Ep6 | When Do I Become A Man? (Ft Ebenezer)

When you're acting in a certain way being out with you guys or whatever you're representing an Identity and my question to each person and myself continually I've been joining this I guess my whole life is what am I what I'm doing today? How is that representing how I want to be presented within this demographic?

Hey everybody, I hope you're all doing well Welcome to talking to my thoughts where we have open honest and raw conversations about Well our thoughts the topics will range from anxiety Life goes relationship money work everything that runs through our head. So, you know, the possibilities are endless You're here with Craig Revere aka. Mr. Positive Sorry, mr.

Akating eyes SJ No, okay, okay, and that ever needs it on the wall a aka mr. Make it happen So today I'm gonna pick a really special topic What it means to be a man Suddenly people like buzzin all over place women men boys girls all that thinking. Oh, what does it mean to be a man? But let's let me me give a bit of a description. What?

they say on the on the Wikipedia a Man is an adult male human like most other male mammals Man's genome typically inherits and that'll even relate to any of that stuff Wikipedia you failed me today Trying to get social by What it means to be a man You're gonna hear some of our thoughts on it anyway personally, but to be a man to me, I don't really have a Couldn't even say I have a gender-specific description about it to be honest of you to me The main thing that we have a purpose of is just being ourselves, you know, so that's not really gender-specific It's actually I don't know if the I relate to the typical We have responsibilities have to earn a sum of money have to have a certain type of job place Material stuff.

I actually just say be yourself which is in its entirety and the good bad times the poor times the wealthy times it doesn't really matter to me, but Let me hear your thoughts about what the initial thoughts about what it means to be a man To be fair, I would more so come from the standpoint of saying not just what it is to be a man But what it is to be a black man because That can be a very different thing Obviously your experiences as a man and then as a black man They are slightly skewed.

So more so what I will probably speak about today is is my own personal Experience and how that's Allowed me to evolve into the person I am today So it'll be interesting to find out what you guys experiences are as well and we can kind of just talk a little bit about Again, we're gonna be looking at your thoughts as well thinking about Where your experiences are and what if it's what is done to then make you the person that you are today?

huge My understanding when something's a little bit Deep if you like I like to think in reverse. So what is it to be a man? How about what is not being a man?

What is the contrary because sometimes it's easier to work out Like you know what you're what you are doing and whether it fits within your criteria so the kind of things that come to mind is Your What who are you showing up at so what do you represent within the space that you're in even be a family or friendship group?

And what do you bring to the table a lot of that about provision and your identity within yourself?

But I think it's it's a huge topic it's quite exciting to start to explore this but each person has their own specific identity within manhood and I think today's gonna be quite quite an incredible one even your thoughts as well Already you can hear is the differences between all of us and I think you all have some kind of thing to relate to Each piece of us one of us anything like that.

So we're not gonna waste no time We're gonna get straight into it as you know in this podcast We are literally listening to our thoughts. These are times when we would have pre recordings of us Basically speaking to ourselves because how we speak to ourselves is very different to how we speak to others There's no presentation is it could be messy.

It could be whatever it is So we're gonna play a podcast and we're gonna start with Ebeneezers Okay, mr. Make it happen So, what does it really mean to be a man, what is it? What is manhood? And where do you sit? Where do I sit within this? See manhood or what it means to be a man.

Let's use the word manhood because it just feels better manhood is an interesting topic, but we understand you're a young person or a boy for a season and Then you then have to become a man But no one ever really sits down and says this is the requirements to be a man this is what you need to do to say this is how you think behave and act and Then you're a man so there's this gray area between being a young boy and then stepping into manhood and then you actually The expectation is there but the equipment Isn't there so you feel like you're playing catch-up the whole time?

Or at least that's how I feel so I'm In this kind of thing called life.

One of the biggest manhood steps was the ability to fix stuff so I found an ability to Bring stuff together to to be at a purposeful person in the idea that I can take apart stuff and you know I mean kind of household stuff change light bulb light was that was that manhood the ability to bring things To be better because of your your thoughts and your your skills is that manhood or was it being a provider?

being the person who Can can always be relied on you you can't be without I understood manhood is about being the person that can be leaned on regardless of the scenario, but when there's money needed You got to be there, but you can't you can't shy down from that as a man at least that's what I thought And then you hold the idea of emotionally strong you've got to be the person who is always there to listen Always got to be there to listen because at the end of the day People need somebody who's always going to be strong to being being strong Is part of being a man and then there's physical strength if you can't lift something.

I remember countless scenarios some Nigerian guy like I'm strong enough But there's people who are stronger than me and then when people lift stuff that you can't lift is then you're no longer a man It's like your your manhood your identity in in in that is in the strength that you you have I don't I never really understood that one, but it is what it is and Your choices as well, but the biggest thing for me is My manhood isn't one of these things manhood is a combination of being Consistent being reliable being able to intervene being emotionally strong being physically strong and actually stepping into it and my big biggest Thought and I do think about it quite a lot not every single day, but am I enough I Might am I enough and that is a probably not a great question probably a better declaration Because the reality is what are you comparing it to like who are you using or what are you using as the benchmark to even know?

if they you're enough if that you if you are enough and the reality is Unless you declare that you're enough You never will truly be enough So being a man is understanding that you are that you ever need to be and that you can grow whatever you want to be What it mean?

To be a man smashed it Smashed it poetry So i've been taking notes in between that major now if someone told you to do a Speech about what it means to be a man You would have picked up those pieces provider be there for people listen lift stuff strength choices consistent Funny enough by the time you got to the end of that podcast You dropped it all Did you not realize you actually You let go of all those things.

You actually just said you just need at the end It actually you just have to be All of it could be none of it as well Now the interesting or fact thing about it is the reason why we picked this topic is because there's a lot of stuff that you Have there provider be there listen stuff lift stuff.

These are things that society our culture tells us a lot of things But in the end of it you was there was a somewhat there was a You didn't save with your chest, I know you You didn't say you didn't say no, this is yeah to be a man you have to lift stuff you need to be strong to be you actually just said well there was no guidance, but I think I think it's this and I think it's this then you got to the end of it.

He was like Maybe it's not and the thing is every time you went through the list I was like what if you're not a provider what if you couldn't provide today? What if you wasn't there for them today? What if you couldn't listen today? What if you wasn't strong enough today? Are you still a man? Or did you become a boy again in transition? So what's your speak?

And then it goes back to the end of it the thing the thing that you said at the end am I enough So if you thought this was the way it was to be a man if you couldn't do those at any certain point in your life Does that mean you're no longer a man? Does that mean you don't belong? You're enough if you're not because you can't go back to a boy So what happens? That's major.

Thanks for I didn't even Take that apart like you did appreciate your mind When it comes to the part one and part two because that was raw because my journey you could hear my thoughts journeying through And then as I began to really think the first part is the societal prerequisites And that's why I wasn't speaking with the conviction like is is it it was a lot of questions out there I'm like, why are you questioning yourself bro?

Like you should know your own thoughts, but a lot of it is society says do this we see on the media We see people and then We associate that with shrimp that person who's the the ripped guy on the movie in the hollywood They're the guy and the person who's you know, I mean got the glasses on like that. Are they not the guy?

And then I moved to like actually it's about This the decision that you make and the identity that you hold within yourself You qualify all the other stuff can or not come and the greatest thing Um that I like how you put if you're not those things you bought you You know what I mean? It's like a little bardic and you're like boom.

It's gone because you didn't perform one duty I Funny thing is I think that You was right in a lot of points because you can't be wrong about your own thoughts Like you can't say okay or now thinking and don't get me wrong I don't think craze trying to say that in any way or contradict or say anything that you've said is wrong because That's your mindset.

That's your thought process and that's what it's about listening to what your thoughts are I think that It's it's quite interesting to think about how that transition actually happened and I agree that a lot of those points that men generally have or boys generally have is that they think that those are the things that they need to attribute in order to then become a man and For many cases it doesn't have to be the case I agree.

It doesn't have to be the case. You don't have to be strong to be like, okay I'm only a man if i'm strong Because there's so many other attributes that you have That can then make you a man. Yeah, and again, it's all about what he's talking about about being responsible being reliable Being mature. Yeah And that's not a nap.

That's not a on off situation where it's just like one day i'm aware Now i'm 18 suddenly i'm a man.

Yeah, and a man as we define is someone that is reliable is responsible can Take care of themselves take care of their family Are mature enough to handle their own emotions And mature enough to understand when they're wrong and be able to apologize and there's so many it's all about that mindset of Knowing when you're wrong as well That's I think that's a big thing about being a man is that when you can actually turn around and say, you know what?

Cool. I did the wrong thing I apologize I'm willing to move forward from it What is all right like that? That's not a young thing when you're actually able to start doing stuff like that. That's when you start realizing Okay Now i'm maturing now i'm becoming a man because a lot of people can just think well i'm 18 now i'm a man in the legal As yeah, i'm a man now.

That's not the case, bro Yeah, that's how I think and I definitely think I agree with a lot of your points with We are we are because of society Led to think that there are certain things such as we have to be physically strong or we have to be able to do this In order for us to be a man when it's a little bit more than that I think more so about being a man is about your emotional and your mental state Right how you can handle situations and your experiences and how you learn from it Because from time you're making mistakes and you're not learning from it and you're making a mistake again You're still not learning from it.

You're making a mistake again That's that's immature for me so subjective and that in does different the Having the problem with Defining what it means to be a man is that problem right there trying to define it It's subjective in so many ways and it doesn't mean that when uh Again, the key part about being mature Making mistakes repeated mistakes over and over again If you suddenly was a man top of the world feeling like you you you you did everything you needed to do You Something traumatizes you something kicked you off your your high horse And then all of a sudden normal life things seem to just be a struggle Going to work or Being there for people is just a struggle and then you do it again and you do it again You do it again It's really telling yourself I've been really immature right now Maybe i'm not a man.

Is that really going to get you back up? You understand?

I think we always Define the man as being these powerful strong positive attributes But we never take on the other side of what means it means to be a man as well That if you do get kicked down, you still get up and it's okay to be kicked down because actually that's what helps me grow Um, it's okay for me to um mess up on something because I know I shouldn't be doing that again I don't want to do that again.

It's okay to make mistakes in your life. It's okay to sleep around or not sleep around because I need to I need to learn these things.

These are part of my life again the way that with society sees it they always put these Things on pedestals and always only good attributes and never bad attributes But in our life, there's actually both And you needed the bad to even get to those good ones anyway, but anyway that we won't get too far into it So we're going to move on to the next piece.

Um Um We can get into this really tough it gets it gets juicy it gets juicy You know what? Let's let's let's move on to my recording. Um and see like the difference between it So yeah, let's get into it right now What does it mean to be a man? first time I heard that actually that was like at some men's health event and it was the topic came up and I was like What does it mean to be a man?

I actually didn't know I actually didn't even know if I was a man and i'm thinking that was only last year I remember you like you was thinking right Are you even a man yet? Bear in mind like you're 28, but When was the transition? When did it happen? Was it when you started paying bills? Is it when you started working? Was it when you just turned 18?

I actually don't know But you didn't wreck your brain about it much. Did you? he was just like Just live your life. I guess i'm a man by gender, but I don't necessarily see this as a particular way to be a man. That's the main thing for me like my Description of what it means to be a man is to be yourself Say what you do and do what you say So live your life and just be free But then it's not gender specific anymore.

Is it so is that being a man? It really doesn't matter to me. Actually, I just be Everyone has so many ways to categorize and Describe and society always has a way to put you in a certain place and describe. Um, yeah, as I said that I said describe already Just yeah, everyone has an opinion But actually the way you've lived your life. It didn't really matter about What they expected of you What it was to be a man?

Having a certain responsibility have a certain amount of money Etc No That never really ticked off your boxes to yell out needs to be a man Even for the people I see men that are um Looking for employment. They're struggling with financially they go gym. Don't go gym. They um They're gay. They're not gay. They are with a partner or they're not with a partner They're introverts extroverts Confident not confident.

It doesn't really matter to me These people are all men Once I can see you being yourself, that's what being a man is to me And the people that's not being a man Actually, I don't know.

I've never really said all that pent that person's not being a man about Everyone goes for their struggles, you know There is no pinnacle place as to what is a man or this is a man or this is the role model This is the idol model There is none of that Being a man is just a way for the society in the world to understand who you are and where to put you but You don't have to conform to that you understand I'm not talking about like, oh, yeah, don't class yourself genderly as a man, but i'm just saying Just be There is no description of dictionary that can possibly explain who you are You just be So actually you don't have to put so much stress on yourself about What is it?

What is it to be a man?

I hope that I can continue to think this in the future as well And I could hope I can explain this to kids in other things as well the same way just be stop worrying about what the category is because nobody has every single one of the Um skills and talents and Achievements you need to have ticked off to say yeah, you're a man now You're a man when you say you are Simple as that you know what I I agree with a lot of that actually and one thing I was thinking about when you was bringing it up about What do we need to conform to what people think a man is As you said there isn't there isn't a specific definition because as you said it is very subjective and I think that It Where does the definition come from does it come from you internally and when you think that you're a man?

Or is it a case of when other people perceive you as being a man and about perception because I just funny enough I was just thinking about this just as you as I heard that voice note as well like When I was young and I didn't think I was a man people were calling me a man And I was confused like literally when was in I think it was secondary school and was doing work experience I was working in a shop And then the customers will come up to me and then there was a little kid in the shop And the mom went over and he's like, oh don't disturb that man.

He's busy working. I'm like man. I'm in school Like what are you talking about? Yeah, so it's all about perception and how people think of you as well, but even at that time me I didn't quite think I was a man so is it about the perception of other people or is about When your own perception of yourself when is that definition actually come across and when does that transition actually happen? It's hard to define.

It's such a hard thing.

That's huge I had a the bet that really stood out to me was the b you just be Is that understand that when I decide to just be me That's kind of when i'm transitioning or the closest i've ever been to manners and my interpretation And you took a you took a journey along this responsibility and expectation Like as simon said there's this external Like people are seeing me as a man because i'm in a shop and i've got money coming in And then there's responsibility.

I've been given responsibility. Therefore. I must be Be Man enough to uphold that which is really really interesting Um, but then it's the idea of not conforming. I don't want to conform to that If that person at the shop sees me as a man Do I then have to be a certain way so that i'm checking off their box? Yeah, and I mean I puff my chest out a little bit, you know I mean because to them and their kid i'm a man.

Yeah, and then it's the idea.

I just got to be sure if i'm if i'm 100 being me Walking in the surety Then I am A man, but I like I like that like the thought it's very interesting that you said about that the It's the perception And I say that we're in a world where The blind is leading the blind We're looking to society and these other people and blind leaders kind of like when a celebrity does something in the top of the world Looking at iron man right now And then I don't know You hear they just went through a um Relapse or they just went through did something crazy and criminal or a drug overdose or something like that and you're like Wow, you just placed my I just placed my whole life on being you But you're making mistakes like these.

I would never see myself doing And this is why I just always tell people just to be yourself. You don't look to society because it's just blind leaders And you're just going to end up in a place just like them.

It's just it's a path that nobody really knows and we wouldn't put on this earth for us to Lead to be somebody else And as you said what was about the shop one was a great example now that this this boy has called me a man Do I need what do I need to do? What do I need to change?

I just puff my chest out do other people see me as a man now you start changing things about you And you wasn't ready You wasn't ready to puff out your chest.

You just wanted to keep the boy chest, you know You wasn't ready to you wasn't ready to deepen your voice because I can't force that many hurts You know what i'm saying so it's and this is the key part I wasn't ready to change my voice because it hurts What about the rest of the aspects of your life?

I wasn't ready to be a man yet because it hurts It's too hard for me to do this It's too hard for me to sacrifice being a kid going to see my friends or my family and having to feel I have To work because I have to earn money and I have to do this. You understand what i'm saying?

So I really find Just being is necessary Because perception will really clouds who you think you're supposed to be and you start to lose yourself along the way In a sense by the time you start to transition you become an adult you actually realize when you look back I was like i'll even have the same aspirations I had before wanting to be a firefighter Space going to space wanting to do electronics someone said be realistic be a man And they said just go and put yourself in the office and start typing typing.

Hey, I type the type I try to put it down, but i'm just saying Where's the aspirations to be a firefighter or go into space again? Where's that gone? Was that just a boy's dream? But was the boy actually more more of a man than it was than the man himself?

Because the man himself has just been another monkey another clone another person that just says that society said I had to do this So that's what i'm gonna do But the boy was always being himself the whole time. So which one would you prefer to be? Which one was the happiest one?

Someone say oh, but when you get to a man, you have all these responsibilities But I always say the best time in my life Results people what's the best time in their life?

Often people go backwards in secondary school college When I didn't have responsibilities don't have that responsibility the best time in my life is today Because every single step I take in my life I have more and more control over my life and what I can do if I say my life is lit It's probably because I made it lit and if it's not lit, it's because I made it that way But when you was a boy and stuff like you had all these people that were guiding you and putting you in these places now You're on your own now.

You feel like you actually want to be a boy again So now you really think well Is that the really the way you were supposed to be that really the man you wanted to be is Is this what it means to be a man? So that's why we just go back to just being How do you just be a bit more just do what you feel in the sense?

That's that's how I see it What I said, there's pressures in it Sometimes it's pressure that you put on yourself and a lot of times it's pressure from As you said what other people want you to be or you have to conform or what they perceive you to be As you said, it's just pressure and i'll be interested actually to kind of Kind of swerve the lame slightly and just obviously not just thinking about what it is to be a man because one thing I was interested in is being a black man as well does that then Change it slightly differently for you.

It's not just about thinking about okay Have to be a man now that you're in a society where you're a black man living in in london Does how much does that change you in terms of how much you need to be a man and those conformities and all the others?

um, I had interested I went to an interesting place where I had to do a public speak and they Talked about being a black man and interracial interracial relationships anyone has so many opinions about What they what they see that other people are supposed to do what you're supposed to do blah blah blah and I say Listen to what i'm trying to tell you when you was born You was a human first Skin color was placed on you god gave that to you You your culture was placed on you your education was placed on you all these other things when you're when you're older You choose which one you was human first.

The main thing that you have to go over to is being yourself first Need to be a black man white man into interracial relationships and being whatever you want to be The thing is again if we try to take on another perception of what a black man means Who or who has the perfect description for us to know what we to conform to so again, we have blind leaders How many generations of black men have there been do you go to those generations?

They don't have social media How do you how does that work within this in this day and age?

When a black man in america a black man in england a black man knew all these different places It's it's different So for me how I see it instead of thinking about outside and what they want me to do How am I supposed to conform and am I supposed to go to am I supposed to riot am I supposed to do crime am I supposed to um fight for peace am I supposed to fight for rights?

I just say you know what what feels like it aligns with me Need that be me supporting my culture my country my people Just because you want to see your people grow you understand what i'm saying But then it's not just your country. It could actually be any country. It could be any place as well So I try to always go back to myself. What feels right? What feels like it aligns to me? You understand what i'm saying.

So he's like, oh do I fight for rights in my in my workplace? Do I fight for do I jump carnival?

do I go back to my country and start investing into it do I um Go and support other black men that are doing other things and the reason why i'm saying that what aligns with you is because What can happen is that I someone can look at me Say that i'm going to send this off and say that i'm in carnival and say that I actually support other black men then another black man is Um trying to get himself out of the hood trying to he does he's never been able to go back to his country He doesn't like he doesn't like carnival, but he does do something else That's two different types of black men.

If you thought I was the perfect one. That means you're making his life invalid So all these things about these labels that we we place ourselves and that Society tries to place in us. It's just a way to categorize us, but it doesn't actually Abide with us It's like placing a box in us and say that let's put yourself in that box and then don't change Don't try and crawl out of it.

You better stay where exactly where you are. I don't conform to that There is no box There is no there is no perfect category Even the person you are today is completely tomorrow different completely different to who you are tomorrow today You say i'm a black man. I want to I take walks and I um Speak for black men and then tomorrow you say you know what?

I actually want to be in the background You understand what i'm saying? So I I I understand what you're saying. I would love to hear what yous a lot think about but I just I just feel like I don't like these labels and I just try to conform with what things that align with me better rather than it being like What does society expect of me? huge I love the response.

I have this um, as I always do I think in reverse, but I like this idea of responsibility So when it comes to being a black man, um, nigeria But when it comes to being a black man There's a lot that comes with it because in terms of where we are today with being a person of color in any sense And actually what that means with the abilities that we have the openness and the fact that we can even really speak about this Like this today is it means that we've come a long way but my my biggest thing is It's about representing so we can skip back to man and manhood I always see when I see a guy many of the form of relationship type stuff When a person acts my biggest thing is you're not doing you you're actually representing guys You know, I mean you're representing men as a whole because the perception that's going to be created Is not just of you and and the relationship that you're in or the person that you meet or the customer for you You know, I mean they're going to blanket that to be an all-men So eventually what you're doing is is painting a picture for all of us So that's kind of the standpoint I come so if you flip the script to being black men When you're acting in a certain way being out of your guys or whatever you're representing An identity and my question to each person and myself continually And i've been journeying this I guess my whole life is what am I?

What if what i'm doing today, how is that representing? How I want to be presented within this demographic if you like and if it's negative Is it just the way I am and I digress a little bit when my voice got deeper people Everybody wants a deep voice. No one wants that high bitch voice My voice got deeper and it got to the point i'll be at home more about people like your voice is too deep What i'm like, huh?

I didn't there's not a scale that I was like I want the man man voice I don't know what my voice sounds like because I can't hear it Yeah, but I remember that happened and I was like that's for my whole life I was like one day my voice can be deeper Suddenly I get there and there's this response to this is different to what I thought it was going to be I just arrived and you just shut me down in a moment And i'm like, what are we even trying to represent?

You know what I mean? And when when that happened I realized that the identity that we Have has to be I want to represent as best as I can And that goes back to being if i'm just being me and doing me i'm representing me I'm representing man if i'm a person of color going out and saying, okay, i'm gonna keep myself. Well, i'm gonna dress Well, i'm gonna be a person of influence.

I am representing Everything that I need to in this moment and it's not about what you want me to be But i'm being what I want to be Do you feel that's a lot of pressure on you though?

Do you think of it as pressure at all to think that You need to not only you're representing yourself, but your conscious that you're representing An identity and something bigger Is there is it do you feel that that's pressure on yourself or how does that kind of work? That's a very good question I I put the word pressure.

Um, i've actually come to love it I love the concept of pressure because I understood pressure to be something like i'm under pressure. I've got deadlines, but then I Um free study. I realized that pressure is one of the greatest assets that we have And study is a good one.

For example, i've got a something dissertation or a project that two-week window before Suddenly you're able to do much more like miracles happen in those two weeks because the pressure is amplified Yeah, but then six months before that pressure didn't produce any good results because you were thinking i've got to deliver i've got to deliver so If used correctly pressure is a good thing, but in response to your question What is is that adding the pressure to my life?

And the answer is depending on if you choose it to be If I am upholding the mantle of manhood for for this generation, that's quite an honor thing. But if Let's say I did something wrong now. I'm ashamed I'm putting shame upon the name. Yeah, then that's it. So it's it depends on one what you do to Which angle you take?

I'd say it's a it's a powerful position to be representing something strong if someone said i'm playing for team gp I'm saying i'm representing nigeria in in football, but don't Don't let that one happen But don't contact me Yeah But if i'm representing the nation some may say that's a lot of pressure abby, but at the end of the day That's an honor I get everything I do will be marked against the legacy This piece that I represent interesting you did say about that pressure thing that's gonna be a topic in itself because For us to grow you don't grow in comfort zones, you know, you don't grow in Being comfortable even people and things and living things evolve through pressure diamonds are created under pressure these are all these other these typical topics, but We often think that actually being under pressure Can cause a bit of a problem.

But actually yes the way you use it the way you perceive it as well is very key and I agree with you on the representation.

Yeah, what you represent is is a very is a very key thing Like if I again, I always really lay it back to god at times I always say like we will put in this position with this skin color with this culture in this place For a reason god never gave us anything that we couldn't handle and it was it's as simple as that we we were we were never put on this earth to to struggle and to stress and to to Have a terrible life.

It was always on this earth to do something great in ourselves have a good life in a sense So I believe our perception on the way that we see pressure and the things that we were the places that we put in Is what is going to make the difference and how how you? How you kind of respond to that?

So if you believe that you was never put on this earth to suffer, but instead to be in favor at all times Then you need to be able to see your pressure as something that is going to help you grow And make you change or put you in a different position. So yeah, that's my side to it Should I say my last piece?

Um, so I guess just interjecting in obviously what that kind of topic we're talking about now is that I I'm very much I agree with both of your points and obviously it's about being yourself and I try not to put any pressure on myself in terms of Being that representation of what a black man is or a black man should be.

I just I'm more so trying to represent myself in the best light I possibly can Knowing that Obviously in the wider scheme of things essentially I am representing my people and I'm representing my identity and who I am Um, but I always just make sure that as long as i'm doing what's best for Me and i'm representing myself in the best light I can I'm naturally going to then represent myself in the best light in terms of being a black man.

Anyway um, there are moments where You are a little bit more conscious conscious of it than You would tend to really think about on a normal day-to-day basis say for example, as you said if you're doing something as simple as representing your country for a specific sport or You're representing Your culture you're representing you're you're in that kind of position where you then become a representation for more more people than just yourself Um, then you're a little bit more conscious of it and even like some certain things like when you go to work when you're at the workplace And you have to then compose yourself in a certain way And I think that's the only real time where i'm a little bit more conscious of who I am and how i'm representing myself It isn't necessarily to do with just being a black man, but being a man in that instance is that I have to make sure that No one's going to throw that whole stereotypical thing at me to think yeah He's just this guy that he's come off the streets He talks a certain way and blah blah blah, and then that's how they start treating you So I think that that's the only real time where i'm a little bit more conscious of it But other than that i'm more so just making sure that I represent myself in the best light I can I was gonna start on something else.

Yeah Let me let me i'll talk that topic. You don't go keep listening. You don't always see that topic come up black men in the in the Workplace. Yeah, let's give some people some some tips some stuff that we would um food food for thought leave that leave them with Ebenezer go ahead or do you born ready? I i'd say It's huge. I read a book.

Um shout out to napoleon hill thinking grow rich is about Writing down and creating a picture of the person you want to be Because that is a place of strength and identity and surety if you like Because once you've decided who you want to be once you are that then you are by definition successful so Not who does society want me to be? Even beyond being a man who do who do I want to be?

What do I want to wake up and add value to and who do I want to represent who do when I show up into a room? What do I want to represent? So step one, I would say write down So take some time out grab a cup of tea or whatever and just write down the person who you want to be And secondly reflect on where you are. Who are you right now?

And maybe reflect on what it is that created you to be there like your experience is good or bad And then put yourself in a position where you actually understand who you are One of my mentors said look there's two things that that you can that you need to achieve One is to understand where you are and two where you want to be so don't be in denial as to where you are But be real with yourself And then use that picture of who you want to be And the game is done Cool sam and you wanna um, yeah, I guess my my final piece is just through the conversation and through our forces There's no clear-cut transition I never really thought about that to be fair.

I never really thought okay What stage did I actually really become a man? And I think everyone What everyone should take away is that everyone has their own journey. It shouldn't be a case of allowing the external pressures to then Be put onto you to then think okay.

This is what I need to do to then be a man and I think it's important that people know you have your own journey and Things are going to happen when they happen, you will know When you're ready to know and I think that's my main takeaway from that My food for thought don't allow society to impose who you're supposed to be Be a man woman, whichever one it is don't allow society to define it for you.

They don't know Be yourself as much as possible pick your own interests pick your own attributes um fail hard Achieve hard whichever one it is just be yourself as much as possible when you enter a room It's not about what people think about you and what they like about you, but what are you? What do you like about them? What are you willing to represent yourself as? And just be yourself.

Just be as I said So Thank you for listening everybody. Yeah, this was talking to my thoughts with me craig sj Ebenezer, oh So as usual we always want to hear back from you guys and girls and whoever you are What are your thoughts about being a man? Even from women, what do you think?

It means that a man should be because this is always something that we're changing the way we we think and etc So it's always interesting to know Send in your thoughts via email for our socials Send a video audio text, whatever it is Send it to us and we will be very willing to listen Reply back and maybe even share some of your thoughts as well Um, thank you for having us.

Thank you for listening to us and Make sure you follow us all of that for talking to my thoughts. Peace out. Listen. Listen. Listen. Peace and prosperity