How to start reflecting when you do not know what to write

Sometimes there's plenty on your mind until you sit down to write. Then nothing comes. If that happens, try starting with one moment from your day.

For me, reflection is a chance to notice something I hadn't seen before. A few lines can be enough, even if you're still figuring it out when you stop.

Start with something that happened

Think about a conversation, a message or a moment on the way home that you keep coming back to. You could write, ‘I read the message and put my phone down.’ There's something there to be curious about. What made you put it down? What did you want to say?

A notebook is fine. So is a note on your phone or a voice note if talking feels easier. Use somewhere you're comfortable keeping private, especially if you share a device. You can give it a few minutes and see what comes out.

What it might look like

Here's a made-up example. Sam meets a friend for coffee and says work is fine. On the way home, he keeps thinking about that answer. Later, he writes: ‘I said everything was fine, but I've been carrying too much this week.’

He adds, ‘I didn't want our coffee to turn into me complaining.’ Now there's something more specific than ‘work is stressful’. He wanted to talk, but he was worried about how it would land. He could ask his friend for time to talk another day, or keep writing until he knows what he wants to say.

Your moment might be completely different. It could be something you enjoyed and want more of. What matters is that you recognise it as yours.

Stay with the word that catches you

If you've written ‘tired’, what felt tiring? If you've written ‘fine’, was that what you meant? You don't have to interrogate every sentence. Just notice the bit you want to understand.

‘I don't know yet’ is an answer too. I'd rather leave a question open than force it into a lesson. You may come back tomorrow and find a word that fits better.

In the podcast, we record our thoughts before bringing them into a group conversation. You could try a version of that yourself: say what's on your mind, listen back and see what stands out. Keep the recording somewhere private if it contains anything sensitive.^[episode]

See what you want to do with it

Read back what you've written. Perhaps you were disappointed when you thought you were angry. Perhaps you wanted company when you were asking for advice. Or perhaps your first words still feel right. You're allowed to change your reading of a moment as you understand it better.

If the page starts becoming a list of everything you think is wrong with you, come back to what happened. What was said? What did you need? If it feels too much to sit with alone, you can stop and talk to someone you trust or seek appropriate professional support.

Is there anything you can see a little more clearly now? You can leave it on the page. Or, if there's someone you'd like to tell, share the part you're ready to share. Learning something about yourself can give you something to talk about, even when you haven't worked it all out.