Ep5 | Who Can I Really Trust In This World? (Ft Troy)

Social media makes us put on facades and profiles when they ask you what's up what's going on you just need to say tickety boo boo boo you know but it's not like that it's not true because at that time you had to then park your feelings and then put on a facade then the next person says how you doing because you said it the last time you know how to just keep it going but in reality you've just parked how you really feel and how many times do you do that every day Hey everybody I hope you're all doing well welcome to talking to my thoughts where we have open honest and raw conversations about well our thoughts the topics will range from anxiety life goals relationship money work everything that runs through our head so you know the possibilities are endless you're here with craig revier aka mr positive you're here with sj so today we'll be talking about circle of trust i'm gonna get simon to explain what this might be about in a little bit go ahead yeah so i um i came up with today's topic which is why craig's throwing at me but um i i wanted to kind of delve into a conversation about where we are in society in terms of of trust i guess in terms of how we trust within relationships how we what kind of effect we've had on our circle of trust and our families and our friends and how that may have evolved just because of the way society is today are we more trusting are we less trusting um how do we trust and and just kind of getting into those little conversations about about that and how it affects our lives so that's pretty much what we want to cover today that's interesting that's interesting already yeah how open openness vulnerability trust in people and stuff like that um what's what's your thoughts on that troy what do you think what do you think about trusting people uh tough um it's a weird subject it's a weird subject i mean looking at it with everything that goes on in life you know can i trust someone can i trust them at work can i trust do i feel comfortable enough sharing thoughts and ideas with someone you know whether it be a thing of um even your friends you know can i trust saying yeah i had a bad day or even you know going through health issues do i feel comfortable enough conforming and having that conversation um yeah if yeah there's a lot around it there's a lot around it we're gonna get straight into it we're gonna get straight into it so as you know in talking to my thoughts we do literally that we are literally playing a pre recording of one of us or multiple of us um recording talking to ourselves about the topic in particular um the reason why we do this is because how you speak to yourself is very different to how you speak to other people we're always trying to put things together in a nice way so it can be well articulated but when you're speaking to yourself that is mumble jumbled all over the place and that's just the way we want it so we'll play a pre recording from me first and hope you'll listen and then we'll start to just go from there you know how it goes so circle of trust trust boy well more specifically circle of trust how do you trust other people crick hmm well right now i'm actually smiling i can actually say that i'm really happy with the circle of trust i have among my friends among my family among my brothers among my parents let's take my parents for example yeah we can be quite different with different things we are very similar obviously they brought me up very strongly and i had very key aspects or pieces of them but over the last few years i've actually learned to have just my own mind about things my own opinions my own culture towards it and i've been very happy and easy to be able to express that to them it's just nice to be able to they're always my best friends and we always talk about so many things and yeah it's really nice to have them to just speak to that circle of trust has been there since i was a baby all the way through to now they have never let me down i'm always been able to turn to them now i've found new levels of circle of trust among brothers other friends family members long-term friends as well people have been in my life for a very long time actually but i never really took them fully for some people i can rely on as i've said to myself as well as you know for yourself you lived your life like it was just for you and your parents or just you sometimes like you just rely on yourself and you think i can have a good life i'll keep control of my happiness i don't want to let people in actually letting people in is where everything comes out you can have a good life on your own you can have a great life with other people god didn't bless you by being in this world just to be on your own god also blessed you with a massive environment and a massive amount of people around you as well god is everywhere in these people so back to my circle of trust i have brothers now i have brothers that i've taken on challenges with i've opened up about open to opened with and just been free with the key thing i say is if the environment you're in or the people you're surrounded with do not allow you to be free then you're not supposed to be there but i can honestly say i'm surrounded by people who allow me to be free be myself and i know that they're there for me and i don't mean just there for me in the sense of just at my death that's always what i used to say i know that these people were not always i should just say are these people be if they're be there for me if i could um just when i'm about to die or something or something bad happens i know they'll be there for me that's a really comforting feeling but there's something else you have to remind yourself are you going to allow them to be there for you in life while you're living your high life and while you're while things are good are you going to allow them to be there for you be in your life be a part of it yes that has risks sometimes they can disturb your happiness disturb your emotions etc but there's also the other side to it where they can accelerate your emotions and push it to be higher levels push you to better places a circle of trust is strong i'm actually quite easy to be open with other people even strangers i don't mind it i think i own my own story i'm proud of it proud of where i am today i'm proud of who i am today so am i able to own my own story talk about it talk about my emotions talk about my weaknesses and strengths because they are part of me so i'm actually quite open with friends and strangers and other people even that work not minded by the same time i do know good people are really there for me the ones who will check in on my life who will see how i'm doing with this particular area of my life who will be there for me through the hard times and when i'm in trouble or when just need to speak to someone through celebrations through struggle they're there my circle of trust is strong thank god for that one um there's a couple of things i've picked up from now i think it's interesting to understand that there's there's actually certain levels of trust my mindset is often like okay you have a trust someone you don't whereas obviously when you were saying certain things like when you're with your circle of trust it allows you to feel free it allows you to be free but you're still quite comfortable in many situations even when you're around strangers because you're proud of who you are securing yourself and it almost correct me if i'm wrong it almost shows that you're you're still trusting of others even though they're not within that tight-knit circle of trust which means that you have you definitely have a different level of strong trust with your circle and then a little bit of trust with other people that are not quite in the circle how do you kind of manage that and balance that between obviously you meeting someone for the first time how much trust do you actually decide to give to them how does that actually work so people mistake being vulnerable with a level of trust like they believe that you can't be vulnerable open about certain things or certain parts of your life because that means you have to trust them actually being open and vulnerable is on you on on you because the point is when you're vulnerable with someone if you're open well if you're open with them they think that's gonna be vulnerability but actually if you're open about something that you've gone through your story they may laugh but you know that that's your story so you could just you could just push them away like i don't know why you're laughing about it like i don't know like a work colleague that does not understand a bit of black culture like you got beat by your parents but they didn't they didn't get beat for example they would laugh like right that's a bit mad you call the police oh little one you do not know rules don't run that way yeah that's what i'm saying yeah but that's your open that's your story but you can switch that around and say actually when you told them and they laughed about it that hurt you but actually it doesn't have to be that case it's your story there's no reason for you to feel away about it you know it's just a part of your your culture so that's the level of with strangers i don't have to trust them for me to be open i just have to tell my story now when it comes to strangers it's not to say it says i'm trusting them like i'm giving them money and i'm thinking that they're gonna not take it or something like that it's just the case that i just have i just have we we keep making this there's like a mist or this cloud between what is it being open and having trust but being open is not necessarily that you have to have trust about it the same way when public speak about your life do you have to trust everybody in the room when you do it you don't it was your life you don't have to you don't you're not looking for validation that's the that's the other part to it is that when you're telling somebody you're like you just want them to give you the thumbs up and say i hear that you don't want them to say oh that's some rubbish like that's some bull you live a rubbish life you don't want to hear that but you don't have to worry about that if you if you remove the validation or what they're going to think about it at all you won't have to trust them you just say it so that to me the whole thing about the strangers and openness has nothing to do with trust in a sense i trust myself i trust my story i trust what i'm saying now the sense of the next level to it is then when you start to trust them to be a part of your life do things for you be somewhere with you now this is where the different levels come some friends you can turn to today and say you know i'm feeling a bit off one friend will say oh you're mr positive you'll be fine just tickety boo the next person will come along and say tell me about it what's going on so you had this problem before you know what to do and then the third person will say let me walk with you let me take the steps with you let me help you and the fourth person will maybe do something completely different and they'll break their back to help you because you couldn't help yourself you couldn't even walk but they carried you this is different levels that trust in my in my eyes and you don't condemn people like as you said you either trust someone or not does that mean level one level one friend level two friend you don't trust them because they couldn't they couldn't abide by what you said but the level three and four are they did a lot for you now you just know that this person stays here this person stays here this person stays here this person stays here you don't know their life they've got things that they can't take on they don't have capacity sometimes they do one day somebody's saying oh go about your business and the next day is like what can i do for you so this is why i like levels of trust i like and again it goes back to the whole validation what do you what is your expectation of what what's going to happen with this conversation what would you expect from this person remove the expectations let people be free let them love you in the way that they want to love you whatever even if it's like nothing like no love like a penny worth of love versus a person that gives you a thousand pounds worth of it let them be how they want to be and let yourself be how you want to be as well it's your story so yeah that's how that's my breakdown of that so um what do you think about obviously trust in terms of craig saying okay vulnerability and trust that they shouldn't really be connected how do you feel because i'll just chip in on on that slightly and i think that there is i think there is slightly a bit of trust involved in being vulnerable with someone just because you're trusting them not to then throw that back in your face yeah in a sense so if you're being vulnerable with someone where okay say for example a somewhat a co-worker someone that you're not necessarily within your tight circle of your circle of trust and you're just letting them know okay i'm feeling a bit off this week because i don't know a family member's passed away and i'm just i'm not in that kind of mindset at a minute you're then being vulnerable vulnerable with them in a sense you're still trusting them not to be like ah it's fine get over it whatever you're expecting them to kind of give you a little bit of sympathy in that respect so i think that there may be a little bit of connection between that vulnerability and that trust how do you what would you kind of take on um well that's a big thing for me at the moment because even for me i'm struggling with mental health issues i don't issue and at the moment sorry and for me having to even be at work and having to say to my manager put you to one side right nothing issues you know that's that's that within itself that was hard for me yeah for a period of time i think what helped was um having that support network of me knowing that all right cool as a manager you were willing to take out time and what's happening with you and that kind of broke down that barrier of yeah this is the work i mean so we even to go in there to have that conversation and for me it's as i'm having them it's crazy it's crazy cool let me do it and then from that it allowed me to you know he's like if you got problems or whatnot you don't have to explain it but if you need time of whatever yeah i'm supportive yeah do you know i mean so then that kind of grew my confidence a bit about speaking about it yeah do you know i mean because i was very quiet with those things you know even because i'm gonna friends half do probably know half don't yeah um not to say i don't trust them but it's trusting myself to be able to speak about it enough to say yeah you know what boys it's gone left do you know i mean yeah and that that isn't easy so um yeah it's it's a weird space for me it's a weird space um i like that key piece that you said um we externalize a lot of things we keep thinking is do we trust them what are they going to say what's their expectations and in the end of it it's nothing to do that is do i should even trust myself yeah to acknowledge i'm in this space right now acknowledge this was my story acknowledge where i am today i'm grateful for and the only way i could have got through today is living through that story yeah so that means that story is valid which means i need to accept it as valid and trust myself it's okay to speak about it because this is what was necessary like even if it was like not use mandem from the hood and then use the office in the bank in banking maybe some people want to hide that story and say i don't trust these people they ain't gonna understand but that story is what got you here you're still in the same place as them it's not about and again if the environment doesn't allow you to be free maybe you shouldn't be there if the people don't allow you to be free if your boss like told you wait get over it bro like let's get onto this work ting we've got stuff to do it's time to time to resign but people don't trust themselves to do that because then they think well maybe he's right maybe i was the one that was i'm not i'm not the right person i'm there i should just fix up yeah very toxic trust yourself and you realize no boom this is my story i am struggling i don't have capacity what you're saying doesn't even benefit me you know what you're not benefiting me yeah i'm out yeah have that respect for yourself have that trust for yourself and and this is where you take your you just take your and you go but you know and be appreciated somewhere else and be free with it somewhere else so thank you for sharing that though that's that's a big deal a lot of us is we have that sometimes sometimes just be i'll be missing work and i'm like can't be us to do it and you miss work two three days and you're like i ain't done work for two three days now i can't even assume look at my boss in the face then you trust yourself and you're like no come on i just got to do this look if he says i just say boom like you're just going through things that you just you know what boss i'm gonna pick up the time go to the workplace he says yo what's up bro you cool everything all right now yeah hope you're a bit feeling better and all stuff like that let's get this one i was like yes how'd that task go yeah no i'm just getting on with it i'm a bit behind on the stuff with someone cover stuff so yeah cool just let me know if you need any help like wow you want to help me that's i just took time off and you want to help me that's within itself that's someone that wants to help you and i think that is yeah but you haven't been open enough to say you know what i need to help times that we had to come i have a conversation with craig this week i struggled to ask help yeah but i know i need it do you know what i mean so i think that that's a big thing yeah do you trust other people to help you that that you know yeah that's a major thing cool all right well i'll play my part my thoughts and then we'll kind of jump back on that topic so the circle of trust interesting i think it often comes down to your family values trust is such a hard thing to gain once you lose it and i try not to give trust to people straight away it's just something i've learned experiences in life trust is such a hard thing to gain and for me again when it goes back to family values i try and make sure that i show that i can be trusted as much as possible because it's a give and take you got to show people the same respect as they're showing you and it's very important that you're around people that you trust a hundred percent my circle is quite tight to be fair in terms of friendship and in terms of trust and in terms of the people who i feel i can rely on it's a select few and i don't know if that's any different to how it was back in the day but with social media and the digital age are we more susceptible to trusting people just on just based on what we see now because we all know that it's a facade it's not it's not real a lot of time what you see in social media is is only what people want to show you fact so for me trust is is an important aspect in any relationship if you don't have that trust as far as i'm concerned that relationship is broken you don't even really have a relationship and this even is related to your partners when you're with your boyfriend your girlfriend your husband your wife or whatever if you don't trust them why are you with them there is no point in being with someone that you do not trust hey that was uh hey we we we we're gonna be like you know what simon real quick thank you for having us right here need to be in my yard right now i just know you must trust me but now your circle of trust is it's tough it's a strong it's a it's almost like a memory of like a castle and you've got a moat and you've got all things that you got crossings like prove yourself because now but on a roll it's um it's it's it's admired because that circle of trust you you have a level of control over your life as well you have a level of um people you trust you also invest your time into and it's good to to trust the right people and trust the people that are giving back to you because you know that as an investment works whatever you invest technically you're trying to see a profit from don't invest it and it just goes down the drain and or it gives you minus profits when it takes away from you for no reason you're trying to see that when you invest into something invest into people it's coming back to you now i want to the thing i resonate with the most because obviously my my my talk was all happy happy chappy but as some of you don't know it wasn't like that before as i said at the beginning my circle of trust is with my parents yeah i didn't have that like relating other people back in msn days or back in like all blackberry days whatever everyone just used to see me i'm mr positive now and everyone just sees me as positive because that's all they kind of see or know through social media again but then that's why when when it comes to ah i'm feeling a bit down someone's just going to be like your social media says you're mr positive you just pick yourself back up right so then you're like i was looking for a bit more but you know what i made this i made this facade right oh not facade a profile yeah so my circle of trust was only my parents i relied on them everything i'm telling you i didn't rely on nobody no none of my boys none of my no friends no partners no nothing i just relied on my parents and i'm i'm grateful for that that i had my parents i could rely on for anything anything i need money emotional stress or like talking about work anything they were there for me and i honestly felt i didn't need anything else you know i didn't clock on that i might need to look a bit further until my parents left the country and i was living on my own and i never felt alone i've never felt alone at all but i thought you don't really have nobody to wind down with when you like when you come back from work anymore you don't really have any way to speak to is that okay do you think you can go on like that you just video call them and do you think that you should probably maybe consider what about your other friends now just give you a bit more context about this my friends to me i'm like everyone has friends but what a lot of my friends didn't realize friends even some family members they were options to me as i told you life is good so i didn't i didn't rely on them for work i didn't rely on them for education again the people i relied on that's appointment with my parents nobody else i didn't rely on people i don't even know when like any of these people could have said i came to them like yo i need some help i need some advice or i went through some relationships stuff or i had to argue my parents i never come to them i drove it on my own i just come to my parents so that means i didn't have that circle of trust or openness with them not because i wasn't like i didn't trust myself about openness but just didn't feel like i rely on you i was always self-reliant really great place to be especially when people start coming in your life you still have that self-reliance but actually life can be great when you just start to open up to people so my parents left and a lot of other things happened at the same time i just started to say you know what when somebody how are you doing now today just before they open that you just looked at your to-do list and you got like 30 items you're like oh my day it's mad and then they say oh yeah well how you doing you say yeah you know i'm cool babes so then i started i started testing it i just said you know what it's bureau in all honesty my to-do list is looking a bit mad work is mad right now i just missed couple days i've got bare things to do some people to general response mr positive you got this bless up and then some people will be like well tell me if i like what techniques are you doing to get for you to do this what kind of things are you going to talk about what's on your mind what's been holding you back you're like raw i'd even expect that from you genuine care honestly and then we you already know you gauge the friendship like oh yeah they're that friend over there but actually then they start to show themselves i'm like ah what's okay let's start opening up and not with an expectation i wasn't being vulnerable open up for an expectation i was opened up because it was my story yeah again social media makes us put on facades and profiles when they ask you what's up what's going on you just need to say tickety boo yeah boo boo you know but it's not like that it's not true because at that time you had to then park your feelings and then put on a facade then the next person says how you doing because you said it the last time you not to just keep it going good but in reality you've just popped how you really feel yeah and how many times do you do that every day how many times do you do that every week every year all of a sudden you're not even listening to yourself anymore one of the most scariest things for people to do is sit inside the room on their own with no distractions no friends no netflix no youtube no music no nothing and listen to your folks and ask yourself how you doing then you realize rara i really put you on the side i really backseat you just so i can look fancy in this car it's like having a lamborghini in the front and the back of it is just some rocked down persia because you look good on the face of things but behind it ain't nothing there yeah so this is like for me i started testing this and when i started doing that it just made it easier you saw my circle of trust increase ridiculously and then god started to bless me with certain people that come into your life and again we always some people who believe in god they say oh it's just me and god and i'm like i fully agree with you and sometimes actually do you believe god is inside of you they say yeah of course i believe god is inside of me so cool do you believe other people believe god is inside of them so yeah of course they do probably yeah do you believe that there's you god is inside of you and god is inside all these people so when you ask god for help and they reach out to you and actually how you're doing today today was your day for you to say you know what i'm not doing all right yeah i need help and then you're like uh but the news always saying god when you're going to bless me with something when you're going to help me when you answer my prayer but he's been answering your prayers all the time but again your mind of what you think trust means and what it means to trust people is so closed off that you just started don't even trust people you all all of a sudden you have a circle that's of 10 people that have proven themselves over the years but now because you're so much older you're going to be more protective about who you're going to allow into this circle because you're saying nah they can't they can't do this but then the 10 people you had you couldn't turn to them yeah it wasn't enough but god's been trying to give you more but you've been blocking it like now this is too requirements are too high up in this place this castle is too tall you know what i'm saying but actually you could just open the gate and see who comes in obviously if they don't abide by it and that's about vulnerability as well though why opening the gate and letting people in it's about how willing you are to be vulnerable with those people i think more so from me when i was obviously was talking on that voice note is that my my circle of trust is tight and it's not because it's tight because i don't want to let anybody else in it's because as you said those are the people for me that have shown that i can trust them it's all about a give and take as well i trust you as much as you can trust me i'm willing to obviously put my trust into you but if you're not giving me anything back and it's like you've shown me that i can't trust you i'm not going to give you that again i'm not going to be vulnerable with you again because you've proven to me that you can't you're not responsible enough or you're not i can't trust you with my my vulnerability but once you once you lose it as i said when i was saying the voice note it's like once i give you my trust and you've lost it it's very very hard to get that trust back trust me it's very hard sometimes for some people it's almost impossible you ain't getting it back bro i gave you that opportunity i gave the opportunity for me to be able to trust you and you've let me down i can't do that again i'm not going to do that just because you're being protective of yourself as well what's your what's your thoughts on it try on i guess what stuff for me inside you have even shared any anything changed from the time that you started to now as well um i suppose well i think that to trust and trusting people um as i said the family values like firstly apart from the background come from their cabri heritage it was you don't trust no one you don't just know when you keep everything in house do you know i mean you have a problem keep it to yourself stays in the house that's it so growing up and the environment changes you go through secondary you know you start to gain friends can i trust them but i don't know you know and then it's a thing of you start to even out sometimes i still do it where i wait i listen i have conversations and then when i start to pick up things i can i believe what we can identify on even things from i'm from south london he's from east london but both grew up in a school where you know it was roughly like all right we've got identifying point i can you come from a similar background to me yeah so i feel probably a bit safer trusting this person versus someone that's you know i don't know come from suffolk suffolk queen the country right you know don't have an understanding of anything yeah do you know things like that um i think my first real moment of trust probably came in secondary school so in secondary school i used to sell sweets and all that kind of stuff whatever but one time mama said ah you're leaving the yard you're staying inside i was up oh my business what am i gonna do yeah i was killing it the streets need me and then my my boy my boy jason he came back he walked from um forso to where i lives about walk wise for about 20 minutes he walked all day from his house come to my house collected the money for what i needed for school so don't worry i got you went there bought all the stuff brought it back and then went home i was like bro bro that's mad i asked no one to do that for me and i'm i'm i'd rather do everything myself so for him just doing that that's all the trust and a lot of that rock this guy's really got my back and then as years grow on it's confide confide you can buy some stupid stuff sometimes stupid yeah you know i messed up you know i mean so that was probably my first real instance of trust i mean relationship that's a whole that's a whole other thing he said he's given taking it as you said you you what you wasn't sure whether you was able to trust him until that point where he showed you that he could be trusted and then in return you then gave him more trust i'm assuming yeah i know what it is a beautiful relationship from there it goes 1000 arcs um when meeting people right social media meeting people in social media versus meeting people in person does your trust change in how you go about making those relationships because for me in person just from communication like i can kind of suss out a bit and in your body language your demeanors and i okay cool social media it's just text well the thing is i think with social media everyone's only willing to show themselves in the best light yeah so you're only really gonna yeah that's the only real part of them you're gonna kind of know is the part that they want you to know yeah and i guess even when you meet them for the first time or you're meeting people face to face as well yeah they're always gonna always show themselves in the best light everything about a relationship is about the journey in it and about again eventually getting to that point where you start giving and taking i'm not very much involved in social media for many different reasons but that's one of the reasons why as well i just think a lot of it is quite fake yeah people are really true to themselves and so i'm not saying everybody is but a lot of the time people are only on there to kind of just show off and do whatever that's so i'm also would let craig kind of jumping in terms of meeting people social media versus in person because i don't have those full experiences yeah i don't appreciate discrimination i don't know social media style but definitely i love it i use it a lot more than simon simon's about 10 years older than me key key part key part key part here is about how you present yourself on social media how you present yourself in person when you meet someone from social media don't enter the room saying do these people like me enter the room saying do you like these people you understand and that will change your whole entirety like i'm not gonna lie i have some awkward conversations not even awkward but i have some intense conversations from get go yeah i could find myself meeting someone for the first time when i'm asked so what's your deepest fears and they're like oh i thought we were just gonna have some food and just be nice about it that's like nah i'm trying to get the real things about it you know and i like the thing that you said you mentioned like meeting someone in person versus social media social media is like emotions is not their body language all that there's a lot you gauge when you meet the person in person but at the same time i've i've built strong relationships with people on social media people have supported my videos again things about the stuff that people do people share your videos support your videos comment on it message you dm you all these kind of things now because this social media seems very different to the way you build trust but funny enough doing all that you've you put out your yourself into the social media they've gotten reposted it commented it supported it that's a there's there you can't ignore that there's something there yeah no no like a loving way but there's a level of trust that you can have in them to do something so he's like you know what yours given your it's more about time and effort you're investing some of your time and effort into me maybe i should invest some of it into you and i think this is the main thing time and effort is what you should be seeing it as sometimes you see trust does what do they do for you in a different sense but time and effort what did it take for this person to do this what does it take for someone to even message you i don't know two hours in the day that's two hours of their 24 hours gone it's still something so that's why how i gauge trust in a sense but the main thing of the way i protect myself or the way i propose myself or not to try to be fake about it is always put myself in a case of will i like you not will you like me which means if i say will i like you i just be myself and we see how we gauge from there i don't need to be any way different i don't need to be anything different and the same thing that we do in person because we can't fake it is in a sense or you could if you wanted to but because we're like meeting people in person and you don't have social media you just all you want to do is just present yourself he's like like you you probably you don't you don't know what's so like instagram popping off right now what's that we just hear articles and what other people say about it but actually he was you you just end up having a persona like obviously now i have a persona which is mr positive but actually mr positive is still just an extension of me yeah it's not a different side of me this is me so people like some people say right you're on brand like you're actually like what like what you post what you say in the videos you say in person that's mad i'm like but it's true it's like people put a completely different persona on themselves so for me be yourself main thing it's not about what they think of you but what you think of them in a sense and the second part is don't see trust as just what they do for you and the things that you can imagine in your head but think about even if they've been around a lot what kind of time have they invested into you what is the intention behind it as well and we can go you can kind of go from there on building trust because i've been in relationships where it's starting on social media first yeah so should i limit myself and not being social media that means i wouldn't be in a relationship i want to meet some of my friends i wouldn't meet some there's some amazing people that's an interesting quick thing though if the people that you meet on social media how what's the level of trust you have for them before you've even met them because they obviously only as i was trying to send you they only really contacting you through dms or comments on your videos how much do you actually trust those people the things that he said at the beginning when that when you speak to someone you start to pick up things that are related to each other is that yo yo so hey how you doing my name is where you from oh i'm from this place sanusha dominica or i don't know if place are like you go back home is like yeah i go back home often it's like it's always married with a family man it's always and then you start to pick up their passion in their in their family they start picking up their passion about work or certain topics they like what are your hobbies and stuff like that we can ask this what is your hobbies person says i mean i have hobbies oh but but some people will say you know what i'm i have a hobby of painting a lot and you sort of they start showing your paintings yes it's a it's a different way of how we share life with each other yeah because it's through pictures and media but don't don't see it as it's nothing it's still something even if the substance feels a bit weaker it's a bit of a weak source do you not feel the trust level is different though again i'm coming from a perspective of i'm not heavily involved in social media because it's those little things but even like you hear about people being catfished it's easy talking to someone online we've got all these things in common and blah blah blah and then you feel that kind of connection with them and then you find out it's some next man like some next fat man sitting down for me the trust can't be the same because you don't know the the trust is not the same and i ain't gonna lie i'm in my main catfish couple times back in the end of sunday yeah i never met them yet for good reason obviously because they weren't they weren't the person they but there's this one they used to be like one picture he's a boom lady and then i was like but there's about 20 profiles of this thing like which one am i talking to no i've got a real one i've got a real one so we used to get in that video chat and then you start ah yeah i see it cool yeah you're really but then when they don't want a video chat is our babes like i can't anyway yeah we're sidetracking aside i completely get there is a level of security you need to have in yourself certain things as i said that you can do to discern people take a picture video call if you ever think there's a catfish thing or something like that meet them and if anything i encourage people to sometimes if you are investing time in them on social media six hours a day speaking to them over the last week that's something in my in my eyes if you're willing to do that six hours maybe you should ask them are you willing to meet up and if you're not willing to meet up in the end then maybe you shouldn't be speaking to them in the stand like we sometimes we get caught caught up in social media of instant dms and stuff like that because it's just the culture now but actually you're still investing real time one hour on on sitting on your your sofa dming somebody is equivalent to one hour when you meet them but actually if you say that you're there at the level where you can meet them maybe you should just escalate to that and if you're not going to meet them what's your intention why why should you just why should you not be um it's yeah investment and intention these are the two things that makes it very clear as to what what how you trust people what how you perceive them need to be social media or in person but in social media we always have a level of security and stuff we have to be careful of catfishing etc but um if you invest in time time is time you know so i'm saying so maybe sometimes if you're a bit unsure about people and you want to build up trust give them a chance meet them and then when you meet them then you start to build up a different relationship there's levels to this trust because you trust them to open the dms because obviously some people can come to you just send you some pics on this day and you're like no instant block and delete but then there's somebody messaged you like hey how you doing but then you replied and then some people will say hey how you doing how's your day it requires more of you there's different levels the point is that some people see social media as not a level at all but there is a level from the get-go where you're replying to someone you invested a bit of time you understand that's how i see it cool all right i'm wrapping up there if you want you cool so let's leave it as you know we leave to give it leave a little bit of food for thought which some top tips from us or whichever one i'll kick it off just to carry on the same thing trust yourself is the main piece to it firstly trust yourself what is your level of trust you have with yourself do you trust yourself with your story what you have to say etc then start to trust people a little bit more or give them a chance i should say um challenge not even challenge them but try them you know god put these people in our in our life for a reason so it's worth you trying it out don't be don't be fearful of trying trying to speak to them and giving them a little bit more engaged in what kind of trust there is that's it cool um i would say trust for me comes with definitely a level of of vulnerability and i think there's no harm in being vulnerable with people i think that it's important that we we are able to at least be vulnerable anyway because if you're not you're never going to develop trust with anyone so i think it's important to just understand how much of yourself you're willing to give to someone else in order to be able to trust them um and i think it's important just generally for a relationship so anyone that's obviously thinking about anyone that has any trust issues it's about i guess being a little bit more secure in yourself and being able to then be vulnerable with other people uh that's why i'll leave it at that um for me um don't be scared to trust give trust um and if it doesn't go well don't be designed not everyone has the same morals and beliefs in you you know like you may believe in so i'd say you know trust give it a go you know doesn't work out it doesn't work out but don't then kind of close your heart you know things like the trust level truffles are layered you know maybe trust a little bit and that was a little bit information that if it was ever going to use against you it's the end of the world it's cool you know and then from that you know how to gauge today you know can i can i go a bit further with that person or whatnot but yeah trust and try that's powerful it's powerful all right so as you know we always want to hear from you guys what is what do you what do you class as trust what do you think trust is what is your circle of trust um and also the very key part that simon picked up how what how does your trust vary with people in person and in social media it's a big deal it's a big part of our lives you invest time into it we invest energy into it it's important to gauge it and understand it so we want to know email texts dms don't catfish us let us know let us know anyway you know plug us on socials this was craig revier um aka mr positive yep sj as well train it so yeah thank you for listening to us and follow us whichever one via talking to my thoughts thank you very much peace