Ep13 | Has Social Media Ruined Dating? (Ft Trebla & Josh)

It was important for me not to use social media just so that, you know, I can actually work out how we think about each other before we look at an example of what a perfect relationship is in society, you know because that's what social media does it It feeds you so much information and sometimes that can skew how you should actually be seeing your own relationship relationship, relationship, relationship This is Talking To My Thoughts Welcome to Talking To My Thoughts, the podcast where we have open, honest and raw conversations about the things that are playing on our mind My name is Simon aka SJ.

I'm a father, I'm a video creator, I'm a business enthusiast My name is Craig aka Mr Positive. I'm a cheesy motivator with a St Lucian background, big dreams and a passion for helping others Yep, and obviously you can see we have two guests with us today We're very thankful to be joined by these gentlemen Albert, if you want to go first introduce yourself and then Josh you go next Thank you, sir.

Yeah, my name is Albert aka Treblar. I'm an artist and entrepreneur business owner and I've always got something to say That's perfect, you're in the perfect place Yeah, man My name is Josh aka J Smooth. I'm an actor and also run a content creation platform as well. So yeah, I'm heavily involved in the visual and creative side of the arts Nice welcome, man.

Welcome, welcome In this podcast, we obviously bring a unique perspective into our inner thoughts by literally pre-recording the things that are on our mind Before talking about them amongst the group and obviously we do this because we believe that before you can be open with others You first have to be open with yourself So when we're talking about topics these are ranging from love money family work Relationships or emotions absolutely anything that drives us to become the people that we are today So you already know that the possibilities are endless Make sure you guys stay up to date in and follow us on all of our social Media networks and connect with us on all of our podcasting platforms at talking to my thoughts Now today's topic is talking about dating in a social media world, this is a bit mad still So obviously date let's let's try and define this year because obviously when you google it Dating is defined as you are actively getting out there and meeting people and spending time with them now Before we actually kick off and look into our voice notes.

We like to do a little bit of a word association So we'll start off with Craig when we're thinking about Dating, how would you define that in as few words as possible? What do you think? connection, I Guess physical food and entertainment Josh Josh, what's your force when you think about dating? What's the first couple of words that come to your mind?

For me is probably banner culture Communication and fun man, nice nice Albert. Yeah. Um, I'll say Compatibility And I use the word screening or like and again to know a bit of Conversation and Blurting Nice, I see it It's a bit of a sehazi once everyone's thrown in a good couple of words. It's not even just one word.

It's a good couple Me I would probably say something like Trying to build a bond I guess as kind of similar to what Albert was saying about screening there's a bit of a screening process so you're Testing always should I say I think that's I'll stick with that testing was a stick without cool One good thing yeah one good thing before we move forward I don't know if anybody wants to expose their ages, but I'm a 90s, baby So this is it.

This will be this is really gonna show us like Yeah, I'm a 90s, baby Yeah Yeah, man, but I Know you might have different angles and different experiences based on what we're going to talk about Yeah, man So obviously we had that little bit of a word association But before we kind of dig a little bit deeper into those specific words and why we kind of associate ourselves with that Let's go to our first voice recording, which will be from Josh I'll play that for you guys.

Have a listen and then we'll have a conversation about yeah dating in a social media world What a new age a new way of Interacting that we live in lies crazy now how There's so many apps and ways to connect with people that I'm sure You know weren't around even Five years ago let alone ten and then going on to our parents generations and so on like is You know the last few years alone.

There's so many ways now to connect with people above and beyond just you know the normal kind of see someone out at a bar or At an event and get a number and go for a drink or whatever for food it's kind of it's fully changed now and I definitely have experience I guess of Being in being in that world and being part of that interaction, I guess most people probably now have had some form of interaction through like Insta or hinge or tinder or bumble like all of the different options that Allow you to meet people in this day and age.

I think for me like I've just I've just kind of adapted to the ability to meet people as easily I guess as Can be where I'm not always out partying like I used to be so it's a kind of it's a good way to just you know have People that you can reach out to connect to see if you get on women and you know eventually Essentially meet up and then go from there.

I've been on a few a few dates through Social media I'd say I've done The Instagram DM the likes that the DMs and then the the link up in persons. I've done that before And also You know, I've used hinge and I've used dating apps.

So I understand like what the appeal is of that especially as we don't have much time these days or Given the situation where now we actually have all the time, but funny enough no interaction with anyone.

So in some ways You know, it's just highlighting how important and pivotal the role screens are becoming in our lives and obviously our dating lives as well There's almost no risk to it as well I guess like you can just have a conversation, you know suss each other out from from Afar from a distance and then if you want to take it further you can Whereas you know, I guess Yeah going out and doing all that cost money cost time Especially when you're doing other things like you don't always have the time for that.

So Yeah, man, I think I think This is the way it's going now and I think it will It will continue it may you know, we see more IRL in real life Interactions and I know a lot of these apps are trying to Focus more on that bringing it back to the in real life communications. I know like for example hinge now is doing a Face-to-face date and video thing.

So obviously none of us can leave our houses at the moment But you can date through the app, which is quite smart. I think I know a lot of people that Don't interact with them at all and rather meet people organically in person. That's perfectly fine as well so I think the options are there for both and Yeah, man, just gotta be open and see where the future goes really.

All right, let me establish that in here Yeah, anyone that's dated off of social media say aye Hi Surprised that like I'm not gonna like cuz I'm an old guy in it I don't know about all of them apps, but there was so many you listed as like a fire But I think yeah, it's interesting that obviously because you're a bit younger than us as well that It's only by a couple of years to be fair It's just literally you can see the difference in like experience and and how you've Relationships by adapting.

Why is Craig? Why is Craig? Because I have two colleagues To prove his colleagues one was 35 the other one was almost reaching 40 who had both been on dating apps before More dating apps than I had so for me I've been on the data I've only used IG but them they've actually found people Through hinge and bumble or tinder etc as well.

We need to get Oh Yeah trust about Social media day and I I guess instant Twitter was was the initial spot then in my head. I was like, well You've got the apps are more prevalent now. Really?

That's that's where a lot of tasks and down like yeah There's definitely the DM which is is you know, the most potent spot where people be There's obviously yeah, it's hinges probably the biggest one right now, I'd say it's most popular Mandem I've got a question, you know Don't get me saying counter social media Was if it does then I've definitely been making Yeah I was like the prelude I forgot about the innocent.

I forgot about him. Oh, wait, all right high five as well in it.

Yeah, that's what high five my space Bebo face face hoods I So let's let's get into it let's get into it so let's get into the the actual what you said so some of the key pieces overall you have a Positive outlook about the apps available and the way that we could communicate which is good and and actually your main priorities around connection and culture and Kind of it's almost like vetting them out first, but you see it's almost like a It's easier for you.

It's like you get to it's a no-risk situation some of the key things I picked up from it actually was the balance of Time With using the app so it's almost like I don't know how has it has it been as generations have gone on or has as time Has gone on our time seems to be really spread out a bit more So that means day in the apps actually make it a little bit easier To vet people instead of having to go meet them and travel there and make food or whatever it is You actually just get to vet them on on the app.

So do you find that? You use the apps more as a convenience. Let's say for example, you didn't have if you had loads of time Would you spend more time on that? You would you still spend a lot of time on the app? So would you actually start to meet people more in person instead? That's a good question.

I think I'm I'm a bit of a interesting case because like I'm someone who But I told you a few of the matches that I've had on these apps like I've had I've had a few matches and It gets to a point that where I just can't almost can't be asked to go to that next step of actually But so not everyone there's been a few that I thought you know what?

No, I like you You've got something about you where I'll go and put the effort the time in because it's time and I'll get on to why time's Important for me in a minute, but to go out and meet them But for a lot of them by it it's kind of it is this disposable culture now of like oh you match with someone you might have a little bit chit chat and and then you keep it pushing like you keep it moving and Like I think just because this becomes it It's become so normal not saying that it's necessarily good, but it's become so normal to just kind of whip through people That I don't know.

Yeah, like I I've just got used to that but then there'll be some people where I'll be like now, let me actually put the time in to go and Meet you. I think for me just where my head is that and what I'm doing Acting and so on like like everyone that we've got focuses.

We've got Hustlers and aspirations, but I just feel I don't know I'm on a journey myself where I don't want to spend too much time away Doing other things distractions or whatever where I could be putting time into my craft If I'm gonna go and meet someone it's gonna be a waste of time or whatever So hence why an app or something like that can be good to just go through that process of it's almost like dancing You're dancing with them.

You're flirting you're flirting It's that vibe like you're just getting to know where they're at before you just launch yourself in blind now There's still a lot to be said for just launching yourself in blind and just going and meeting people out in real life It's an experience and as an actor just that's what I represent It's all about embodying emotions and experiences At the same time just for me like I don't know sometimes it's just easier just to quickly You know jump on the thing and you're always good and then and then decide whether I want to go from there But I don't have to answer that your question Yeah, so it's yeah They really did that does give me a lot more context as to what your how your mind is and I think Again, why the reason why these dating apps and things have changed where we we literally keep people pushing We're actually talking about people that we're actually just pushing people like they can show an interest and we're just like yeah You can just shift along but I think we because we've been were in the world of Choice we were in the back in the day when the internet wasn't around or didn't have these apps We didn't have so many potential connections that we could make with people We actually just met the only way you met people was the people you met in in your in person like you actually saw at Work or on the streets or in a club or something like that But now the potentials of connective people is ridiculous You probably can have thousands a day as to who you could connect with And then that means that gives you more choice and now with more choice.

You're like, I really want to Focus on this one person just because they're in my inbox or should I actually keep keep checking like now? I've got a little bit of a taking it for granted.

Yeah Yeah, I've got a question that because then I think that because it's Because it's so and again, I'm making an assumption because I haven't really been on these tinder wherever these bubblegum But the thing is how real does it does it feel Less real like I don't understand the engagement your connection that you have with people is it as Authentic as it would be if you saw them in person. How does that work?

Yeah, that's why I would question.

I think um Yeah, no, I think for me like it's definitely not at least initially not the same as meeting someone in person I look again a lot of Communication is non-verbal, you know communication 80 70 percent of it is all about body language and tone and all of that And if you're not if you're just speaking by message, you're not really getting any of that but I guess it does give you the the Accessibility to maybe meet someone based off interests and similar preferences that then you go out and meet them in person And then you have that real interaction.

It's it's a it's a it's a balance isn't there's positives and negatives to it like anything but That's the way I see it. I guess one thing I picked up Josh was that When you're using social media to like contact people to date I guess I'll go through that process It's kind of it's an easy thing.

It's not so hard It's not taking you away from your brand and it's not taking you away from your focus So that kind of word that comes out to me is that convenience, you know I mean and when it's just convenient to Contact somebody who you may not know and it's there's no pressure there in terms of Whether you get a response back or not, you just sort of just test in the waters, you know there's it kind of also says to me that You can't really find something to You can't take it too serious almost you know I mean because if you if you do get a response then great if you don't get a response then it was literally just a click Of a button, you know, whereas When you do meet someone let's say at work or on the street or you Can you go and speak to them?

There's that effort that that sense of you know in Initial what's that not love at first sight, but it's more like, you know, there's that chemistry the chemistry Yeah, the chemistry that first click, you know, I mean and then it's like you've got something to build on What I would say though is as I kind of mentioned in the voice note is that as well as as well as it You know potentially being that it also opens up to so many people that yes There may be some people that you don't necessarily I guess pursue but there's people now that I know and I can go and link in other cities and other countries off the back of it where I wouldn't have otherwise and I would argue that there's one, you know a few people maybe if I go and spend time in those places that that could develop because I've Built and nurture the relationship with these people.

Yes, mainly via WhatsApp or Instagram, but it's almost now as if we are like in the room. We're talking voice notes, whatever So then it can move potentially on from that. So I totally agree with you on that for sure I think it's just what you want to get out of it.

And as long as you you know health in your mind and and you feel You know, you don't fall into a place where it becomes Yeah, an addiction, you know for me personally Way me going up to a goal cold like is is one of the scariest things in the world Times in my life and I can tell you every single time that stuff is scary Even the most confident person you're still gonna feel Ra well, if she doesn't but that's interesting though, because do you think that then that makes people?

harder to Date because their confidence is is based on a mobile phone. It's based on a smartphone. Yeah Based on Yeah, the images that they put up and and kind of the way they present themselves and then when they see someone face to face It's like you know a lot more vulnerable.

So you think that people's confidence is generally not by that Let me let yeah, I guess It's one of them like for me once I've got over the initial thing of right in my mind I'm gonna go and speak to her You know, I'm gonna say whatever whatever comes to me or just use a some sort of cheesy bar once I've made that Choice Vanessa once I've made that choice Then and we get into conversation. I'm fine.

Like my confidence that it's just that initial Thing of you know, if you see her over there, you're like, oh There's so many things weren't for your mind. Whereas with social media. It's just a quick insta DM and she ignores it Music or whatever.

So it is one of those where I would say yeah, they could be false confidence in it, but it just You know real life it's Yeah in real life like Let's hear your pain so we're gonna play Your we'll hear your pain and then we'll jump back into the convoy, yeah, let's play Dating in a social media world This one is Really controversial I think because on one hand I For one haven't ever been in a relationship whereby I met the person online I've never You know signed up to e-harmony or match.com thankfully, I've never had an issue finding love, but You know, I'm very much aware that times have changed since you know, ah Let's say are the generation before where you know, it was more about you know Meeting let's say at the bar with a conventional ways meeting at work and stuff like that now people are more online based and Everyone has a different persona online everyone has a different as they call profile online and Sometimes people can see something online and think okay that looks beautiful and they can be captured by What they see on the screen, but it might not be Reflective of how that person is or that what who that profile is in person and I've always been really a people's person I really champion that I'm a people's person in general like for the people that know me my friends my family, you know I'm a people's person.

So I love you know face-to-face interaction and that's the way that I've Conventionally found love but I do and I am aware that you know this new generation the Millennials you know, we are more online and It doesn't mean that you can't find love online.

It just means that for me anyway Being online you have to be careful because the message that you're receiving from that screen May be a misguided one Being someone that is actually in a relationship and living in a world where social media Does play a big part in our lives?

You know, I think that's really the side that I touch on For myself in the sense of being A man that's in a relationship that I must honor must protect you know whilst being an entrepreneur who utilizes social media as a way to Campaign and advertise and market who I am and what I do it's Kind of difficult to not show your full self I eat, you know show who you are who who you are in a relationship with showing your relationship And and letting people know that this is also a part of you, you know, because you are trying to be as Transparent, you know quote-unquote transparent as possible and trying to be real and authentic as possible But I think for myself If I'm totally honest with myself I Prefer privacy.

I prefer not having, you know all the energy and opinions and You know Judgments that we see online, you know being thrown at my relationship or my partner Obviously you do get the other side where the social media aspects will Help you to also see whether you know People do have love for you as well and are willing to support you and your relationship but you know, just be aware that you know, you have exes and you have family members that you know may not agree with your relationship and friends who you know may have Hidden feelings about you or your partner or your relationship and I think all of those factors for me Making an unattractive thing for me to have so much of my relationship or my you know My private life put out there I'm still very old-fashioned and you know I do prefer having my relationship private as in between me and my woman and And any good things that we share and any issues that we share we deal with you know in-house and Not aired out on social media And that's that's my thoughts on it I was gonna say yeah, the angle that you took was something I didn't Really consider because obviously the conversation when we first came about the topic is we was talking about dating and in my mind I was envisioning obviously Meeting people basically connecting with people meeting new people But what you came with was that you're already in a relationship and how that reflects on social media So whether you've just met someone Potentially off of such social media how you're then representing your relationship online Which is interesting.

I don't really take think about it from the angle But I can see I can definitely see that obviously from what you've said.

It's important to you to To avoid judgment Yeah, and and be more conscious of how you are represented and how vulnerable you are to people That may spite you or may judge you or may say certain things about your relationship Especially if it's a new relationship as well how that's gonna impact on you and how you move forward That's right.

What sure obviously just talk a little bit about what how you kind of dealt with that how you managed it Yeah, I mean, um, you know for me personally my relationship it's weird because we we met like a few years ago, but We just had a professional relationship really it's only in the past say eight months that we've been dating and Because of the fact that it is still fresh Like it was very important for me, especially at the beginning stages even now in some in some ways It's still very important to let that relationship develop and manifest and blossom, you know before being so I guess over and Open with it, especially on social media just because I'm being even like a artist and having a business Like, you know being someone who's really in that small to medium business category you know growing trying to grow my business and trying to grow myself as a Entrepreneur I've been on social media for that reason and I've seen that you know Everyone's got your best interests at heart.

And so when it comes to your relationship is that which is I guess more private More so than a business. I can't really compare business to relationship But in the sense, there's the similarity in the sense you care about it and you want it to blossom But with your business you need people to know about it in order to be able to gain a Relationship with your clients.

Whereas when you it's a personal relationship between you and someone else It's literally just between you and someone else.

So I just thought that It was important for me not to use social media so much to Share my relationship just so that you know, I can actually work out How we think about each other Before we look at a meme and before we look at a An example of what a perfect relationship is in society, you know Because that's what social media does it it feeds you so much information and sometimes that can skew how you should actually be seeing your own relationship and trying to do things differently if I'm honest with you because Before now I'm somebody that what most of the time I'm I'm in public a lot being an artist and you know, I'm around other women or models or people in the entertainment industry and stuff like that and those things You know can have an effect on your personal relationships people can always you know come with a misconception of Who you are because of the industry that you're based in Especially if I'm honest with you as a man, I've got to say it, you know as a man It's important to kind of lead in that front in the relationship for some women You know can be Taken in by the fantasies of what a man should be in 2020 have this have that do this do that You know, I don't want her vision of me to be You know skewed because of what somebody's potential fake life looks like on social media, you know and Being able just to see me and on the come-up and being able to take me for who I am Without that outside influence is very important.

So that's the reason why you know, I prefer to just have the relationship private for now, even though It's not a secret. That's the key.

It's not a secret because you know, you might not my place You know that I'm in a relationship Finally, you know, I'm in a relationship anyone that's in both of our Circles know that we're in a relationship, but it just doesn't mean that it's gotta be, you know publicized to the world Oh the key thing that you said there was privacy man and knowing boundaries and having those boundaries that you know, you're true to yourself of what those are and you don't have to Jeopardize that for anyone or let the world see stuff that they don't need to your time is precious with with you know That's how you spend your time A quote someone told me once is like who do you love and who do you spend your time with?

That's that's what life is really about and I think that's what You're doing that and you should protect that definitely and I think Yeah, man, the point you raised as well in regards to the facade almost of seeing people Online and they had you know, they look a certain way and you throw this I Dear of what that person is like based on a few picks or based on captions or or whatever and then When you if you do get to meet them, they're very different people audit or people are just insecure in general And as you said, they feel they need to tear down other people can be the negative side So it's super interesting to hear that because that does go on but I think you're navigating it in the right way whereby don't need to prove yourself to anyone and Yeah, and you just just continue Protecting what is yours as it as it's still early relationship.

Yeah, it's all about finding and discovering each other I'm talking like I've been in It's encouraging and I'm just thankful as well that the missus even though she's an artist So she knows what it's like to work in a creative industry Like she's very private as well. So it's it's a nice little harmony there.

There's not like a conflict of oh I want to post this or wanna post that it's more like, you know Well, we post it when you think it should be shared or if it can inspire someone and never to like in a way You know make other people feel down because I think Social media has a tendency to do that. Oh, look at me.

I'm doing all of this and it's fantastic When some people are actually using, you know, the good things that are happening to inspire and motivate other people When it comes to relationships, you know, I always feel like it's something that Into in today's 2020. We don't have enough role models. Let's just say in our Generations or Craig. Do you think there's like a Pressure there though.

Do you feel that obviously being in a relationship? You there is pressure to have to show that in some form or another and if you don't show it to people then it's not real I did what do you feel about that? So I took a lot I'm just trying to listen.

I'll try to listen to all of it on both sides I mean it was a very interesting take as to what you took and we we definitely appreciate your transparency for sure because that was things that men actually really do deal with like we really do have this kind of struggle and you've taken a stance with intention as to to protect and to spend more time with your loved ones, which is a Hard decision for men to make sometimes sometimes very hard to make a decision on intention We actually we kind of just float around and then we wonder why is things not what in place?

It's because you're floating. That's why it's not in place. So it's good that you've been able to do that. Um some key key pieces I took from what you're saying because you was in a mixture of Intentional decisions Which is from love so I believe in two things.

We only make decisions from love or fear And so you had some decisions which were made from love and some decisions which were made from fear Fear was definitely how you first first kicked it off, which was around Family friends people who have bad intentions exes, etc. All those decisions are based off of fear But if you said, you know what? I want my my relationship to blossom.

I want my relationship to have some more personal and One-on-one time then as a decision based off of love because you realize actually Social media doesn't need to play a part in our relationship right now We can actually just put a full focus on each other And don't have any other outside energy or forces getting getting to play So my best advice or even listening to that or listen to anyone else listen is to definitely always Re-assess your choices to make sure that you're making the choices in love and not in fear So like even for me, I am a person who Even for me, I am actually a person who has a mixture of I'm I use Instagram for potentially Finding good friends connections or even date But I also have a very my well, one of my love language is actually quality time, which means being in person Someone being right next to me and with me That is a very key part of me going out to eat and etc doing the things I enjoy And in addition to that, I'm in relationships being probably over six months and yeah, there is a Fear of actually posting your social media or your social media Posting your social your your your um relationship, but I didn't have the fear personally she did Um, but what I use my social media for is an extension of me It's not to create a facade or create a mask or to create a thing that doesn't exist I show struggles.

I show the the good the bad the ugly the the great moments the surprising moments as well so my relationship was just uh, My social media is just a reflection of my life and I just extend that onto social media So when I did get ratio, maybe it's not instant that we posted it We still gave ourselves times to grow and know each other and then we post it and the energy has only ever been positive Again, would it matter if negative came along?

No, it wouldn't really actually and when I first posted my picture It got forwarded over 50 times Yeah, I I I definitely think what you're doing is amazing because you're pouring into Your relationship and into yourself for the things that you caught you hold as a core belief That's what you pour into and that that should pretty much be something that everybody does so that works really well Um and for you, you know, what actually there are some celebrities We don't know who their partner is who their baby looks at what their baby looks like and they've made that choice Because you know what they feel that is the best way to kind of grow their relationship.

Um, and that's fine If it works for them, it works for them and their social media still blossoms in other ways, um for other purposes Um, all we're gonna do now, we've got a couple of questions that we're gonna go through Literally just open it out to the table And then we'll just have a very quick chit chat about that and then we'll just wrap it up. Does that sound good? That sounds good. Yeah wiki. Yeah.

This is Simon. How many questions do you have? Three, well, I got three. Oh, man Okay, i'll use one i've got one two three four I've got eight brother. You gotta pick two, bro I'll pick one This one is I kind of giggled at this one so I gotta say this one. Yeah, all right good. Yeah, cool Has the classiness of women gone down the toilet with social media?

I didn't ask the question I know who asked that question Josh if you want to jump in because he's smiling I'm shocked. I'm shocked. If you don't saw my face. I'm shocked. Josh. Yeah Go on Josh That's a sticky question. Yeah, listen, I I wouldn't Hey, that's dangerous territory Because you you can't yeah, I don't know. I i'm trying to this is my philosophy at the moment.

I'm trying to um Follow uh, this is not me though that you know I'm just trying to say that I i'm trying to follow a belief of Non-judgment at the moment. I'm trying not to be judgmental of people.

Um Uh, because I think it's the echo talks about the power of now just like trying to um Be in the present and and judging people is is is a dangerous territory to get into And that I guess is where that question leads But I don't know.

I think you know, as you said, um Earlier like in terms of people just being themselves and and doing what they want to do on social media Anyone can create an account You're free to do what you want You're free to post what you want people have judgments people have opinions just the way it is There's going to be 14 trolls on there and you know some certain um women and men as well Um, and you know non-binary people people that identify different genders.

This is a different world now I'm gonna you know post and and other people may Feel it's what it's a certain way or they look a certain way or it You know, everyone's got their own opinion on it I think for me look if you're going to use it you're going to do what you want to do Cool if I don't particularly feel like it's giving me energy, I'll probably I won't be following you anyway And if I see it, i'll just kind of be like cool.

That's you. I'm not going to pay attention to it. Um, But I wouldn't I wouldn't say That you know, I don't know that statement is is is a tricky one That's what i'm going to say So for me if you want to live your life and do what you want to do and and behave in a certain way or not Behaving a certain way it's up to you.

I'm not here to judge you I'm just here to create my own connections with people that you know in my circle and and I like it Smart man smart great great god. I know you've got another question there as well Okay, so I got two questions one is a bit of a deeper one But one is actually a quick one for us a quick fire one. So let me give you a quick fire one Does a girl's follow count turn you on or off of her?

Everyone can answer For me It has an effect Yeah off off yours is off. Okay. Yeah It turns turns you off the person if their follow account is it's high or low. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Let's get let's get some Let's say that their numbers was 2 000 followers and uh, 5 000 following that's one of the occasions What if their numbers were also 2 000 2 000 and what if the numbers were 20 000 followers?

2 000 following It depends There's a I I wouldn't really be bothered But the reason why they could have high numbers is maybe they're like a musician and they've got a lot of fans Like you don't really know why they've got that many followers.

It may not just be men exactly It may not just be 20 000 men following them and all their pictures are scared I'm just saying so I wouldn't judge based on I wouldn't judge based on followers because I don't know who those people are It could be fans of something that she does.

I don't know Only fans it could be only fans If they've got a lot of following I guess This is see this thing gets superficial in it because really and truly this is where instagram can make us like Our focus on numbers and we we all kind of do it to an extent We all have an essence of vanity within us But like I don't know if I see someone and they're They're like low following low followers, then i'm like cool Like you're just you're humble you're you're chill if it's if it's higher and they're an artist or so on then cool I understand if if it's super high As in wait super high following and low followers or 20 000 followers 2000 following Okay, and then but if they're artists then that could make sense, right?

If they're artists or if they're an entity or something if they're not Then then it depends on what all right ask the question then what if they're not an artist? Okay, then it depends what pictures they're putting up and it depends Let me give you one last question.

This one's a fire fire one fire one When you're posting for various accounts, do you think about potential women and whether the content you're posting will have you Will put you in a higher chance of being successful for the potential suitor So basically do you do do you check the question on your social media?

Do you curate your content so you can you can put yourself in a higher chance like putting your better pictures on but for example Putting your best side on or I definitely just I can't answer that question because i'm not on socials like that.

So yeah, I used to definitely I admit man like when I when I wasn't dating and I was Yeah, kind of just you know, just putting myself out there and i'm coming to you and I had certain crushes on instagram And I knew they were following me. I definitely wanted to see wanted them to see my best side So yeah, I can definitely admit that one. Yeah, all right simon You're a big liar.

You're a big liar But Was it over was youtube was you choosing a very specific type of picture or was you actually just put in any picture?

Man three two one with the cap low was it was your old name was an old tag back then frowns a frowns picture Exposes and that yeah man was frowning at the camera In the bedroom and that What It had to keep it was a famous front picture you was never smiling because you was named as frowns To be like, oh if i'm gonna put this picture up because this picture is gonna get me more girls or something I never thought about it like that.

Okay, but you got it. Were you getting more girls at that time?

Yeah He's like i'm a frown at you Yeah That's a good question bro, I do you know what i'll also admit and be honest Yeah, man, we did someone I saw a quote as well like the other day like you're always Not everyone but a lot of people are putting stuff up for someone that I don't know Jilted them or someone from their past like they're trying to Let them see that man still out here So I wouldn't say i'm doing that now, but i'm definitely putting up my best content I'll have to agree like myself got a look on point Now an interesting one for you guys like I put up a lot of modeling photos and other stuff So ones that i've actually I like for myself However, a lot of my stories if you watch my stories and a lot of the videos the motivational videos I do My hair is almost never done 80 of my videos my hair is looking nappy and i'm doing it like early morning when your eyes are still looking chinky Yeah, so actually I I'm a mixture.

I have a case where some of the photos i'm posting I'm really focusing on what do I like about it? Not what is it going to get me and then the other side to it would be actually The videos I do Am I really going to prepare myself and wait for my hair to get done before I do the video?

So again, it's like a reflection of my life my rule I try to do that as much as possible because it gets really resist I get a lot of resistance in myself if I start to curate it too much because when I I created social media originally because I wanted to create mr Positive, but before that I didn't like the concept of instagram where you just double tap and comment on people and judge people I didn't like that.

I didn't I didn't want to open myself up to that So actually I created it with a purpose of motor being but yeah that that was a we got so many other questions Yeah, let's wrap up Simon was like nah, look, we're not traveling back 10 years.

We're gonna keep it All right, let's wrap it up there guys, so obviously Generally when we have our conversations and we like to round it off nicely with a couple of questions And then we have like a food for thought so just something to kind of take away Either something we've taken away from the conversation or something we think the listeners can take away. So, uh, josh, you want to go first?

Yeah, yeah, I think um, no, it's been super informative man.

And thank you for having me I think you know just listening to everyone's experiences of of relationships given that i'm probably the um, only single one right now um Makes me realize that you know being in a relationship is not something to Be I guess worried or fearful of on social media when it eventually happens that you can still make that work and not have any Of the negatives that might eventually, you know might potentially go with that So I think you guys have kind of um shone light on that for me where it's not been something that i've actually experienced and And also not being judgmental of myself or using social media For a dating aspect whether that be for convenience or whatever and just knowing that you know If you want to to to utilize it for romantic relationships or just building connections you can do that Um, and it's it's you know, it's this new world that we live in or you cannot do it.

It's totally up to you. Um, Yeah, it's been super useful man.

Thank you Yeah, um If you don't mind I was gonna say um this Conversation has been really good and informative for me I've taken a lot from it and one of the main things is self love actually, you know, um Craig I made a very good point about making decisions out of love and not fear and um Self love is part of that and being secure within yourself will help you to Be guarded in a world where you know social media does play a big part in our lives And you don't need to be worried about what you post and you don't need to be worried about what you share As long as that's those things actually rule within yourself and that's just an extension of you So yeah, man, I think self love is a big one.

And um, yeah, I think that's definitely something that i'm i'm gonna definitely look into a lot more, you know, um And giving yourself permission just to be cool with Sharing and being cool with um not sharing but having self love And above all else, I think is a very key one.

So thank you man Craig, you know go cool Um, uh, my main one actually really is in be intentional Uh need you use the dating app use social media be in a relationship post it or not Be intentional about the way you're using it as well And everything and one of the key things I realized is that yeah, we try to balance out our time and convenience. However Don't take the same energy.

You started talking to people via dating apps Into the relationship because what you're going to do is treat them and treat your relationship as when it's convenient Rather than it being a priority and that's one of the biggest hiccups how people transfer a dating Culture Via app and social media into their real life. They may take the same Things that oh i'm still just i'm working at my house.

So I can't see you right now. It's like Well, I need to get this money so I can't really see you right now. It's like yeah Okay, you're not we're not dating app anymore.

We're actually in a case where we're given intentional and real Um in in real life time So yeah Be very intentional about your choices and the way you you you navigate around people because they're people in the end of the day They are they do have families feelings children money Other things that they have to focus on so don't treat them as a a toy or something on the side Cool, um my food for thought is I'm in denial about The fact that I haven't been dating on social media Oh So it's a realization isn't it but it is what it is I was young i'm i'm not young no more I'm an old man.

So it is what is but You're wise. Yeah, but it's about wise. Yeah.

Yeah, obviously from from my own Characteristics and my own values and stuff and going kind of it's a reflection of what albert said as well to be fair it's about um being true to yourself self-love privacy as well is important and try not to to Live in that fear and fear of being judged and just do do what's best for you in it Doesn't matter do what's best for you.

We're living in new times where This is the way it is with social media with dating with everything else Certain things are acceptable now where they didn't deem to be acceptable before and that's just that's just a changing culture That's just the way it is. So Yeah, there shouldn't be any judgment on that and just live your best life, man That's what I say. Live your best life. Do do you do you? Yeah.

Yeah, we had a nice long conversation today with our guests I need a part two. That's it.

But obviously this platform isn't just about us talking to you It's about you guys the listeners getting involved asking as many questions as you can Continuing the conversation And open up to asking each other about your views your experiences you can obviously dm us sending comments email Obviously if you enjoyed the podcast, please like please share our content to promote the great health and well-being Obviously, we can't get better if we don't encourage each other to talk and express what's on our minds as well So remember you guys just remember to follow us subscribe to stay up to date with all of our content We do live events on instagram as well.

So stay tuned for that Um, obviously, thank you josh. Thank you albert. Thank you craig and thank you guys for listening man This has been talking to my thoughts and we'll see you guys soon