know, but we spend like so much on Uber Eats and stuff like that. Like you can do this. Like it's just, just do it. And she's like, no, I said, just send the money to her. I said, just go, just do this. Start it off, man. It's not wasting time. I could reduce the Uber Eats. We'll just cook a little bit more and then just go and just start. And that was it.

And then she, I never, it's not something I thought always going to come back. I just go, just go do it. I feel like, like what Simon's saying is that there are some women that they've done it before, but the reason they're finding you is so they don't have to do it no more. Like there are women that are looking for the way out. This work for me is long. This nine to five is long for me. Managers on my case.

I'm too pretty. I'm too, I've done my works. Like I don't need to, you know what I'm telling you, social media will gas them. They'll be on social media thinking, what? This girl's getting flying out and I look better than her. So what am I doing doing nine to five? The man like Simon comes around and they're like, yo, pay for everything my G. And for me it's crazy. Yo, that's crazy.

But they are, I'm telling you, like I have real talks with women. There are women out here right now looking for the way out. This nine to five thing is long. They want the way out. And so again, it's because us as men do not put a financial pressure on them. We put a sexual pressure on them. So they better do what we want in the bedroom and da da da da da da da. That's where we put the pressure on.

And so what happens is they're like, okay, I'm prepared to do that. But as long as you give me the money, that makes me feel that what I'm doing is worth it. And now we've put a price on the pom pom. We've upped the price. What? We've upped the price. We've done that because we put the value there and said, look, this is what we're doing. And actually that's not what it's about. That's not what it's about.

Like I said, when I lost my job, my wife never once said, oh, you ain't got no job. How can you try to sleep with me? Or you should be doing a CV. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? The energy has to be the same because it's about you. It's about being us together. We are invested in one another. So if you go down, it's not, oh, what's this man going to do? No, this is our future.

This is what we are building together. And like you said, you're not going to feel a way. I never felt a way to invest in my wife's business. Why would I feel a way? Even if it didn't work, she tried. I'm confident in her ability and her energy. That's the one you are. And I'm telling you that when it honestly, when it comes together, I like big girls. Big, juicy suckers. Those size 16 plus. You know them ones there.

You can hear them walking. You know what I'm talking about. That's me. The ones that cook the good food as well, boy. You know they know how to cook extra, extra. You know you can't be that size and you can't cook. You know them ones. You know them ones. And they always smell good. Do you know what I mean? Always taking time and did it. I love it. My wife is a size eight.

Like I couldn't say that, you know, when I met my wife that I'm going to, I want to throw her away because she wasn't, she didn't have big bum and did it. No way. Like it's a connection. And it's so important that you look to find someone that you can go on this race with because it's a journey. Do you know what I mean? And these things fade away.

I remember telling myself one day, like, if someone can cheat on Halle Berry, then that's it. It doesn't make a difference. It don't make a difference. It don't make a difference. It don't matter how bushy. Do you understand? So looks can't be, it can't be. If you can cheat on Halle Berry, then if one day you can wake up and say, well, no, Halle Berry is just normal. It's normal. Like I've seen that so many times.

It's normal. They'll forget it. Like it can't be a looks thing. It has to be a connection. It has to be an energy. It has to be a purpose. It has to be much more than that. Because that's when you see these old people sitting in chairs, 80 years old. It's not boom, boom, boom, you know? They're talking. They're playing cards. They're reminiscing. Still got the same love, but they're expressing it in a different way.

Some of these girls, you just can't build that with them. Do you understand? It's literally, I'm going to give you the best sex ever. But, you know, I've got nothing else, nothing else to bring to the table. I'm going to look good. I'm going to smell good. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to drive your car really well. But do you know what I mean? There's nothing else. For me, that's not, I can't build with that.

That's it. And that just, it's a full circle on what I said in it about just expectation, man. It's just the expectation is what's going to damage the relationship before it even starts. Because it's like, I expect you to pay for this already. I expect you to do that. It's like, well, what are you doing? As you already said, we don't even need to touch on again. But it's like, well, what are you doing?

You can't just expect me to do everything. Come on. Listen, listen. All right, cool. Craig's now. Let's see what Craig has to say. And then, yeah, we'll jump back into the convo, man. Money management and relationships. I guess I could only imagine what it would be like because I haven't been in a relationship where I financially rely on my partner or vice versa.

And I think that's probably because I haven't lived with them before. So right now, to me, all of the relationships I've been in, they may have like money troubles. And the best thing I'll do is give advice about how to go about making the situation better for themselves. I've never really been a person who believes you just, if a person has money problems, you just give them more money and it solves the problem.

It probably doesn't. I've always been a case where I would try to pass on any knowledge or things that I had to do myself for a situation to get better.

So I probably don't think I'm the best one to kind of talk about how you balance the two because I haven't been in that kind of overly committed situation where there is any case that my money is something that will be tied with them in that sense, in that sense, other than obviously we pay for food and etc.

I can probably talk about how I do kind of keep a balance of going out or eating out all the time and stuff like that, like maybe I might be a bit mindful around that, especially if I have like a savings go every month. But in the sense of feeling that there was much of a tie, I'm not there yet. I can only imagine what it would be like in a sense because I've seen movies or you see drama episodes.

Maybe it's very different, but yeah, I've always usually been pretty good with money. So when I have partners who have been like bad with money, my main thing is I just try to give them advice and I'm not trying to put them down about it at the same time. Like I'm not trying to look down upon them. I'm really trying to sit there and try to work things out with them if I can help them out.

Sometimes I wonder how do they get in some situations they get into, but you know, that's life. Life happens. It can happen to anybody. So I try to just take a stance of being empathetic. But when it comes to money, it's a very logical thing. But when it comes to money problems, it's usually emotional.

So that's where the conflict can probably align is where I will have a logical stance to it because that's kind of how I was taught and how I was brought up. It's just logical. But then a lot of times when people end up in money problems, it's probably because of emotional issue. And that can happen for both men and women. So yeah, at this point, I'm not deep in that part. Yeah, I'm hoping I ain't going to be.

But I would say the conflict that can happen is when you're trying to balance a logical thinker with an emotional thinker. People that are in money problems are usually because of an emotional stance, not because of something logical that they got themselves into that situation. Yeah, tough, though. It's definitely a tough one. Definitely a tough one. I can imagine if it does happen.

I'm going to play devil's advocate a little bit. First thing I want to say, I'm not married in it. So let's just establish that first of all. So everyone knows what the situation is. I'm not married. I do have two kids with two different women. So, yeah, you can understand there's already a dynamic there.

I guess for when you're thinking about money in relationships, I guess maybe in particular for marriage, because marriage is a completely different step. You're making a commitment to share your entire life with someone. And I guess when it gets to that stage, money can in many ways represent, as Craig kind of touched on, your beliefs, your behaviors and your emotions sometimes.

Craig, you haven't necessarily got to that stage. But I would ask you the question of if you were to ever get in, because obviously you're very kind of focused, as I am, in terms of what you want to do with your finances, your goals, your ambitions, your savings, your targets.

If you ever get into a relationship where you feel like that person is doing the very opposite and almost to the point feeling like they're taking away from the targets that you would like to achieve together with them, how would you tackle that? Because obviously you've said that at one point you was in a relationship, maybe they're not very good with money, but you'll give them advice.

But once it gets to the stage where you've got to pay bills, it's tricky because it's like, if you haven't got any money, and I've got all the money, or I'm the one that's working hard to save and do whatever, and the other person almost feels like they're not contributing to the relationship financially, how are you going to deal with that?

Funny enough, my tie with money, I was a massive saver when I was younger, so my thing was work hard now, live life later. But then I kind of extended it where it was work hard now, live life later, but remember that time is not promised, tomorrow could be your last day.

So I kind of started to realize maybe I shouldn't really be so tight with money because there was a case where I was in a relationship where I wouldn't go on holiday, I would literally just be working over that crazy amount of work and then I didn't get to enjoy as many holidays as I could have. And you know, life is not promised, we keep thinking that we have until 70.

Obviously you shouldn't live like you don't, but you should live like it's going to be your last day. So I decided to kind of release my tie on money too dramatically.

To answer your question in a sense of if I get in a relationship, if they are able to uphold the bills, for example, like they said they're going to go half on the bills and they've upholded that but they spend the rest of it, then that would mean that they put a high importance on the bills that are currently here. So they know that it's very, very important.

So I would try to communicate very hard as to make them have the same importance as to what's coming next as well. So like be ready for the bills that are already happening. But also, by the way, extra 100 can go a long way for us to get our house together, for example. So I guess try to help them with it to understand the importance because I find this really, really important. Maybe you don't.

Then the second side of how I would go about it is kind of really understand where are they at with wanting to go out? What is it that they want to do? I find a lot of people go out regularly, like not just here and there like a ritual, but regularly because of escapism, because they're unhappy, because they just don't like where they are in their life right now.

They need to be drinking a lot, needed to be going out with their girls like excessively or not doing things that are cheaper in a sense. Why would you, if you know that you have a goal with your partner, why would you feel that you are going to go overboard to kind of match the level of your girls? Are they actually your girls if they will stay ambitions in a sense? Who are you surrounding yourself?

So I try to understand their situation. And then the third route that I would probably take is to say if I believe that what they are doing is not excessive and it's something that it makes them, it keeps them up because people need some kind of escape, keeps them up, then I will say what can I do to change our financial situation?

What can I, can I, can I, I wouldn't say I try to not to do work harder because that means you're just taking more away from your life, but work smarter. Do I change the way I put my better salary? Do I maybe even help them get promoted as well if that's the case? Or do I maybe say, okay, the money that we do save, how can it be multiplied in a different way?

Where can it, when can it go for higher interest or be invested in a certain way? That's my outlook of how I would go about it. Try to assess where they are, see where they're at. Can I help them with that? Is there a problem there or is it something that this is reasonable? If it's reasonable and it's what keeps them up because everyone needs an escape, then that's fine.

How can we change it around to make the most of what we really have in a sense? And then, but let's take the devil advocate. Things just don't go well. They say this is not an escape. I say it is an escape. Then you know what? Maybe I have to bring it after employing manual, you know?

No, honestly, like I have realized, one of the things I wanted to do when I was younger was become a marriage psychologist, like a marriage counselor, because I said, you know what?

If I was to become a marriage counselor, you would realize so many things that have marriage problems are nothing to do with the marriage and everything to do with the external factors, not to do with the love and how much they care for each other, but because of family, friends, outsiders forces, work, money, especially money, that would be the cause.

No, you know, I think that whole emotional, logical, it works in different places and I feel sometimes you don't take credit for it. So for example, like you said, the logic, the person that's got logic and the person that's got emotion, when it comes to money, the person that's logical will probably use it better in that scenario.

But then the person that's got the more emotion might be better when it comes to spontaneity, when it comes to excitement. And I think sometimes we, what we do is we look at, we look at parts of the relationship and we just say, this is more important than that. And so we don't give it the same value. And so we say, oh, you're not good with money, so you're not good at all.

But we forget that, you know, actually, we can find someone that's really good at money, but we're going to have a dead relationship because we're both just going to be here being tied together. Do you know what I mean? And so sometimes it has to be a balance in regards to, okay, where do I bring in and what do you bring in? It's a balance.

It's about looking at, okay, well, actually, I'm weaker here and you help me there. For example, even like me now, I'm in the house. I'm not great at things in the house. I'm just not. I've got two sisters and a mum. I didn't have to do much. I had to do for a little bit while they were younger, but once my sisters could cook and clean, I ain't seen the kitchen since. Do you know what I mean? That's just culture.

Do you know what I mean? Like, so my wife, like me saying, oh, I pay the most of the bills. I'm walking around. Okay, cool. Go feed yourself, big man. Do you know what I mean? You're going to struggle now. Even if I can cook, even if my brother's a rice, it's not going to taste as good. Even if I make a chicken, it's not going to taste as good as what she can do.

So man has to understand that within a relationship, there's always balance. Do you know what I mean? And how do you balance each other out? The problem is, is that when you're both good with money, then when you're good and then you're bad in other, then all of a sudden it highlights and points out.

And so now what we're saying is about understanding what Quake was saying was that, you know, trying to get external help and so forth. But sometimes you just have to let someone go. You know what I mean? If I met someone, if I met someone here and financially she's on a magnet, can't be around me. It's so unattractive.

If I'm not attracted to you because of the traits that you're showing me, it's not going to last 20, 30, 40 years, is it? So what am I here doing? Why am I here? Let her find someone that matches where she's at. That's just not going to work for me. Sometimes I feel like we think, oh, you know what, but she's amazing. Yeah, she is amazing, but just not for you. Do you know what I mean?

And actually you can find those qualities I always talk about. It's more important about the bad things about a person than the good things. Because everybody has a good side. Everybody has things that they do well and things that are good. But can you handle their bad? When they're at their worst, how does that look to you? And so we have to understand the bad. What's the bad?

Because I can't, one of my brothers was saying that his friend was in Tesco arguing with a missus. The missus spat in his face in Tesco. What? You think I could be with me? There's no Jesus anymore, you know. Somebody locked me up today. My mother never put me on the earth to get spat in my face. Not in my face. Come on. How about call my mum, you know what just happened mum? No. Come on. They were bad, you know.

You told me they were bad. Come on. All this beating, like some women that we hit in their mind and all that. I'm not going to hit you back. We're just not going to talk again. When it comes to building a relationship with someone where you find, okay, for me, it's a level of fear, isn't it? It's a level of fear to be like, can I really be with someone that isn't on the same wavelength of me like that?

Especially when it comes to finances, because when you're in a world, I can only speak for myself. When I get into a relationship with someone, it's not just a flippant thing where I'm just like, I'm in a relationship with you for the sake of it. There's a purpose behind it.

And obviously there's goals behind that where you're either going to build a family, you're going to have a home, you're going to do these things. You need to have a financial goal or like something in place in order for you to get there. There's no point in just being like, well, we'll just see what happens. It's like, well, what are you doing to build a future for us? I'm doing what I need to build a future for us.

But I would expect you to have some kind of contribution to that. It's not me saving up all the money to buy us a house. I would like you to contribute to that too. As you said at the beginning, like mortgages are money, bro, kids are money, bro. You can't just have one person paying for all of that. And I guess it does come down to, as I said, a level of understanding and education.

But if they can't get with that program, it's like, listen, I don't know how this is going to work if I'm completely honest with you. Emmanuel, a good question for you. What would, especially the kind of position that you in being a financial expert yourself, what has been the biggest challenge for you in your relationship with money, relation to money?

The biggest challenge for me as a person has been getting over my poverty scars. So when I was at school, there was bare things that I missed out on. Bare, like, man never had, you know, air bubble training. You know when you had the bubble, you pressed it like, I didn't have it. Man didn't have it. Man was going Lidl's before Lidl was cool. Man was going Lidl's way back. You know what I mean?

And you would leave on a walk with the bags and you'd just be carrying bare shopping in your hands on the street looking to your house. Because you didn't want no one to see that you had Lidl bags. Do you know what I mean? Like, when they used to go to school trips, I didn't even give my mum the letter. You know, there's no point. Do you know what I mean?

And so all of a sudden now, like when you now start making money, you're now living your childhood in your teens or in your 20s. You're buying things for yourself that you couldn't buy for yourself when you were younger. And it was that whole missing out thing where I didn't want to miss out.

And so I kind of made a lot of money, but I spent a lot of money because I couldn't get over the scars of what I was going through. And actually, what I really needed to do was really get some more self-worth. Understand that those things didn't make me.

But because you're going into a playground, especially in secondary school, a man are just at you from your neck, from you walking like they're at you, your jacket, your bag, your shoes. Do you know what I mean? We went to a boy's school and that was even worse. Come on. Boy's school is a lot. Boy's school is a lot. So I went to boy's school as well. So from me in a boy's school, these men are wearing kickers.

I'm wearing U.S. brass. It's from his room. From a distance, it's looking like kickers. But when you come close, they've licked you off. I know them. And you're getting murdered by a man that you know can't... A man that are getting murdered. And I'm switching it on you when they're getting it up. I know you're not laughing, big man. You're that guy. You're the escape for the guy that normally gets cussed.

Do you know what I mean? Man can't even rob you for 20p. You got no dough. Everybody used to take your money. You would never just walk past you, never even bother. No, you ain't got no money. It's hard. It was hard. So when I started to make money, I'm buying basketball trailers. I don't even play basketball no more. Do you understand? When I was playing basketball, I didn't have the proper basketball trainers.

I just had trainers. Do you know what I mean? The same trainers I played for the gym was the same basketball, the same I played football. There was just one trainer. That was it. The multi-purpose Crips. The multi-purpose. Ooh, orange at the bottom. Why is it so orange? It's for all situations. But yeah, it was hard. So I think that was the biggest thing for me to understand.

And that's what I try and teach now is that actually, you have to love yourself and know that you are already valuable. And that anything that you own or buy only adds more value to yourself. You're already valuable. So you wearing a Gucci belt doesn't make you more valuable. You add value to the Gucci belt. Do you understand?

And so then you ask yourself, well, if I had value to it, why can't it just be a normal belt? Like I see men buy belts and then they tuck it in the front just so we can see. At your big age, you're tucking in the front and leaving the back out just so we can see your belt. What's going on? Man doesn't even want to be looking in them leverages anyway. So what's going on in the big? Relax.

It's a lot of what men are doing. Men are doing a lot. Whole blazer, no shirt underneath. Relax. Now you've got oil stains on the front. What's going on? From you cream yourself. It's all soaked through. It doesn't even make sense. Like we've got to start making sense of these things. But we're doing stuff just we are stunting on ourselves while rich people are just chilling.

They're just they're working together and making more money. And I say, right, you got a business idea? I need some investment. Men have competition and they're still investing together. That's what men with money are doing. And we've got nothing and we're stunting on each other with the nothing that we've got.

Friends of mine who are probably more skilled than I am, more qualified than I am in a lot of different levels of range of skills. And I asked them, could you imagine yourself earning 50,000 per year? And their reply was like, you know what, Craig? Honestly, no, because none of nobody in my household has even earned 30,000 or 40,000 in a year ever. So I couldn't imagine it for myself.

Now, it's funny that we go through that and people enter. And the thing is, this person was this person was in their mid 20s already. They're like, you already could already get in a relationship and you can end up getting married with somebody. You can take that with you and go into the next relationship and never solve that. So now when you're looking at mortgages, well, we have to be real to a mortgage.

If you're looking like a big house, you're going to need a salary, which is going into a range of 30 to 50,000. But they haven't even gotten over their own traumas of them believing that they are even worth that much. We as especially as black people was just not taught about finance and how the world works. If you demand something and you believe you can get, you can get it.

But if you if you the thing is, when you go on that CV or you go for the jobs, they will show the salary. But people would avoid the salaries of 50,000. They would avoid them because they don't want to see the nose. I was the person who says I want that 50,000. So when I went for that 50,000 job, I was overqualified. That's that was the joke. I was overqualified. But I said, I know people way more.

I've seen people work for Google for like a quick one day or two day convention. I've seen people do talks on Google on a subset. But Google, you could be earning crazy money higher than me. And they don't do it because they don't their poverty that they believe in their household has changed everything.

We're now going to move on to the part of the podcast where we take a couple of questions and we give you our final thoughts on that. So when is the right time to talk about money in a relationship? From from you said, hello, how are you? Let's go. Let's talk. We need to talk like that. From me, from me, from me. We need to money is a conversation, even where we meet.

You know, I mean, because remember, a lot of the time we live in expectation. You know, your pocket, you're on 22 K. Why are you doing your first day at the shard? Are you mad? What are you doing? Just to impress girl. And the madness, you know, like, I want to get the madness is you do this to press go from you took her home. You've got a different woman in the yard. You've let Instagram gas you from the wig.

Come off the makeup. Come off. It's a different. Even the child's bum pads in the. Bro, bro, go somewhere reasonable. And if she's like, if you know that you're paying and you know that, listen, what's your budget? What can you afford? OK, I've got 40 pounds. Then go online, find a voucher for something. Go make it stretch. Come on. Go on Groupon or top table, whatever it is like. Go get a voucher.

If you want to go somewhere, make sure it's affordable. From that, that first impression. Man, are boring. They're bridging suits. What's going on here? So when is when it's time to talk about money? But from the day you've already created an impression that wasn't you. That's kind of crazy. I think for me to answer that for one of my first questions I used to ask people was, how are you doing?

What's your name, et cetera? And weird enough, I was the kind of guy that would ask, like, even if it was in a club or whatever, what do you do for a living? And it wasn't because I was gauging their money, but I kind of want to gauge their ambition. Like, who were they about? And then I asked them the second. This this threw everybody off. Do you enjoy what you do for a living? And that was the thing that you were.

How they answered is what shifted everything for me. Cool, man. All right. Next question. Actually, is this a bit of a statement? OK, so I'm dating someone who has recently admitted that they have a massive debt. Is it wrong that this has turned me off and I don't want to date them anymore? I don't know. For me personally, I don't feel like you could judge someone off their past mistakes.

We're all allowed to make mistakes. So, for example, it's the same way a man might have a criminal record. So if a man has a criminal record, and does that mean that that man is like we can all make mistakes in life? So someone might have a debt, might have been out of love, might have been in a relationship with someone, took out a loan for them or did a guarantor for them. And now they got a debt.

Do you know what I mean? The point is, is that what are they doing to pay that off? How are they going to pay that? Do they need help? Do they need support? Not financially, that man's not paying someone else's debt. That's a nonsense. Is it something that you need help with? Do you need some explanation? How are you finding that? How is that affecting your mental health?

Those are the type of things that I would be saying. I wouldn't say I need to lock you off because you've got debt. Anyone can be in debt at any point in time. Sometimes you might be, oh, look at these millionaires. They've been in debt borrowing and whatever to invest in their business and so forth. And then when it blows, now they're laughing. Everyone's clapping for them.

So it doesn't define someone being in debt. But I can understand if someone is reckless with money and they're in debt and you say, oh, I'm in debt because I took out a loan so I could go to AfroNation. Yeah, you know what? Check, please. I'm out. I'm out.

I think the worst thing that can happen is in that situation, the person who's in the debt, because they're now dating you or in a relationship with you, almost expect you to help them fix it. It's not to say that you're not there to support and give them advice. But you just started getting to know them, innit? They've got this debt and then they kind of want you to love it. Oh, have you got any more?

I just need a bit of money to help pay this off. Hold on a minute. I just made you right. We'll go on and look. So for me, I guess, and it comes back to the same thing that we mentioned about standards as well and an expectation. It's like, well, if I know for a fact that, as Craig said, you're not really...

I'm questioning what you're doing to work on it and you think the answer to you working on it is me to give you money. No, no, no, no, no. I'm bouncing. Yeah, he's like, I'm working on it right now. I'm bouncing. You say I'm not working on it, but I'm being very ambitious. I'm working on it right now. I did all this for you. That's crazy. That's quite mad. That's a major red flag. I've never actually had that before.

But I know a lot of people that are in debt because of previous relationships. Guarantor is such a common one. Like, yeah, I'll just put your name on it. Oh, yeah. What does this involve? No, nothing. Just a quick, simple thing. I think you're a common one, nothing. I don't know when people say that. I've had people come to me like friends. Oh, can you guarantee? No, no, I can't guarantee.

I've got a wife and kids and a family. I can't guarantee. What do you mean? Whether I can afford it, don't watch my pockets. I didn't ask you to step into nothing. Oh, but I needed to get a house. Go find a house that doesn't require you to get a guarantor then. You're not ready for that level of house. Yeah, literally. Like, you're pushing.

If you can't afford to get a house, if the house that you're going to get requires you to get a guarantor, they are obviously nervous about your income. Therefore, you are pushing beyond where you're at already. Why would I encourage you to do that? The problem is a lot of times we can't say no. We've got friends that ask you for money and you can't say, you can say no with your money.

And you need to say no, because in fact, you're an enabler. You are the reason that your friend is not getting better at what they're doing because they know they can forever fall back on you. In fact, if your friend continues to ask you for money, you need to be saying, what do we need to do? What's going on? Where's the house? Where's the problem? Where's the home? Do you need help with your spending?

Do you need to get a better job? Do you need me to help you get with your CV? Maybe I can pay for your CV to get updated. That's what I'm going to invest in. I'm not going to invest in just giving you money so you can spend it wrong. But sometimes we're just not friends like that. We have to ask ourselves, are we really friends?

Because for a lot of us, we can't even tell our friends no, because then they won't be our friends anymore. Then is that really your friend? You hit the nail on the head, you know, because even I've had friends that have asked me for money. And the first thing I asked is, what's wrong? Why are you in this situation? It's not that to say as a friend, I may not give you the money, but I want to know why.

Why are you in that situation where you need £50? How do you not have £50? What's the situation we need to deal with before I even help you out? Exactly. It's the thing that we all need to do, man. It's not small. They can ask for £25. But why would you have to borrow £25? £25 is not hard to come by. So why do you want to borrow £25? But if they increase it, oh no, the real amount is £250.

You're like, how did you get into the pot of being £250? So really, they just need to own it up and say, hey, look, I'm just in a tight situation. But yeah, you need to be like the bank yourself. You need to be like, are you good for it? But the people I have borrowed to, I had no real thing. I believe I'll get it back. Come on. So you know what I'll do?

At that time, I'll ask God, God, does this seem like the right thing for me to do at this point? Because this person seems desperate. A lot of people, I say no. And then some people, I'll be like, you know what? This person never comes to me. At the level of their pride, they usually don't want to ever do this. So I said, you know what?

At this point, I'm going to give it on the basis that I hope that this is really going to be solved. Do you know what? 100% of the people that I borrowed money to never paid it back on the date that they said. You said, and you gave the date. You gave the date. It doesn't matter. You told me. You could have said whatever. You told me. You know what? I hate it when that happens.

And on the day, you're going to wait for me to call you to be like, oh, you know what, bruh? What do you mean? I let her pass. I was mindless. Next month, I'm going to remind her again. Three months. I said, hey, how's everything going? Yeah, I'm good. You know, they don't talk nothing about the money. What's your thoughts on one partner paying an allowance to the other? Hmm. Hmm.

When I think, if I was just like, yeah, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to take a situation where I heard of one of my mom had a colleague and they were both like really high earners. And then the woman had their first baby and it was quite a tough time. And then when she had to recover and get back into like a job, she was like, I can't do that. She just physically doesn't feel like she could do this anymore.

She didn't feel great. She was kind of in a bad mood, et cetera. Not a bad mood, but just overall just wasn't good. And she wants to stay the child. So they had to make a decision. I said, what would I do in that situation? I said, you know what? Especially that you brought a child into the world and you want to, I took a stance that I'm usually the person who likes balance because I believe everybody has a passion.

They have something they live by. Like before me or without me, you still have something you live by, but you know what? Not every passion pays. So I would like to believe that you still are living out your passion in some form. Maybe it's not one that pays, but you also want to stay home. So that's where I would take a compromise.

I'll just, for me personally, a woman that wants an allowance is not the type of woman that wants to be with me. That's not, that's not, that's not my type of woman. That's not who I'm trying to build this because what you're saying is, is that don't want to go to work, but you want a salary like you're working. That's cheating. Now, the problem is, is that again, you have to understand the man that you are.

The man that I am, I can't respect you the same way if that's the mindset that you have. You see my wife here, we can have, we can have talks about like my business, whatever her, whatever, and I can respect her opinion and take her opinion. And sometimes we might not agree, but I might listen because you know what she brings? She does. She contributes. It's a partnership.

If I feel that it's all me and you're just living off me, your voice is going to be really small. That's just, your voice is going to be really small up here. What? You said you're hot. You want to put the heating on. What do you mean? I'm cold. Do you understand what I'm going to say? You've done nothing. You're, I don't understand. It's not making sense to me.

So for me personally, that type of woman is not going to be attractive to me. That type of woman is not going to. Now, again, on the flip side, for example, now me and my wife have been building, like I said, this year we're going to be 10 years. My aim is in the next, in the next five years, I retire my wife. She don't have to work no more.

That means that I can pay all the bills, whatever she, whatever money she make, she do what she like. If she don't want to make money, you've got to join the account, do what you like. That's my goal. Cause you know what? The woman gave me four youths. She hustled with me. We've grown, we've built together. I want to retire her and let's let her enjoy her life.

Let her go start do coffee with the girls for no damn reason. You know, like just go wherever she wants to. I want, I want to give her that. So, but that's after work. That's after energy. That's after building. That's after building. That's after us achieving things together as a, I can't, you can't come day one. We ain't done nothing. What, because- Nah, not day one. Day one is the what? Don't let it be day one.

No, but you know what? You know, some of them are like, no, because all they're going to do, they're going to look pretty. They're going to, they're going to, they're going to, they're going to give you that. They're going to be that nice trophy Mrs. That you can take around the mandem. Do you know what I mean? She's going to let you do your thing. Like, you know, like someone like that.

Like someone like, like, like, like that. Ah, she let me do my thing. So you, you like a girl that lets, lets you go and cheat on her. And you thought that was a type of girl that you wanted to raise and have kids with. But the problem for me is that it's, it's at the same time, it's like you need to hold your, have values in yourself.

As your woman, you need to make sure they have, they respect themselves in that way. How can you allow yourself to be in that position where you just don't do nothing? Don't do nothing and you're living off someone else. It's like, well, how much respect do you have for yourself at that point? But they put you on the world to do that, man. Come on. Come on.

When you hear about all these girls in Dubai and man's pee on them. Why would, what is going on? What is going on? Like, you don't miss the lesson. Like love yourself, respect yourself. And I understand that if I'm like, don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. There are certain men that want their wives to have an allowance and want their wives and the wife will be arguing, you know, I want more.

If that's you, that's you. I'm the same for me. I don't judge no one else what they do in their house. That's their business. But I know the type of woman that I want around me. And that, that's not what they're on. Yeah. That for me, that ain't happening in it. Even if like I'm a millionaire, like I expect you to have a level of respect for yourself.

And also like, even if, even if I am making all this money where I'm making crazy amounts of dough, like I still want you to have your own journey financially to be able to support yourself. Like it does, like even I think someone, I think P Diddy might have done this to one of his kids. Like P Diddy, he's a wealthy man, isn't he? But he's like, I'm not giving my son money.

He needs to go out there and hustle to make his own cause he needs to appreciate the value in being able to work hard to earn something. And I would want that in my partner. It's not for me to just give you everything. I would like you to feel that pleasure in being able to earn something and say, this is mine. This is what I built. This is what I can stand upon. And that's what I would want for my woman.

So I wouldn't, I would never like an allowance. What are you on about? Even if she did like an online shop. Do you know what I mean? Even if you said, look, give me some money. Let me do an online store and make some money. At least I can pay for my wife. Come on. I need to buy, I need to buy women products. And you're coming to ask me that. Come on. All right. Wicked man. Wicked. Amazing.

So thank you guys for sending in those questions. Please do keep sending them in. I know we didn't get to all of them, so hopefully we'll touch on some of them in our Instagram and other socials. So make sure you keep an eye out for that. This platform isn't just about us talking to you. Get involved, ask questions and continue the conversation and open up to us about your views and your experiences as well.

Obviously for you listeners, if you've enjoyed the podcast and want to help us out, please consider liking, sharing, and remember to follow us at TalkingToMyThoughts to stay up to date with all of our content. Emmanuel, thank you so much for today. It was a wicked conversation. I appreciate it 100%. I loved it. Thank you.