How to say you are having a hard time in your own words

‘I'm fine’ can come out before you've worked out what you want to say. If there's something you'd like someone to understand, how could you begin in your own words?

Choose the person and the setting

Think of someone who listens and respects private things. They don't have to know every part of your life to be the right person for this conversation.^[mind]

Mind's guide suggests thinking about the person, timing and place, and whether writing or a phone call might suit you better. A face-to-face conversation isn't the only way in.

You could ask for a time first. A rushed commute and a quiet walk leave different amounts of room for a difficult answer.

Start with wording you can change

You might be having a hard time. You might also have learned something about yourself and want to talk it through. Either can be worth sharing.

• Things have felt heavy this week. Could we catch up?
• I’ve noticed something about myself and wanted to tell you.
• I don’t want to explain everything yet, but I’d like you to know what’s been happening.

Read any suggested wording aloud. If you'd never say it to this person, change it. You only need enough to begin a conversation, rather than a script for how it will end.

Say what kind of response would help

Do you want advice, company or time to finish saying it? It can help to make that part clear.^[episode]

‘Could you listen for a bit before we think about what to do?’ gives a friend less to guess. They can also tell you what they have room for today.

In the podcast conversation about talking, we explore recognising that we can't handle everything alone. What would somebody need to understand before they could support you?

Keep some choices available during the chat

You can pause, leave a detail out or come back another day. Choosing to tell someone one part doesn't mean you've agreed to explain the whole thing.^[mind]

If you're misunderstood, you might try clarifying the particular point. You can also end a conversation that feels unhelpful.

A friend may care and still be unable to offer what you need. Mind's guide includes other routes if a conversation goes badly or there isn't somebody close you can speak with. Appropriate professional support is there for questions needing more than company.

What sentence could you imagine saying out loud? It can be a worry, a question or something that surprised you about yourself. Afterwards, give yourself a moment to notice what you managed to say and what you still want to come back to.