Ep15 | Am I A Liability To Women? (Ft Denzil)

It's easier for us to stay the same than it is to change and change requires you to focus the energy on yourself Nothing to do with the other person because the thing is you you couldn't say okay Well, it was just the one person and maybe you can't just say you know what it was down to her But we could probably say that there's a whole rap sheet of people that we've done the same mistake on What was the common denominator across to all the people what the women know the common denominator is you?

this Welcome to talking to my thoughts the podcast where we have open honest and raw Conversations about the things that are playing on our mind. My name is Simon aka SJ. I'm a video creator I'm a father and I'm a business enthusiast My name is Craig also known as mr.

Positive a cheesy motivator with a solution background Big dreams and a passion for helping others find their peace We're also thankful to be joined by our guest today, please introduce yourself My name is Denzel aka dense creates.

I'm a filmmaker connoisseur Then this podcast obviously we bring a unique perspective on our inner thoughts by literally Pre-recording the things that are on our mind before talking about them amongst the group now We do this because we believe before you can be open with others You first have to be open with yourself and make sure you guys stay updated and follow us on all of our socials at talking to my thoughts Now today's topic is Valuing women through sex very interesting and we actually pulled this up from a tweet that we saw Let me get there.

Let me get a tweet up if you believe a woman's value is lowered After she has sex with you and what does that say about how you see yourself? Our sex is clearly not something which comes with prestige. You're basically calling yourself a liability Whoa, I know Denzel you sent this over to us. What was your was your initial thoughts when you when you read this tweet?

wolf my initial thoughts It's um, it's it's a lot deeper than what I've been seeing in recent weeks And that's why I thought no, I need to send this to the man.

I'm actually posted it on my story as well I'm just to say like guys At least be thinking about this when you're having sex at least have it in the back of your mind I mean if you're going away from sleeping with a girl and thinking less of her Then bro, ultimately it must mean So much more by yourself.

So Yeah, and I just thought it'd be a good topic of conversation for us and I get in so yeah There was a couple of I guess key words we can kind of break down in our we can try and break down obviously, the first thing is about prestige for one we can delve into that a little bit deeper and also a Liability, that's the second word I pulled from that tweet as well.

You're basically calling yourself a liability Craig what would you think? The liability is the one I hit me because nobody wants to be classed as or known as or seen as a liability in anybody's life So that's the one that when I heard that I was like, oh When you hear liability like all the recipes are yes, but you blah blah blah Then you get to liability and you know, oh, are you gonna hit me like that?

I Listen, let's reflect and look at what's going on and seeing if I've been putting myself as a liability and I guess other people would touch to other words as well like prestige Maybe they want to be seen as a high class High rank person and then somebody else might be seeing themselves in a lowered lower standard, etc So yeah liability is what attached to me the most My cool. All right.

Well, I understand we've got some voice recordings from Craig and Denzel Denz you want to go first? We'll have a listen to you and then dig a little bit.

Yeah Well, I would say first and foremost is that currently where I'm now I Am I do I do value men and I wouldn't class myself as a liability to to girls because I feel like This whole question is based around growth and it based around where you are in your life And I feel like at some point every young man We're not every but I feel like the majority of young men are gonna go through a period of time where this actually might be the case Including myself been done that got the t-shirt But I feel it comes back down to intention And I feel like it has more to do intention for your own self than it hasn't to do with any external factors of women Or whatever I feel like when you move with intention when you know where you're going where you know You want to be where you know, you're doing you kind of naturally surround yourself or put yourself in positions Where you're doing things rationally and you're doing things with intention to move forward in life And I feel like a lot of young males Go for a period of not really or figuring out this curiosity is figuring it out.

It's not really knowing, you know Who's leading the way? What am I supposed to look up to? Am I supposed to look up to the things I see in social media the media film TV where it's like it's kind of almost promoting promiscuity within men and Glorifying it. Is that what I'm supposed to do? Or am I supposed to do? Do you know what I mean?

And if you come from a culture or a community where you don't really have other much other people To look up to who are doing who are actually in that in that limelight Doing more positive things with their time rather than just sleeping with women Getting big cars getting money Then you kind of fall into just the cycle and I feel like I definitely had been in that cycle before when I was young it's it's It's a form of self-validation.

It's a form of ego Driveness and it's easy to fall into that and I feel like It was never personal.

It would never be like I I Sleep with this person and I don't value them anymore It's more a case of the curiosity wasn't the same afterwards and because of everything around is kind of almost Programmed you to think ah, well Well, the next one then or this person or what about that girl Duh duh duh duh stuff stuff like that, but I thought as I've obviously grown up gone older and Then you start to have times where you've maybe slept with someone and you afterwards you think oh I just want to go home now.

I'm not really comfortable in this space, and I'm not really comfortable even with this person I don't really talk to this person that much Why did I even do that and we start having those questions and ask yourself those things then you're kind of at the tip of a Realization to think well, why am I sleeping with these girls then if this is if this is how I feel after is why am I even Doing that I don't have a good great connection with you I'm probably never gonna talk to you in the next couple of weeks And it's not just me powering that girl that girl may not even talk to me either She may not do I mean she could be using me just as much as I'm using her but the point the fact of the matter is Why are we both doing that just for a moment of just for a moment of happiness or moment of bliss?

Happiness or moment of bliss do you not mean or lustfulness it doesn't really make sense And that's what happens when you don't really have a direction. I would say definitely right now I have more intent.

I have strong intentions for where I want to go what I want to be going forward And the kind of people I want to be around and the kind of energy on I want to be around because it's all about Energies and exchanges in it, so I definitely do but I understand and I have been there and as I said Been there done that got a t-shirt and I'm pretty sure a lot of men, especially from our community Will have or are going through this right now I picked up some pieces as to like words are powerful to me So I picked up pieces as to the stuff that you said and it was stuff that was particularly controversial was We don't have many people to look up to We also have when they were surrounded by a lot of people who are Pushing big cars getting money and getting women And also this level of self-validation.

So I will focus on that first what is it about the big cars met money and getting women that we seem to Steer more towards that energy than we do to the ones that's closest to home That's a good question for you Because actually you the question you said was we don't have many people to look up to but actually We all for all three of us have a very very very strong family unit And we will wear it very much brought up into a very strong relationship based off of our parents So actually we could have stared towards that So why is it that we suddenly chose the big cars getting money and getting women as to why it shifted our our curiosity You can call it our intention And the reason why I say that is because actually Maybe it could be because there's so much of it that we're exposed to is the reason why it overpowered us But yeah, i'll put that to you.

I don't think this is I don't think this is a blanket statement. I don't think it's a case of We all at all times. We don't see the positives that we have around us and we only see Um, what's in the media and what our friends are doing or what people around us are doing? I feel like I feel like you said near the end of it is quite important.

You said that there's just Ultimately so much of it and I feel like it's not just also about The moments that you're home and the moments, you know that you're you're learning from your parents and stuff like that We spend majority of especially growing up from like from the time we get school To probably the time where we finish university. We spend so much more time out the house Than we do in the house.

We spend so much more time in especially now in our generation now where we We have smartphones and we're engaged and pretty much online all the time. We spend so much time consuming information consuming Stuff that we we see as goals or you know, we want to aspire to and stuff like that.

So Regardless of whatever we've done in terms of promiscuity and stuff like that I feel like we we do have very strong values that we do keep to but I feel like sometimes in certain areas You may stray away from that at times As I said because And again, it's the company you keep like I know for me when obviously growing up in a school like you're surrounded by a lot We went to our boy school.

So we all went to the same school basically and Having that being surrounded by males pretty much 24 7 you get the you get the test the testosterone you get the The same kind of Curiosity about women you get the the same stories about oh this guy came back from last night He did this and he's a guy for that.

He's a bad man All of this kind of stuff you get all that kind of and it's exciting as a young person For me as I said for me more mine was more about joining the curiosity And kind of being and that kind of putting me on to be like One of the guys and and as I said, it's a form of self-validation as well You know like when you've done that and now it's it's like we're almost like a in our community, it's almost like a A ritual where you've got a badge of honor in it.

It's a bad Yeah, you you've done it.

You're now you've now crossed as in your peers eyes and your friends eyes as a man Do you know i'm saying and so that's as I said, i'm not saying that's right I'm not saying that's how we should think i'm not saying that's the way we should think but I feel like That was I was there and I still I still remember what that feels like growing up in school and and having the stories about so I went so and so It is a case of ego self-validation and feeling like you belong now to a community of other guys But let's be let's be honest though.

Let's be real I want this conversation because obviously the the topic is quite deep. So let's not try and mull over anything It's a it's a journey that let's be honest most boys go through and it's just it's something that We're all gonna experience because it's it's always something whether you're with your boys and it's a bit of banter Whatever.

It's curiosity as you said, obviously when in your voice note It was very it was a very reflective piece and that's clearly coming from someone that's a lot older and has the experience And now I can look back and be like, okay Maybe I shouldn't have acted like that or maybe this is the reason why I did act like that.

Well We've got to be real that like we wanted to do it because we was curious to do it And we wanted to be like the boys we want to be the man We wanted to be the guy that done the thing with the girls and that's what it was And obviously again, you're talking about self-validation.

You're talking about how when we're talking about the topic we're talking about how we Class women how we value women and obviously when you're at that particular age, you're not thinking like that You're not thinking about how do I value this girl? What is she worth to me? What is her importance? You're just thinking about the beat. Let's be honest. You're thinking about the beat.

That's it And especially when there's the pressure you right and there's pressure in that as well because when you're young There's there's guys that have obviously when you're talking about losing your virginity for the first time Oh, have you lost your virginity?

Well, I have I done this thing with these many girls and red t-shirt and then you might be chatting to a girl and you're back Oh, brother, you know, i've done that. I've done a thing with her last week and it's just You see what i'm saying? It's all especially when you're with your guys. It's just banter and it's just a way of Again a badge of honor.

It's a way of classing yourself and it is self-validation but now what we're trying to think about when we're talking about this particular question in this topic is What we're doing when we're having sex with these women Why does it why is it for some people we obviously we may not be saying this for us in particular But when we're having sex with these women Why do we think that that then decreases their value how we respect them how we see them by us having sex with them?

We don't value them as much anymore. Why is that? Well, actually What as denzel said it was There's two parts he said so one of the pieces is actually it's never personal So I don't it's not that I devalue them anymore.

It's actually that my curiosity is lost So if we go back to the original part If my if my decision for doing this wasn't based on intention But based on the curiosity once my curiosity has been completed technically my mission is complete And it wasn't something I realized that was my mission, but his mission is complete now It's not personal. This is just something I chose.

I made a wrong intention for myself However, everything's going to be taken personal and it looks like actually what has happened You've just lowered their standard and you put them on the back seat and you're like, yeah I don't need that anymore. But actually the original intention was incorrect. So there's a bit of it. There's a two-way part to play What was his intention in the first place?

Um, and then what was what was her intention? And then actually did she even know his intention? Did she ever ask in that sense?

But obviously we do come to the case where people do ask and they just lie Because they they kind of understand they understand that their attention wasn't because they want to make it a long-term thing They just want it to be a quick beat and then that's it interesting part what you said though Simon was You talked about a lot about something I want to leave people with that have listened to it because a lot of people are listening and they probably think oh, yeah But as boys, that's what we did and you talked about school.

However, we're at 30 years old Exposing ages And we're going we're going on to 40 we're going on to 50 and then we go on to 60 I I question if men ever learn how to stop being boys Because actually human beings are very very habitual if you do What you've we we described for the for 10 years You're not going to get out of your system by a click of a finger You're not going to fan us that habit you're actually going to have a massive issue that you cannot get out of and you will forever Um base your decisions off of curiosity and not off of intention If you don't do the inner work that's required We literally we go off of habit and if you do something for long enough You're going to it's going to be so instilled in you that you don't know any different So I I implore people to basically do the inner work and really think all the decisions i've made about women or about myself Has it been based off of long-term intention or am I still basing it off of curiosity?

Does that mindset still occur? When you're in a relationship Because obviously when you're thinking about okay one night stands or whatever You can sleep with them go about your business and you won't think any different about a woman but when you sleep with a person And you're in a relationship with you then I don't know for whatever reason you end up in a relationship with them Do you still think that same way?

Has your value do you still think that the value is lowered or now that they're your wifey? How do you see them now?

Oh that's That's that's why i'm interpreting it Go ahead and go have a bit of a reply to that I think what would happen because it's not to say that every relationship ends up being really beautiful or lasts a very long time So what happens is that some people you know what's the worst things that men can think of when they When they like some a lot of men will bring up and they they make banter about they banter about but it's a serious thing That when they get a relationship, but they get to marriage and they say that you know when you get married You're only going to have sex with one woman Forever that's that's the vow that you're taking So I say that the habit you had about lowering the standard of a woman because of sex has actually traveled into your relationship But taking a different form Because now you're thinking raw just one woman So now you're thinking raw the sex wasn't even that great or actually the sex isn't enough for me to keep it on But the point is if you go back to your original intention People are making the intention for a very long-term relationship is not basing it off of just that one attribute of sex But if you started it off that way based off of curiosity, then you create a relationship out of it It's gonna run out of its fuel very soon when sex isn't the thing everybody's body is not popping anymore Or you know what?

You just you just don't feel it in that way by the way they look This is why people's marriages and relationships break down when things start to change and life just takes a toll on us So if you base your relationship of that one factor actually you can really start to find yourself breaking it down and then you wouldn't even realize again it was because of a Imagine that your relationship or your your marriage breaks down in your 40s because of something you learned since you was a boy If you don't do the inner work You're actually gonna you're gonna see yourself like get corrupted from the inside out And I mean obviously you've been in a relationship you should think that Well, i'm hoping It's the case that you're in a long-term relationship and you've been with them for more than one reason And again, it comes back to what denzel was saying it's about your intent as well your intention And when you're in a relationship, i'm hoping that the intent that you're you're not in a relationship So that you can get more sex from them you're in a relationship You're in a relationship because you actually have something in common.

You like them, you know You you can see yourself spending a lot more time with them. You're building a friendship. You're building a further relationship It's not just about okay. Yeah, they they do their thing. You know i'm saying they do their thing and I like it So i'm gonna stick with them because it's a good thing. So So I have to I have to kind of question that so it depends.

I like your line I like your line The line is the line you said is I hope that but do you know that you were hoping from the outside? So me you and denzel are hoping from the outside, but you know people are hoping for themselves I hope they they'll say this line or they even realize I hope that when I enter this it is for the right reasons Why can't you be sure?

Why can't you do the work that you need to do to be sure beforehand is that oh But that would mean I probably have to stop dating women and stop having sex for me to figure it out So do it But it's hard because now that now that requires you to change something about yourself for you to figure that out Where's everyone else is just like i'm just gonna hope it's gonna work.

I'm just gonna You know just take a little dive in there A little bit, you know, and all of a sudden men's oh i'm drowning. Oh shoot.

Oh, oh There's actually um, yeah, uh that hope didn't go far enough People will go through a relationship of five ten twenty years bring children into it Even some people will get grandchildren then they'll be like, oh, yeah, I didn't actually that hope didn't go It's run out now the fuels faded away So I want people to really think about this, you know, because hope is not the thing Hope can be used for other people on the outside But actually when it takes there's a level of actually do you take a responsibility and there's control in yourself where you can be sure That this is what i'm gonna do and this is how i'm gonna do it Cool.

All right. So uh craig let's uh, let's jump into your your voice note and then we'll see how deep we can get With this convo, man Am I valuing women through sex or am I a liability to women?

That is actually such a mad question and the funny thing is that i'm actually the one of the culprits I could say Where I would almost I guess you can call it judge women down to Like how things panned out with each other um in a sexual relation, uh to give you more context I would say or I used to Basically have the rule where if i've had sex with you Before we get in a relationship, then I probably wouldn't get a relationship with you but then it makes me think that If you're I guess your value or your standard is lowered because you had sex with me.

What does that make me? It's actually a bit of a mad one Sometimes men can really be acting trash sometimes that's just something i'm thinking right now that we can actually just be acting up and when I reflect on this I can honestly say to myself that um All those times when I didn't get with a woman or even when I did get with a woman My intentions were weak anyway Not because I just wanted to have sex.

That's definitely not the case. It was actually because All those years that went on I actually Wasn't ready for a relationship Not a not a real one like a really long-term one.

It used to just be something that was quite core To get into because you know what we get on We like eating food together we like talking to each other we might as well make something out of it But could I say that I actually thought about Like proper marriage and kids before I got with them though Which means it's very little to do with what the woman did or how she reacted to me or Did she have sex or not?

There's everything to do with my lack of intention Which makes me the liability not only to myself but to everybody else And the thing is is it something I should blame myself Not necessarily I guess I did what I did because I knew what I knew back then And if I didn't do what I did back then I wouldn't have learned what I know today Because as you already know You make it you Everything is necessary everything that we do everything that we have to learn is very necessary You have to go through these kind of things, you know, you've got to go for it before you can grow from it so I wouldn't necessarily put myself down But did I play a part in maybe hurting some people?

Making people have a negative view about men. Yeah, probably did which is the reason why I can't even go around complaining that saying oh, yeah Women damage men or men damage women because I guess we all play our part You definitely have so yeah, there are times I've played a real big liability to women By by valuing them through sexual actions or other things that's happened.

But who am I to make that kind of choice?

I'm either the stupid one or Getting over the person or attracting the person who doesn't value themselves highly If that's if that's how you can say it or I'm the one who doesn't value myself highly And i'm the poison you can call it one interesting thought I'm really glad that i'm able to see and reflect on it today And be intentional about my decisions because intentional decisions Will land me in places that I want to be And it will ensure sorry It will ensure That the places I go and that the energy I share with people Is in the right place What a crazy one Wait Mad Okay How do I digest that how do I how do I break that down?

Okay. So, okay, so There's okay. There's there's definitely a bit that stood out for me and i've got i've actually got a leading question to follow on from It but i'll do that in a sec so when you said when you basically obviously was in your reflection and then you was thinking about what how you've Carried yourself in the past.

Obviously we've all been young we've all Had our own curiosity in our own intentions And you you almost Admitted That you feel like you have been a liability you have been a liability to women But one thing that kind of stood out for me is when you said well Do what should I blame myself for that? Is it is it is it my fault? Can I can I really blame myself for that or is it?

I only did what I did because I knew what I knew then Which is not what I know now and that's what that's what kind of clicked with me to be like Okay, so The and the question that I want to lead from is that Obviously now we're a lot older and we can reflect upon how we was in the past unless I'm gonna say we because I think that we've all kind of had those intentions at some point Anyway, i'm making the assumption but I can definitely say for me I have I know denzel's mentioned that as well And as guys we generally do I just think that obviously is it just something that We have to go through or is there is there something that can be done?

to Get us out of that that kind of cycle of being a man growing up and feeling that that's the way we need to In that's the way we need to basically approach our intentions with women How do we address that or does it need to be addressed and is it just something that we need to go through? That's the question. I'll leave from Okay, so let me Denzel's about to get denzel if you see them on the video right now boy.

He's on a mad one We're getting to you. We're getting to you. So basically it's fine. It's fine So basically what's good what i'm going to explain to you about that is that firstly I don't believe every single boy or man has ever gone through this for them to be a good good man in In a relationship in the future.

So on that part no The second part is let's lead it back to denzel's original line We don't have people to look up to But maybe the fact that we didn't have it's not that we don't have people to look up to we don't have enough enough People to look up to and it's not celebrated enough in the in the in our media and social media and all those other movies everything And that's where the issue is so like conversations like this Could you say that you see many conversations that is happening honestly among other men?

However, if you was able to have more conversation like this, then we will allow ourselves to reflect It may need to be quicker Or to a point where we reflect before we've even made some of the decisions that we've had to make as boys But I think we can change the narrative by making being brave enough to just be ourselves and understand Actually, this is something to celebrate I was this kind of person but I can change this and what we pass on to our children will also make a major difference as well Denz you was you was doing some mad moves, man.

I know you've got something No, no, I I was Because it's funny because I was really listening intently to what you was going to pick up and as soon as you said blame myself I said damn you Simon. That's what I was And then um, the biggest thing you said was it's not being celebrated It's not being applauded. It's and it in it not being celebrated in it not being applauded. It's not as In our face.

It's not it's not you have to dig and find it And it's just the same way when we send each other stuff in a group chat It might be a case of like we see something on instagram Which is a young black man teaching his young kid about finances about about um, the stock market about all this kind of stuff.

Yeah we get gas because How many times in the last five or ten years can you honestly say you've come across something like that if you're not looking for it If you're not searching for these things, it's just that it just comes across just the same way like um, um Sports comes across on our feed just the same way as um Banner comes across on our feed.

All that stuff is just there available ready to be, you know seeps into our our subconsciousness, but the positive stuff the role models The the guys out there who have major respectful women who have built empires with their women uh faithful families everything A lot of that has to be searched for and it's not as Widely available as the rest of the stuff and I feel like that's what you already answered my question.

So You know the reason why it's important because right now we've only talked about um, the light-hearted parts of it sex and oh Some people get broken broken-hearted, etc But you know what let's let's get into the biological parts of it.

You didn't know the birds and the bees basically Sex has the potential to bring a human being into the world So if you keep making a mistake as a boy and you lead it on to being into a man You will bring a human being by mistake on the basis of your curiosity And you're thinking well, yeah, some people just abort But you are actually you are are killing a human being so The reason why it's important to us for us to even delve into this kind of conversation take accountability Be responsible for your intentions is because actually sex isn't just sex.

It's not just for the fun It's not just for the banner and the get get actually real people and real human beings Real human beings can be brought into the world because that was the original intention for sex So when you do that You need to think why why you what world are you bringing them into?

Not just the world around you but actually the world that you have with your the partner that you whoever you had sex with And that's why it's really important because you we can end up Creating or having broken families or damaging humans and mentally Emotionally by bringing them into the wrong type of world because you just wanted to Feel that you want to be a bit curious and you never did the inner work to to do it So that's probably why it's really important to me to for me to have done this because actually if my as I told you Your intentions not only has an effect on you Not only has the effect on the person that you're with but actually has an effect on everybody around you from who you bring into the world who the partner that the sexual partner, um talks to and interacts with How she sees men how there's so many pieces to it.

I think we think so little of ourselves We don't realize that what every one of our our decisions that involve other people can have a massive ripple effect So yeah, that's that's just the other part.

I want to leave on to what you said denzel Because that's what I was thinking about at the same time Also, you have to understand that as men sometimes the intention is well Just to see where it goes or again your depends on where your mindset is But sometimes it just happens that people have kids by mistake. It happens all the time. I'm not gonna lie I didn't plan both for my children.

I've got two kids I didn't plan either of them But it doesn't say that I have any less value for the mothers of my child or I have like my My intentions may have changed But it doesn't mean that in terms of what we're talking about value and how we value our women Well, I didn't intend to have a child but because I had a child therefore my value is now decreased. Does that change?

like I don't I don't know if I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't the case for me And I mean it does make you change your mindset and I think that's happened to a lot of people I know plenty of parents that have not planned their children than their kids But they have kids and their intentions change they then decide okay Well, you know what this wasn't what I intended to happen, but it's happened How are we going to move forward from this now?

Our intentions are to build a family together. All right now our intentions are to do whatever else so It it does In the initial point of call come down to intentions But I don't think that yours are intentions that you have to stick with they can change and again when you're looking at The value and how you value each other because again when we're thinking about having kids as well It's not just a man.

The woman is clearly involved. So The intention needs to be both ways You can't one person can't make a decision. They both have to make the decision Or unless it's the woman that obviously that's another thing, but you see what i'm saying So I think that's where I come with that point that you made So i'm gonna so sorry denzel. I know you want to kick off.

There's two things There's two things I want to pick up from that part. So one part is Completely for those who have already made those decisions We've been we've done that made those mistakes which everyone as I said in the in there I don't it wasn't a regret.

I don't have a regret It's something I knew it's happened and it has to it just has to be something that you go through To grow through so anything that's happened in the past you learn from it reflect on it And you try to see if you want to continue that way So what you said was correct, you know what some things did happen You don't have the original attention But you made it work for you and you changed or you you made it work for the person that you did bring into the world Um, so that's which is applauded which is again still taking responsibility need it be be Uh like pre or post in a sense the second part to it was actually um, the reason why I I wanted to because the second part is No, because it's it's literally like the second part is something that men always say is that ah When it when it gets like to the the the crux of it, let's say it's like the tip in the tipping point Um, the tipping point is okay.

Maybe there was a part that I need to play then they'll say Yeah, but tutus. Yeah, she was involved in that as well. You know, she should have been making decisions, too You put the penis in You you you did that you did the act she didn't force you wasn't raped Otherwise, this would be a different podcast in the whole in in its entirety.

You need to not Divert the responsibility and I think and the reason why I say is because i've done this a lot I've been like, well, you know why she don't feel too bad, you know, because she she wanted it too.

Sorry, but then But then you don't learn you don't you don't learn you don't learn and we do that so often It's it's as the line goes it's easier It's easier for us to stay the same than it is to change and change requires you to focus the energy on yourself Nothing to do with the other person because the thing is you you couldn't say okay Well, it was just the one person and maybe you can just say you know what it was down to her But we could probably say that there's a whole rap sheet of people that we've done the same mistake on What was the common denominator across all the people what the women?

No, the common denominator is you So actually you need to realize don't divert it So if you do ever so whoever's listening does think oh, well, maybe I should make a change and then be like But yeah, but she played her part.

Yeah, don't it's all you i'm gonna just i'm gonna just put it all on you to say Actually, it was all you Yes, there's two parts to play and takes two to tango, but you were still one of the people that were that wanted to tango So remember that that is your and that decision can be stopped from before the tango even starts You understand that that can that can happen before if you say you know what?

I don't want to have sex because sex can potentially bring a child in and it can also mean that I probably have to um, Um create a family off of it if that does happen. I don't want that if that's the case step away Don't even go into the bedroom. Don't even take the panties off.

Don't do nothing Literally just step away and say i'm not down for it if you can find a responsibility to do that But obviously I still applaud you I always we always applaud you me and den's always applauded simon for the fact that he's actually he's adapted himself completely to be a Everything about him is to do with his children and yes Maybe his intent wasn't originally there for that reason But he's made that happen that is something to be applauded and full responsibility taken Because it's not an easy decision to put people before you before yourself And that's and that's that's amazing.

That's what the stuff that we want to see, you know Simon don't cry man. Why the tears man? Why the tears man? All right, so we're now at the part of the podcast where we pull in some questions from our listeners What i'm going to do because obviously this is in reference to the tweet So i'm going to just make sure that we're clear on what the tweet says.

Yeah If you believe a woman's value is lowered after she has sex with you. What does that say about how you see yourself? Sex is clearly not something which comes with prestige You're basically calling yourself a liability Now the question is If prestige is only obtained when both parties hold themselves to the same high standard But if everyone can get it, then what makes it prestige in the first place?

You know what you know what you know what i'm seeing is You know the balance what they say here like if a girl sleeps with bare men Then she's looked like a whore like yeah when man when man sees sleep with bare women he's seen as um Like he's applauded for clapped for yeah, but then as this as the part says Yeah, how are you looking prestige when you can when anybody can get it?

And yeah, you may think you chose the women, but actually maybe the women all chose you because you was the easy target 100 so that's you know what so I was I was just thinking you know, wow You're in the command in general. You're just a little pawn but real talk You know what actually as you said that because I thought the same thing.

I was just thinking to myself Well, yeah, you can go around and say yeah, I got this girl She was easy, but what if the girls turn around to her girls and said I've got that man You all have to do is shake my ass and I got him bruv So she could be saying the same thing about you.

You can't turn around and say i'm the guy I hold the prestige and i'll manage to get it in five minutes What did denzel say then denzel said off that's off But you see you that thing yeah Even if that was the case because how social structures and conventions are seen around men Men would still take it in black, but all the girls want me bro Do you get that do you get it so they will flip it and be like, but I am prestigious because I am the commander Yeah, yeah, i'm the commander Bro, it's mad.

There's so many there's so many sides to the story that it you can look at it that way and What craig said is well, how about you're not perceived because you're the easy target and then you think oh You're easy, bro And then the guys were like, but if all the girls want me Me Then doesn't that make me Over my over my fellow peers doesn't that make me the commander now, but do you know why do you know why our shift?

There's a do you know why because again, let's let's let's relate back to everything we said It's mad bro. What is what is celebrated and shown the most?

So what so so when it's celebrated what is shown and celebrated the most will create a perceived feeling of prestige Because it relates to that but actually who told you that there's things that you see the most on social media is the right way to live And when you can see that that maybe isn't the right way. Are you still prestige prestige? Are you still perceived that way?

And that changes everything because then you got to really think okay. Well sleeping with bed women Okay, if you still think you're the man at the end of this got this podcast cool But what does it get you? Tell me what it gets you your money. Does it get you a family that you want? Do you see yourself with an empire?

There's a lot of things that's not going to be achieved on your own You're going to need somebody behind you and you're going to need somebody to pass it on to for your legacy So what happens then bro? It just gets you a pound back from the random.

That's what it gets It does that's it there's no there's no stripes there's no real badge of honor I know we're talking about in school when we think about it and we say we wear a boner in it. We're like, yeah but in reality and especially Especially when you grow up and you're a man now sleeping with bed women, what does that mean anymore? What about get by anyone?

Like it doesn't and then the thing is also The thing is there's also a paradigm shift because when we were younger We all used to discuss this We used to discuss stuff like in in in detail talking about oh like, you know Went to her house So your man kind of knew and so you were in that kind of limelight when you're older when you were like, I mean I hope in your 20s and upwards You're not still hitting cheeks and then calling the man them on a group chat talking about.

Hey fam But i'm not judging. I'm just saying I hope that's not what you're doing. But The people i'm around no one knows what anyone's doing anymore. So there is no there is no more badge of honor to it There is no more I am the captain.

There's nothing because whatever you're doing You're going about your business in secret and silence as you should as you should as a man because you know I mean, it's not for you to sleep with a girl to then spread it and that's that's Again, i'm not judging I'm not judging I'm the captain But I don't really see I don't really see I I don't really see The points and the stripes in it anymore what you become. Yeah.

Yeah That's a that's a key part. All right, let's get on to the next one Mad one. That was a mad one still. All right, cool The next question is does a girl who has sex on the first night make her less worthy or does she Just enjoy sex with that that with that person Okay, let me answer that real quick You're saying Again, I think it covers what we pretty much just spoke about.

It's that okay does Does it change your opinion on the girl if you slept with them on the first date? But she slept with you on the first date too, bro You could turn it around the same way. What does that say about you? Yeah, she slept with you on the first date too. So what does that say about you? That's I don't know.

That's the short answer And I feel what I was saying was basically saying that actually she may have just actually she really Would just have chosen you because she really really actually just likes you and she really wanted that with you Not because she does it with everybody else. She just actually wanted that with you You know what I'll say today What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that?

Like i'm not gonna lie when I was younger I used to as you say craig you said Oh like, you know, sometimes if I slept with a woman or maybe it was like you you you kind of achieved that And you're thinking why you're not really wifey anymore and stuff and I do feel like I don't put me don't put me in that No I'll only talk about what you actually said But Yeah I I just I just don't think there's anything I don't think there's anything wrong with that I don't think there's anything wrong with you sleeping with a girl on the first date her sleeping with you on the first date And as you said if you're going to judge some a woman because of that then you have to hold yourself To the same standard you have to so I personally just would ask people What's really especially as we're adults bro, what is really wrong with that That ask yourself that you can answer that maybe let us know drop it in the comments and say well, what is wrong with?

Even that on and it's not achievement What is wrong with that taking place on the first night if you're both open to it if you both like each other as long as oh as long as There's an intention there behind it Because then if there's no intention then ask yourself why am I doing it?

Because that oh Hey next question next question This one's kind of similar to everything really it says ah Men have sex with anything when they're ready So which probably means that we are the liabilities and it makes us easy Yeah, when you say when you say when you when they are ready So like if we if we just chose it we could just flip flip the switch and say, you know What i'm about to i'm about to just go and be anything i'm about to get i'm about to be out here Yeah, like you could just say you know what i'm going out tonight and i'm gonna beat something I don't know if I don't if you but basically means if you if you make if you can make that choice so easily Then that probably does make you easy in the liability Bearing in mind that they major bearing in mind If the first part of the line it says men have sex with anything when ready That means that is their intention have to just to have sex That's the intention which actually didn't could lead on to you being alive being being easy because that was your intention So because you're probably wondering.

Oh, well the intention maybe not that's the intention right there I was just thinking I was just thinking it's uh, I get it. I get the question. I was just thinking because Technically mandem don't have the power for this. The power is always lies with the woman She got the cheat.

She's got the cooch to give up you get it Bro, no matter your intention about going out tonight with the lads and thinking yeah, man man's gonna pull bad gas. That's true. That's true You can't do nothing. Yeah, if the woman shut you down That's it.

And so I always feel like the power The woman is the beholder of the power because she holds the key, but that's what you're seeking I see what denzel saying that's what he's seeking That's what he's going for. He can only attain it if she decides I would I I I basically completely disagree because if anybody wants sex at all I bet you anybody can find sex anywhere if they wanted it.

You could even pay for it to this point So I say that the man is again He's he's basically diverting his responsibility your responsibility to make an intention that you know Is supposed to be what you're supposed to be doing but what's happening now is the man was just basically deciding You know, why wouldn't matter a bit of sex, you know, and you know what if they choose me so be it What am I gonna do?

I'm not gay Just not take it That's what we used to say. That's the line we used to say is that ah, you know what fam? She just put it on me and what you know, man, man's not gay in it. Obviously I took it That's what they do You're diverting your responsibility What was your original attention? Why are you even there in the first place just because she gave it to you Doesn't mean that she's the one decided.

No you decided beforehand So that's why I want to read that question one more time No, I think I can see what denzel's getting at though because I think he's saying obviously as if you're considering yourself a liability But say for example, as you said I've made a conscious decision Decision with my intention I'm gonna go out and find someone to have sex with so you can put it on offer But denzel's saying they're the ones that have the power to say yes or no And that's why I think denzel's getting that you can your mission could be okay I want to go out here and sleep with bad gal But if bad gal don't want to sleep with you ain't getting none.

So they hold the power I think that's what he was getting at but at the same time I think craig what you were saying when you're talking about okay a liability as well is that at the same time What is the common denominator when you're sleeping with all these gal? Who is the person that who is the person that that? Binds them together.

It's you so you are the liability and I think that's what you're getting and that's how you can Okay to simplify the line If there's any men Or women on this conversation who do not want to be seen Or perceived as a liability Watch what your original intentions are before you go out simple as that If you do not want to be seen as a liability Both men and women do not make the original decision that you're open to sex with no intention If I could drop the mic I would but you'd make a big bang Say no more, okay, cool So obviously now we're gonna try and wrap up with our food for thought So just bear in mind obviously all of the points that we've tried to make in today's episode Who wants to go first?

I'm just gonna go and continue what I just said. So If in your lifetime you do not want to be seen as a liability Make sure the decisions you make are backed by a strong intention Don't divert your responsibilities take full responsibility for what you do And who you do it with?

I would say respect yourself enough To always maintain a level of accountability no matter what you engage in and no matter who you engage with Because it's easier to obviously point fingers at someone else and point the finger at yourself Listen I need to stop getting lost because these are killing me I can only reiterate what you guys have said, man I mean again, I guess what we've established when we're looking at this is about again taking responsibility being accountable Realizing what your intentions are and understanding again something that I picked up quite clearly from craigs one as well is that When you're in that that process of going through that journey Understand that a lot of us go through that same journey and it's not about blaming yourself for it Or at least learn from that experience This platform isn't just about us talking to you Make sure you guys get involved ask questions continue the conversation and open up to us about your views and your experiences If you enjoyed the podcast, please like Share and remember to follow us as well to stay up to date with all of our content and our events Craig denzel.

Thank you so much and guys. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you guys