Ep29 | Is Porn And Masturbation Damaging Us?

We get so intellectual, we build up our physical strength, we build up even our emotional strength. Us men, we build up our financial capacity, we build up our ability to relate and create institution, but our sexual essence, dare I say 90% of men are still 12 years old when it comes to sex. This is talking to my thoughts.

Welcome to talking to my thoughts, the podcast where we have open, honest, and raw conversations, but with a twist. We bring a unique perspective on our inner thoughts by literally pre-recording the things that are on our mind before talking about them with the group. Now, the reason why we do this is because we believe before you can be open with others, you first have to be open with yourself.

So make sure you guys stay up to date with all of our content by following us on our socials talking to my thoughts and make sure you guys listen to the end to hear our responses to some of your thought provoking questions. Now, my name is Simon, AKA SJ. I'm a proud St. Lucian, I'm a father of two, and I'm a content creator. My name is Craig, AKA Mr. Positive. I'm a cheesy motivator with a St.

Lucian background and a passion for helping others find and maintain their peace. Yes, and today we are joined by a very special guest. Mikkel, please introduce yourself. I love you, that's interesting. My name is Mikkel Amin. I'm a Tezaji, a spiritual player and innovator in the spiritual game, artist, coach, and all around world changer. And yeah, man, I love pleasure and peace of life. I'm also St.

Vincentian background, just so we're adding to this Caribbean flow. Ah, yes. Yeah, that's the Caribbean flow right now, man. Before we jump into our conversation, we like to give our listeners an opportunity to know our guests a little bit better before we start. So we're gonna go on the front foot by asking you a couple of questions to open up.

So the first question I'm gonna ask you, if you could go back to your childhood, Mikkel, what would the one thing you would want to master to make you an expert today? Discipline. Because my power has only been muted by lack of discipline. And it's something that, you know, in my spiritual journey, I've realized discipline is the key to freedom. Whereas my entire life, I thought it was the opposite.

So that's one thing. I would make sure it's there from childhood. Discipline, the ability to see something through to the end. One more question. So what would actually turn you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? What's the thing that kind of drives you? Essentially, they're all the same thing. Women. Yeah. Why? That's almost a ridiculous question.

But like, but you know, women are the greatest, like it's the closest thing you'll get to experience of God. You know what I'm saying? And women is where you come from to get life and it's where you return to to make life. So they will remain the greatest muses on the planet. You know, so if you talk about creatively, what inspires my creativity? Women. What inspires my spiritual growth? Women.

What inspires my emotional growth? Women. And my emotional challenges. It's always women. Thank you, bro. So, all right. So that's not actually the topic. That's just a little bit to open up to us. So today's topic is about masturbation and porn. Is it a healthy fantasy or is it a damaging dream? That's a good segue, right? Yeah. Exactly. I'll set you up right there.

Now, when we're looking at what this word actually means, I guess what we can do is a bit of a word association to find out when you hear that word, masturbation was the first thing that pops into your mind. But if you Google it, if you go onto Wikipedia, the description that they give is that it's self-stimulation to achieve sexual arousal.

So in as few words as possible, what does that kind of spark in your mind when you hear that word? Mikael, do you want to go first? What, masturbation? Yeah. Yeah, just exactly the same thing. Jerking off. Okay. Fair point. Craig, what's your thoughts? Easy escape. Oh, easy escape. When I first heard that word, a lack of control in my first initial thoughts. That's kind of what I think.

We'll delve a little bit deeper into that and how that kind of works. But yeah, that's our first thought. So we can already see we're on different kind of wavelengths in terms of what that subject means to us, which is good. Cause then we can open up the discussion from there. So let's dig a little bit deeper. We'll kick off our first thought. I will play my voice note first.

Obviously pay attention to the words and then we'll pick it back up after he's finished playing, yeah? Cool. It's actually mad. There's such a stigma around trying to talk about this and such a, I don't know, it's tricky cause you don't often talk about these things, man. I guess that's what we're here for, to kind of break down the things that we actually all go through but don't really speak about, innit?

And it's funny, just as I was ready to do this voice note, I had to quickly look around the room to make sure no one was listening and paying attention to what I had to say, even though this is a recording and people are gonna hear it anyway. But just that whole privacy and that whole embarrassment about talking about things that are natural is such a weird thing.

So I'm trying to think how I'm gonna tackle this but essentially what we're talking about is, what are we talking about? Your sexual desires, your urges, your needs, your wants, all of that stuff. It's very, like for me, it's weird. It feels very animalistic in that sense and you always wanna try and present yourself as someone that's in control and someone that has self-control.

And to be honest, I guess with men, we can kind of say that in particular with men, we have less control over our natural urges. It's arguable to say that. I can only say as a man, innit? But yeah, it's a part of life, I guess. It's a part of growing up. You get to that age where you just start to discover yourself a bit more.

You start to discover your attraction and your, yeah, it's a natural thing but it's just how do you, that journey is often a journey that you go through alone even though literally everybody else is going through it. You just don't talk about it. So I think when we're looking at like masturbation, I think it's a process of learning how to control who you are and your urges. Yeah, I don't know.

For me, it kind of started obviously in my teenage years growing up, going through puberty, trying to figure things out and then something happens with your body and the changes in yourself. And it's like, okay, this is new. This is interesting. What do I do with this? Yeah, let me figure out how I can deal with it. And funny enough, it's not really something that I did when I was younger.

It was something that I picked up on, I guess you could say later on in life in terms of being able to satisfy myself. Yeah, man, it's a tricky one. You can see I'm just trying to process it because I've never actually really honestly spoken about it. Honestly, wholeheartedly, I've never really spoken about it. Obviously with mandem, you might have a couple of bants about this and that.

But you just kind of brush it off and it's just like, yeah, let me not just say, let me not talk about that. That's a bit personal. But for me, I guess the question that we're looking at when we're saying, is it something which would be healthy or is it something which is damaging? And I guess with anything you can say, it's gonna be damaging if you abuse it. I guess that's a matter of fact.

Like I wouldn't say that your urges or your desires would be something which is unhealthy until it comes to a point where you are abusing it and it's something which you're enforcing onto other people. And the reason why I say that, I guess, in relation to in a relationship, if you're so caught up in what your fantasy is, then you're almost putting on other person to have to live up to that.

And if they don't, then it's almost like a disappointment to you. So yeah, I guess there's something we'll tackle in the conversation, but my initial thought is it is healthy. It is healthy if you have control. It's when you lose control and you have that lack of control and you're abusing yourself, you're abusing your, like you're kind of going overboard in terms of your mentality.

And basically your dream becomes, you want your dream to be your reality when most of the time what you're fantasizing is exactly what that is, it's a fantasy. So yeah, it's a difficult subject to touch on, but I think it's an important one because we don't have it and we need to have it just so we can just remove that whole stigma. And that whole faux pas of about just keeping, well, you know what?

I agree, some things you can keep to yourself, innit? But at the end of the day, if it's something that we're all going through and it all affects us, where is the difficulty in being able to share it and being able to talk about it? So we know for a fact that everybody does it, most people, and yet we don't talk about it. So yeah, man, I think it is healthy. It is natural, it is humane.

I think that the kind of stigma comes from the fact that people think it's to do with a lack of control. So yeah, man, we'll open up the conversation, but it's just an interesting, it's gonna get very techie. It's quite interesting listening because instantly I was like, I don't think Simon's ever spoken about this before, like openly. And it was good to kind of hear the transition.

And then when you finally got over the, I guess people can call it shame because that's what people believe it is, the shame. So to even give quick context about me, I personally asked this question among my cousins like years back, I literally just said, yo, you man, like how many times do you masturbate? Or something like that.

And then when they said their numbers or how many times they did it, I was like, hey, man's normal, I have heard. The struggle isn't alone. So my real question for you, I liked what you said, you picked up a certain piece where you said, it is natural if you abuse it is when it becomes a problem.

Because even though you wasn't able to process speaking about it openly, you was able to self process what it could cause and how it can lead down that road in a negative way. A good question for you, which is super intrusive already, you're gonna hate me for it, is have you had a situation when you found it was like masturbating was bad?

When did you first realize that masturbating could be a negative for you personally? Oh, okay. That's a good question, man. I don't know when I guess, the only time it's weird because it actually leads on to one of the questions that we're gonna talk about later, but especially when you're in a relationship, sometimes you feel a bit guilty. Like you feel that, why am I doing this on my own?

So it's a weird feeling to have where it's just like, it's almost like you're feeling like, okay, your partner can't fulfill what you actually want. So you kind of feel guilty in that respect. I don't know, that's the only time I've probably felt like or you've had those moments where you do it more than once in a day and it's just like, all right, what's going on now? This is a bit too much.

You probably think, okay, maybe once a week is enough or what, but then when you do it a couple of times a day, it's like, all right, this is getting a bit overboard now. What's going on? So I don't know, that's the only times I've felt it's negatively or I've thought about it in a negative light. But yeah, I don't know, that's a tricky question.

Yeah, I wanted to ask that question because I think a lot of us went through a similar process of masturbation where masturbation always was seen as something that was done alone, probably because you don't have somebody to fulfill that for you. And then when you have the person to fulfill it, then masturbation is almost seen as a taboo.

If you do it alone and you have a partner, it's like, well, why are you doing that if you have a partner? Again, this is actually more walked by society. Have you ever been sat down honestly and be taught why you masturbate, why not to masturbate, when to masturbate? There's like, we've never had that. I never had that personally.

I've had to research, I've had to listen, I've had to watch, I've had to experience, I've had to do it to the extremes, not do it at all and then figure it out along the way in a sense and try to not get lost in the source you could call it. But it's interesting that you do what you say. Like, I could see how it's easy to kind of figure out which one.

So this is why we're exploring this conversation because I'm sure many people have this question as well. So a question for you, Mikko, would be have you, what was your first negative experience with masturbation that you could remember? Negative. Yes. Negative. Yeah, it's weird. It's a cloudy thing, isn't it?

Because masturbation has always been positive, but it never felt right because you were always keeping it secret. No one spoke to you, so it always felt good. So at the beginning, it felt kind of negative, but not. It's a weird feeling, right? It's a guilty pleasure, as they call it, because it was good to me, right? And it was a natural thing to me.

I remember the first time I masturbated and I didn't know what I was doing. I was just holding a pillow in between my legs and it just felt, for some reason, that felt nice. And then what I felt was the area kind of shaking, but nothing came out at the age. I was very young, do you get what I'm saying? I felt that whole ejaculation simulation, but nothing came out. So that was just a good feeling.

Do you get what I'm saying? I remember it's like, I must have been like nine, 10. Do you get what I'm trying to say? Same kind of age. Really early. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and then being surprised at my erection, like when my penis grew, I was like, yo, what's going on? It was crazy. But no one to school you on that. It was always like a, it was almost like a, it's like getting high.

You know, here's when masturbation, ah, when masturbation got really dark, is when you're going out of your way to watch porn. I couldn't imagine what you're really thinking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going out of your way, because it starts very innocently, you know?

You end up seeing some, you know, a woman or some things, or even not even a woman, just yourself, you're just like, oh, that feels nice, randomly, that feels good. See? Then you get a woman and that arousal comes to you. And then you start learning that pattern. And for me, like my first women that I would look at was the WWF Divas. So there's that, there's that, there's that.

And then, it's funny as my older sister showed me porn first. Yeah, my older sister showed me porn. My first porn website, my older sister. Like, so up until that point, you may have skipped, you may have gone too far past Cartoon Network. You got to see it. Yeah. But where it became thing is when I understood there was a world out there where I could participate, that encouraged this participation.

That not only, in fact, not even encourage that harvested that energy. And because there's no safe space for us to connect and do that and practice our nature, it gets wrapped up into this world of lies, deception, sin, lust. You get what I'm saying? It's very sad, we almost get tossed to the lions, if you will, who built an industry around the energy that is otherwise uncultivated.

So I think, yeah, at that teenage age, I can't remember specific moments, but, you know, going back, I remember, oh, I'm doing a lot just to get to this, just to get to this practice. Just to get to that. Yeah. Well, it's interesting actually, because as you said that, it never starts off as, as we already touched on, it never starts off as you're doing something which you think is wrong.

As an innocent teenager, it's not even the fact of you're hiding it because you know it's wrong. You're hiding it because you're embarrassed by it. So it leads on to then starting to think, okay, it's wrong because no one else is speaking about it. So I think that's where the confusion happens because no one talks about it. They're not speaking about it. Most people are preaching against it. Yeah, exactly.

That's why you start to start to think, okay, now it's wrong. So now I'm committing a sin, but I can't help myself. And that's the word that I started off with is, it's almost a lack of control because now I can't help myself. It's a natural thing for me, but I'm embarrassed by it. And now it's got to a point where I now think I'm doing wrong by doing it. So I'm definitely not telling anyone.

Why am I gonna tell everyone that I'm doing wrong? That don't make no sense. Yeah. So I think the stigma needs to be opened up a little bit more. And I guess the question that we would need to think about is how do we then make it so that it's not stigmatized? How do we, how do you create that space?

Conversation like this is great, but there needs to be a space, a safe space where as a young person growing up, when you start to discover yourself like that, where do you go to? Who do you speak to? How does that work? And I think that's what we need to start tackling. What's the solution?

In the motherland, they have rites of passage where when a boy and a girl reach the age of puberty, they are separated and gone through their training as men and women, you see? And a lot of that time that will involve, for example, the women, it will involve how to clean their vulva, how to pleasure their future husband, their roles and responsibilities as a woman. For the boy, it's the same, their roles as a man.

You'll get put through certain things that show his responsibility and his discipline, which is all to do with his sexuality. And he will be circumcised. You see what I'm saying? So things like that, for example, where the community as men, we are to create these environments for young men and women to engage in their sexuality with security and wisdom and support.

Yeah, so in a nutshell, it's about us looking at us as men culturally as black men and us in this environment and world we live in, how do we bring boys through that trajectory of growth? It's inevitable, it's gonna come. And I think sexual discipline must be cultivated in our teenage boys so that when they become men, it can be pointed in the direction whatever they are to manifest as men.

And the family plays a big role in that. Lack of sexual discipline leads to poor choices in sexual partners, which leads to broken families. Does that make sense? And that's a huge thing on a man's part. Does that make sense? So yeah, I think sexual discipline, but we have to go through that training ourselves. And this conversation is like, this conversation needs to be had a lot.

It's interesting what you say there, Mikael, because some of the stuff that I've learned over the time, especially more in my adult age, more in my 20s around masturbation and trying to get over the taboo, how is it so natural? And more specifically, what you focus on is the energy, especially spiritual energy. That is the main thing that you focus on.

The first time I ever read it was in Think and Grow Rich, which was around sexual energy. And they said that masturbation, actually, well, sex in general is actually about creativity. It's not about like horniness. And this is the first time I heard this is what my brain, I was like, really? Like being horny is not necessarily the fact of you wanting sex or you wanted masturbation.

It's actually just raw energy that is actually for creation, like babies, but also for other things. It's actually for creation, but we interpret it because we've created a link between that energy coming up and we suddenly want to masturbate or escape with it or hide it.

But in reality, the energy can be, as he said, as Mikael said, harnessed into people that paint, people that sing, create songs, create some of the best things that they've had in that kind of way. And it's more important to kind of have that kind of control. Go ahead, go ahead, Mikael.

What really blew my mind is that desire that we have when we're horny or when we go into lust to want to have sex or masturbate, as you rightfully said, is exactly the same when you transmute that energy up another notch. The truth is all we're doing with life is having sex. Like we are literally, when you understand that sex is masculine and feminine, creating something new, that's what it is.

We are literally caught up in that game, that our entire experience of life is sex. Meaning the moon, the earth and the sun. That's the biggest sexual relationship that's happening. And we are a product of that. We stand in between those two. You see what I'm saying? So the physical part of ourselves is only the last aspect to our spirituality.

There's at least 10 other layers to our spirituality that the sexual energy is produced on. I think it's, and this is something I talk about a lot because it's important for people to start to understand. Once I started to understand, stood that, like that sex is layers, then I started as a man, it's weird.

When we believe that my dick raising or that rush of blood to the lower areas of my being is for pornography or for just for a woman, then that's all we're gonna be caught up in, you see? However, when we learn that you know that, you know that's how you can build new worlds. You know that, right? Yeah, yeah. And you really see it in practice. You start going, hold on, hold on, wait. Let me try this and I've done it.

And you feel so fulfilled. You're like, oh shit. You see, now where I want brothers to go easier on themselves is most of us been wanking since 12 and up. So we're 30 year olds. It takes time, it takes time. And this is where we beat ourselves up. You read one blog post about semen retention and think you're supposed to just download that. You're dealing with a 20 year habit. You hear what I said?

You're dealing with a 20 year habit. It's a big habit. It's something I wanna touch on from what you said there. And this actually leads on straight onto my own voice recording is the fact that you literally said it when I read the book or listened to that part, it's a sexual trans mutation. I was like, for real?

Like that's, so horniness isn't necessarily to do with masturbation, it's to do with, actually it's just raw. So I said, so instantly I was like, challenge. How long can you hold out and see what happens? Now the first week is like cold turkey. It's like, damn, I'm sweating out here, bro. I don't have to do this. The second week comes in, it starts to get normal.

But the point is to really stop yourself is not to stop because the energy is something that's always created is to transfer it elsewhere, to do something else, to take on, I don't know, creating a business or doing a new, a better habit or something like that and move that energy elsewhere, going to the gym.

Men will be so surprised that if they went to the gym instead of masturbate, they would actually have a better feeling or it has a better effect over, but basically shifted. So when the first week, when it was cold turkey, it was hard. Second week came in, started to get a bit better, stronger. By the time the third week came in, I didn't think about masturbation anymore. I thought about being productive.

That's all it is. It's about the discipline is so that you have the power to use it for your own good. Do you get what I'm trying to say? You know, yeah, that's all it is. That's what the discipline is there for, so that we have the power to bring it to serve us. Do you get what I'm saying? And so what we are here to do as men, not take away from us.

So I'm going to play my recording so you can kind of get a gist about where I was at with it as well. And yeah, we'll just kind of go from then and continue the conversation straight after. Cool, let's go. Masturbation and porn. Fun enough, I would say masturbation and porn would be like the ultimate escape. Like one of the greatest and worst escapes for men, especially, and for women actually, from research.

Why I say that is because it's that probably one of the highest amount of dopamine hits you can get. And at the same time, one of the most detrimental ones you can get as well, because it's like a drug. It kind of doesn't stop in a sense. Porn kind of warps the brain as to what's real and what's not in a sense of like what your real sex life will be like versus what porn shows you.

And then masturbation is just, again, like this instant gratification kind of thing. It's just super accessible, which makes it a problem.

Why do I personally say it's a problem for in my own life or what I've experienced as well is, if you're so used to using it as an escape when you're either low or you need a wind down or you need a dopamine hit, then when it comes to like hard things in your life that you're supposed to do or you want to do, you can't do them because they are so far away from exciting and great or feeling amazing.

And you're so used to being on this high because your escape is so accessible to you. I found that I potentially indulged in it a bit more when I was like at the peak of my career, because it would be like, I would work super duper duper hard.

And then when I get back home or nighttime, then my way of winding down would be that but the problem is that if I wanted to work on my own things now, outside of work, it would be a problem. It would be an issue because it's not exciting to me. It's not as exciting as what I could be doing.

And in porn just kind of warps my brain in the sense of it being like believing or even trying to act out or do anything close to it. And it feels like a drug. It's almost like that first of people to take drugs would be like, well, alcohol is a good example. You would take it at first, the first time you have alcohol, you may get drunk pretty easily or you may feel it pretty quickly.

But as you keep drinking, you keep needing more and more and more and more and more and more to get the same hit that you used to get when you first started. That's how I see masturbation on porn. Why do I see it's a detriment to us as men and women is that it's not real to life completely. In my opinion, I feel it can take us away.

If you don't do it correctly, if you do it for an escape, then you will always kind of exert this energy, hit this dopamine high, and then you will just feel empty afterwards in a sense, and it can stop you. I find there is almost a direct correlation between your control over your body's urges and your ability to strive in your own personal life, in my opinion.

Especially if you use masturbation as escape, not everybody use it that way, but this is just my personal experience. I found that when I found more control with not indulging in it and not allowing that to happen and only kind of getting into anything sexually with my body when it comes down to sex in itself, it was stronger, it was better that way than to use it as an escape.

And then I seem to not be able to have normal control of my everyday life in a sense, if anything, things can go downhill.

There was almost a direct correlation that I perform better when I don't indulge in it, when I don't watch porn, et cetera, which is why I've kind of taken it out of my life at major points to ensure that I can perform better, I can feel stronger, I have more energy, I can sleep better, I can stop chasing things that have high dopamine, and instead I can do the things that are hard in my life, but I know in the long run, they are good for me.

The best way I can say is that human beings are wired for instant gratification, but if you can learn to control it, you can learn to strive for the things that with intention, not just the things that are just gonna give you a quick high and then disappear, disappear, disappear.

As we kind of came with the topic, I didn't initially think there was a polarization, there was opposites, but when you think about, like my first thought was masturbation and porn go hand in hand, that's the first thought I had in my mind.

But when you start to think about it, you can definitely separate the two to be like, well, one is clearly gonna be detrimental, and the other one can be a very healthy thing to do. And it even follows on from the second part where the topic was, is it healthy or is it damaging? How do we address those two? And how do you relate what we're talking about in regards to that topic?

I agree with you, Craig, in terms of my view of it being something which can be abusive, and if it does get to that stage, it definitely does feel like it's a bit of a drug, like you're getting to a stage where, okay, this is too much now. Like when I thought of it negatively, I was like, well, am I doing it too much? This feels like I'm just addicted to it now, like what's going on?

For you, what was your initial thought when you started to experience those urges? What was your initial thought? How did you process that? Funny enough, so among my friends who listen to this, they're gonna be like, what the? But with my parents, we've never ever talked about sex. Like probably when I was in my twenties, it was the first time they even asked me anything about it.

So I was never taught about masturbation, I was never taught about sex, the birds and the bees and all of that, it was just never a conversation. Which funny enough, weirdly enough, not speaking about it could potentially lead to it seeming like a taboo or shame.

Weirdly enough, I guess you just watch enough internet and you kind of just, the first thing you probably even, if you was to go on the internet and talk about, think of such masturbation or even anything around it, you're gonna find shame attached to it more than energy and good things, if anything. So this is exactly what Mikael was talking about. So I assume, I think the first time I ever did it was when I was 15.

Again, I didn't know what was really going on. And then I thought, let me just kind of watch this. And then your brain starts to attach it to porn. The damaging thing was the first thing I attached it to was porn. I never experienced it without it, in a sense, when I first kind of kicked it off. So I didn't know about it, but instantly I attached it to shame.

It was always the things you go out your way, you got to be hiding about it. If you're doing it during the time that people are awake, you got to have that volume super low, you got to hear out, listen out. Like, what way would you say? Yeah, what'd you say? So that's how I kind of grew up around it. It grew from there, when you're home alone, et cetera, it was just easy access and everything.

And I never saw it as a problem, if I'm honest with you. When I was young, I never saw it as a problem because in my head, funny enough, there was a part of me where sex, I had to have a friendship with women for me to have sex with them. I could never have a one, I've never had a one like Stan. I've never had a thing where I've had sex and not being friends with them after.

So that was my one, I would say that was my saving grace that I did, because of that, it made me not see women completely as objects and just overuse it. So it was like, you're going to do this masturbation on your own, but you ain't about to use them. You ain't about to do that. Now, it wasn't until I got to my twenties, did it start to change things. I was in relationships from there onwards.

I thought that then I had like a bit of a break. So then I started to explore myself a bit more, try to look at myself, image myself inside of myself, what brings me peace, et cetera. Crazy journey, started to read more books, et cetera. And then I came across, as I said, the Bink and Grow Rich, and this was the first ever time I heard, and this was crazy, right?

It was the first ever time I ever experienced that masturbation or the energy of masturbation or sexual transmutation. Basically the fact that that energy can be transferred. And as soon as I heard that, that unlocked everything. If a child drops milk, he's going to cry. Yes, that's a sure reaction for a baby. As you grow, you understand how to use that same energy differently.

In your team, if a man says, bruv, you're ugly, you may want to fight him. If a man says, bruv, you're ugly, you might just chuckle and be like, oh, he's going through some shit. Do you get what I'm saying? So your ability, spirituality is literally your ability to use energy. Your awareness of energy, that's who spirituality is. This society trains us as men to, we get so intellectual.

We build up our physical strength. We build up even our emotional strength. Us men, we build up our financial capacity. We build up our ability to relate and create institutions. But that sexual essence gets left at 10 years old.

So this is why it's really important to, like I said, we've got to both take responsibility for this, but also be kind of the fact that we've grown up in a society that has no curriculum for sex other than tell you how to use a condom. Do you get what I'm saying? But sexual transmutation, the essence of sex, most men, dare I say 90% of men, are still 12 years old when it comes to sex.

Just happy that a girl opened up a vagina to let you in. That's it. And then think about it, when we enter in that sexual game, all we're thinking about is how many we could, we're not even thinking about how we're pleasuring the girl, how what she's feeling, is she, are we cleansed so that when she's becoming one with us, she's getting the right energy from us? We ain't thinking about that shit.

We're thinking about what she looks like and all the physical ways we can experience her. So this leads to my question, because, and this is not an unfounded question, this is actually based on what I've seen in the motherland. I feel like there needs to be a positive porn industry that deals with the education. Yes?

Like, from the top down, about sex, through the practice of it, through the observation of it, just like we do, right? And through the communion of it. Because if you look, bro, we have a secret, think about this, us as men, all men, and even as women, we have a secret society around porn.

Me and you have, us three have never had this discussion, but we know about channel 235, we know about the same station, we know about the Tumblr hashtag, we know about, do you get what I'm saying? We know about clearing the browser, or only clearing that section so it don't look fake. You're giving away the tricks, bro, you're giving away the tricks. We already have a community. We already have a community.

But it's a secret one. And when it remains in the dark, again, it remains outside of our ability to discipline it and channel it in our favour. But I'm more saying, we know our nature, our nature is sex, and we're black people. Our sexual energy is the most potent on the planet. Do you understand? This is why I created the game of Chesa Rojo.

Because for people who wanna go to meditation and peace, you gotta understand, you can't do it like how white people and Indians do it. That's not our game. We dance. We dance. We shout, we scream, we yell, we rhythm, we rap, we freestyle, that's how we meditate. Does that make sense? That's how we meditate.

No matter where you see us, Caribbean, Africa, African-American, no matter where you see us, that's our expression to Chesa Rojo. But when you look at that, that is our sexual essence. And that is always what has been the eye of the one who doesn't have it and the commodity that the one who doesn't have it wants to harvest. We need to bring that same energy into a space where we can relate with it positively.

Young boys need to know it's okay to masturbate, but they need to know how to use that, use the masturbation for a meditation. They need to know how to pleasure a woman. They need to be taught that. Do you get what I'm saying? They need to be taught how they can have an orgasm without ejaculating. Because it's possible. We've got, it's just a bad habit right now, innit?

We need to break the cycle, because at the moment, the habit that we have is, it's a negative stigma. I don't really want to talk to my son about that, because I don't know how I feel about that. It's embarrassing. I don't really want him to be doing that. And because we don't have those conversations and we don't have the spaces to be able to do that, the cycle is just going to continue, innit?

It isn't going to change. So it's easy for you to say that to someone, all right, we need to teach our kids that. But if you haven't been taught that, you can't then teach your child, because you don't even know how. We have to go through it, this is where it becomes. How, like, again, spirituality or love is about what you want to become. If we want to teach our children that, then we have to become it.

So therefore, it begs the question, how dedicated we are to our future. Because now, me watching porn, or not having a discipline over my masturbation habits is no longer about me, but the future of my daughter, who was born five months ago. Congratulations, man. Congratulations. Thank you, bro. I can't talk to my daughter about men who, about sexual discipline, right?

If I haven't cultivated in the boys within her generation sexual discipline, I can't teach them about sexual discipline. I'm not even going to open my mouth about it if I'm not on my path. Like, when my godson hit me up, I rated him so much, I was like, yo, you're a doper guy than me. He hit me up when he had his first wet dream. Swear. I was like, my guy, that's normal, bro, yeah, man. Yeah.

Like, that's what I'm, you're on, you hear what I'm saying, you're becoming a man now. Does that make sense? But I was like, I couldn't have them conversation with my dad, and I lived with my dad. You just got to be ready to be there, be like, yeah, here you go, it's a book I've been reading. And here's how I've been doing it. Do you get what I'm trying to say? And here's how I tend for that.

My dad would always, from the young, my dad would be like, yo, look at your girlfriend there, look at your girlfriend. You know what I'm saying? From young, from like four or five, six, that's your girlfriend, that's your girlfriend. You know what I'm saying? And I get it, it's his son, you know, he's whatever, but it's like, that should translate into you talking to me about sex.

But actually, yeah, actual education. When I reach that age, that should translate to you taking me out for a drink, giving me a beer, and saying, let's talk about masturbation, son, and let's talk about sex, because you're about to go into secondary school, and you know, there's going to be things that's going to be guanine, weed, pom-pom everywhere, gyal that's on it. Do you get what I'm saying?

Things that you've never seen before, you're about to see some titties, son, that real life one. Things you've never seen before. Yeah. No, you know what, you're actually, no, you're seriously hitting the point, like a lot of people will be like, well, how are we going to have these conversations?

Like, what's some awkward conversation where you have to pick up, sit them down, and say, we're going to have a serious conversation, but you said it right there, as soon as you made a joke about, hey, that's your girlfriend, or you're going to secondary school, but you're about to expose to a lot of titties, then you'll be like, look, with titties comes responsibility, you need to know about what goes on.

Like, how do you treat those things? How do you treat yourself? How do you put yourself out there? How do you receive it from them as well? When you have these banter conversations, you can get kicked off into something else. Like, one of my best friends is the same thing.

We talk about it with him, we went through a phase where there was a lot of porn in our life, and we literally started to realize, actually, we need to cut away porn. If anything, if we're going to masturbate, you need to cut away porn, at least. At least do that for yourself. Even if you're still using it as a skill, at least do that for yourself.

Because there's this, as Mikael says it, this like never-ending hole that it will just, it just never gets filled. But for a man to masturbate on his own, without pornography, it's a different kind of ego check. Does that make sense? You have- I didn't even think about it like that, you know? It's about you going into self. You see? We wasn't given these sensations in our body for no reason. Yes?

The devil didn't invent masturbation, God did. You get what I'm trying to say? That masturbation is our privilege to pleasure ourselves. Right? But that same privilege, just like anger, excitement, strength, intellect, and all of that, it's to be strengthened over time.

Just like in school, in my tongue, in school, and my wisdom, awareness was used to destroy people about how they look, about how they smell, or whatever I wanted to do with it. As a man, that same power is used to give people life and confidence in themselves. You see what I'm saying? So it's never to put something in a good or bad box. It's do you have the ability to bring it in alignment with your godly purpose?

The sperm is literally belongs to the woman. Yes? Belongs to her. It's the only place it serves a purpose. You see? So that's to tell you, if you ain't putting it in her, it doesn't need to come out of you. Q and A. First question is, let's see what I've got. Okay, so first question, I guess we touch on it slightly, but is porn creating too much of an expectation on young people to perform? Yes.

Yes, I'm gonna just say straight, yes, it is. And it's unrealistic, it's so, it's crazy. I just say, yes, I could explain it, and it's just, as a kid, I believe as a kid or as an adult, you should experience things in its time. But the internet is skipping all of this with no guidelines, no manual, no self-control, no discipline, no nothing.

So when you finally experience it for the real life, you're like, whoa, hold up. When I was doing it against that, that shit felt way better or looked seen better. But when I'm doing it here, this is like, this is whack. You understand? I said it's whack, you know? That's nice, it's literally like that, which is why, again, maybe women seem to maybe go for older men.

And then why younger men would almost seem like, oh, this is gonna be amazing to find an older woman, for example. There's this chase after the age gap as well. And I just find that poor. And even when you come away from it being a kid and you become an adult, yo, some people are not porn stars firstly, and some people will never become porn stars in their lifetime.

No matter how many years you stack on yourself, they will never have the same skills as what you see on the videos. And they're not supposed to, because you don't need to do all that, that geriatrics to get pleasure. Can I interject? Go ahead, go ahead. When I first heard you say it, I was like, you know what, he's right. And then I was like, nah, I disagree. Yeah. Okay.

Because we can say the internet has done what it's done, which is true, but the truth is the internet is here. You get it? So it's a product of reality, just like any other reality that came before. So what the internet has done is exposed people to possibility. People that, women that didn't know they could squirt before now want to squirt and expect to be able to squirt.

Women that didn't know they was supposed to enjoy orgasms now want to enjoy orgasms because they've done watched it. Does that make sense? Societies that once kept women and men away from the plethora of experiences they could have sexually. So all porn is doing is giving us an education that everyone else was too up their ass to give us. Now in the same way, it's been an inadvertent education, right?

And we've reached a point in that where it's like, no, this is actually damaging now. But I think it's opened a window that allows us to go, no, we're going to bring that back to our way, our peace, our nature. We're not going to let you harvest our children's sexuality.

Again, the internet has just exposed reality in the same way it's exposed pedophiles, misogynists, it's exposed our lack of sexual discipline and how that has been exploited. I kind of agree with both points actually. And I guess, obviously the question is, does it basically create too much expectation? Does it create an image of something that we have to feel like we need to live up to?

Well, I think the problem is, for me, is that because it's very linear in the sense of, this is what happens, this is how it works, this is what you're expected to do, like you have to squirt or you have to whatever, that if you don't do that, you're not doing it right or your failure in the sense of your, I don't know, your sexual experiences, which I don't, it puts almost a negative light on it because it's like, this is the level that you need to be at.

This is the level you need to be meeting. If you're not meeting this level, then it almost becomes degrading to you because you haven't met that standard. In response, that's actually true. We have like porn stars, what attracts us to porn is the man's ability to open up the woman to her sexual capacity, yes? We can't do that. Rather, we haven't learned how to do that and we would desire to do that.

That is a reference to our sexual immaturity. We might be porn because that man is going 30 to 45 minutes doing the most, nevermind if it's fake or not, because some of it's fake and some of it is real, especially in this day and age, you've got webcams and you're seeing people in their house, they're like, right. Yeah, so it just exposes our sexual illiteracy. So we're not living up to our standards.

We are coming too early. Our woman is not satisfied with us. She would like to have a pleasurable time and actually, if you took the time to cultivate your sexual discipline, she would probably be the freakiest of freaks you've ever seen. But the problem in the sexual game, and this is a big revelation, the masculine's only job is to stay erect. That is what masculine's all about.

Masculinity is about constant erection, focus, discipline, consistency, security. That's what erection represents. The greatest example of that is the sun of God. I'm talking about the one in the sky. If that shit stops burning, this whole planet is done. No more sex, no more jackfruit, no more Ibiza, nothing you like exists when that sun stops burning.

In the same way, you can't get your girl to squirt because you don't last long enough to make her relax. You can't get her to do the mad things that you see these poor stars do because you're done in five minutes because your sexual game is happening only in your nutsack and the tip of your penis. That's it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. After any woman, most women, when we're done, they're not done.

They're not even started half of the time. It's a game. It's a game. It's like last man standing. How long can you stay up and how open can you get? Who's going to give up first? That's the game. You're giving up first. That's the game. And guess what? We're losing. We are. 100, 100, 100. We are losing. We're like, it's like minus 18 to one. All right. Cool. Last question. And then we'll wrap it up. Last question.

I feel like, so this is the question. I feel like when you're in a relationship, masturbating, especially to porn, is a violation of a partnership. So is solo sex selfish? That's the question. Solo sex or pornography? Or masturbation with pornography. That's two different questions in my opinion because solo sex can still be done without the porn. So in my opinion, doing it with porn to me is a violation.

I feel like you should use that energy with your partner, for your partner, and for yourself, if anything. But solo sex isn't an issue. Through the voicenote, you've heard that I've kind of experienced restraining it so I can use the energy for other things. But again, Mikael has talked about the fact that masturbation without the porn can be used simply in your own self. And I haven't explored that side of myself.

It's something I've heard and I've read about, but I've never actually been like, okay, well, what if I do that? I've always just been like, either I'm going to masturbate or not. Masturbate or not. And if I'm not going to masturbate, then I'm using that energy instead in my relationship or in sex instead. And it improves it dramatically instead because of the kind of benefit.

So I've never had the case, I haven't done the whole solo sex part just as yet, but I do strip out the porn. The porn, to me, is just a no. It's just a big, unless I can find a good porn with Mikael in the future, he's going to run a studio with the right kind of porn. Let's affirm it. Yeah, let's make it happen. But until then, I remove the porn.

To remove porn, one of the biggest things I do first is remove porn first. The connection you can have in your relationship. Again, I don't think it's... It's important that men are kind to themselves because you've been masturbating way before you met your life partner. You and your date have been acquainted for a very long time. I've got relationships with porn stars longer than my relationship with my wife.

Me, the ad blockers don't work because I feel like someone... I'm one of them people. If I feel like you're trying to control me, I'll violate just for the sake of it. Does that make sense? I've tried the ad blocker thing where you block it and I'm like, do you mean I can't see that website? Do you know how I can get over that? How about fucking this? Tumblr, baby!

When you find yourself clicking X so many times, you're like, this is just too far right now. It's funny because after you've brushed your nut, you've got to do the walk of shame through all the Xs. You've got to go back, you've got to walk past all the women you left out. You know what I'm saying? It's like a whole new meaning to having an X. Literally. You've got to walk past all those windows that you left open.

You've got to explain, I was going to get to you. I was going to get to you. You know what's cranked, right? When you do that, you take the cloak off, you're like, damn, why? Why I do that? And you're back right there the next day. The ones you didn't watch, I should have saved those tabs, but I knew I shouldn't have cleared the history. What was it called?

You're trying to hit them tags, trying to find something that you remember. Let me replay what I did before to get to these things. It's so important that we laugh and talk about this because this is our inner child. The curiosity to explore, children explore, you know what I'm saying? And this is fine. That curiosity to want to see women, it's a natural one.

The curiosity to want to observe the sexual game, it's a natural one. We should never feel ashamed of ourselves. We should never feel ashamed of ourselves. It's a natural one. We should never feel ashamed about this discussion. And we should know that now because us three men who are in completely different realms, all can understand the experience. So how can it not be natural, you see?

But what this conversation tells us to do is take that walk from us as boys and cultivate that energy as men so it can have the different kind of power over our lives. You imagine that's the autonomous response your sexual power gives you when you don't discipline it. Imagine the autonomous response that sexual power gives you when you do discipline it. You know what I'm trying to say? That's the challenge side.

That's what's attractive to me. I'm like, oh shit. If I could use this and that, damn. If I could remember the person's backstory and it's a glyph. But an interesting thing to... I don't know if it's to reverse that kind of stigma or construct of it being a negative thing is to bring your partner into that world.

So not just you doing it secretively to be like, oh, okay, I've got to hide this from the person because I feel like I'm violating them. I'm violating their trust or I'm not attracted to them or whatever it is. I've got my own fantasy that I want to live out. It's like, why bringing them into that world so you can experience it together?

So it almost changes your mindset, your energy and how you experience that in itself. So it's an interesting thing to think about because a lot of the conversation we've had has almost painted it in quite a negative light. But why would you hide that amongst yourself? Why would you hide that with yourself? If you want to explore that with your partner, surely you should bring your partner into that as well.

So that's my kind of question. My answer to that is originally I did think, yeah, it would be a violation if you're doing it on your own. But if you're involving your partner, then surely it can't be a violation because they're now involved in that experience. I agree, bro. 100%. 100%. You're right. Wicked. All right. Amazing. Thank you so much, guys, for sending in those questions. Please do keep sending them in.

And any that we do not address within our podcast, obviously we'll try and address them as well. So be very aware that this platform isn't just about us talking to you. It's about you guys getting involved as well. Ask questions, continue the conversation, and open up to us about your views and your experiences. So obviously if you've enjoyed what you've heard from us, please consider liking, sharing.

Remember to follow us on our socials at TalkingToMyThoughts to stay up to date with all of our content. And we appreciate you, Mikael. Thank you so much for your time, bro. We appreciate you sharing your thoughts, man. Thank you, guys. Love, bro. Take care, everybody. Take care.